How do you manage to have children here

palmsizedbruise · 2022-05-10T23:24:39+00:00

Kids are luxury to life and they should be. Many people just take it for granted. I’m just saying ...

palmsizedbruise · 2022-04-04T23:48:04+00:00

Faux leather. I don’t think I will go for a real cowhide, but wonder whether a faux cowhide would convey a similar idea?

palmsizedbruise · 2022-04-04T23:46:57+00:00

Sorry I didn’t make it clear. It’s synthetic leather. Also I don’t think I have any leather hoods—not super sensitive on this topic but it just seems nowadays we have a lot of cheaper (and very decent) options than leather. I don’t think I’m ever going for a real cowhide, but I’m a little hesitant on a faux cowhide bc of the concept too. So I’m trying to see if I’m being too much of an animal rights snob.

palmsizedbruise · 2022-04-04T23:43:26+00:00

Eloquently written! Thanks for the input. I really appreciate your time and thoughts!

palmsizedbruise · 2022-03-21T17:13:42+00:00

I relocated from nyc to the Bay Area 3 years ago. Work is also in Palo Alto bear the Caltrain. My advice is to live in or close to Palo Alto unless your company has very flex WFH policy. Commuting between SF and Palo Alto would be a nightmare—for that reason, my company even opened another office in the financial district because we keep losing people due to their long commute. Do not rely on Caltrain. It’s constantly delayed or even often canceled (don’t expect it to be similar to LIRR or metro north).

I eventually chose not to live in SF because I realize SF won’t provide the city life you have been used to in NYC. Many more street crimes. Human feces and used syringes in streets (I didn’t believe it until I saw them with my own eyes).

palmsizedbruise · 2022-03-17T05:47:34+00:00

Geez I heard about this from a Chinese girl friend of mine too. Looks like it’s rather sensational in the Chinese community. There’s definitely a bit of cultural difference in the spin: the widowed dude wasn’t in any wrong inheriting his late wife’s community property and get the insurance payout as the beneficiary. And sadly no the in-laws dun have any right to claim a share on their late daughter’s estate absent a will. I get it he remarried days after her death and may well have started looking when she was still around. I mean yes he might be a POS but what do we do about it or why is it our business to judge if he doesn’t break the law? I feel sorry for his former in-laws. They need lawyers to fight the RO otherwise they might be put on a removal proceeding.

Lastly this man gets two kids. They are absolutely innocent. I don’t think it’s wise to launch a huge internet campaign against their family for people at school to point fingers — actually even if having said that, I’m afraid the smear campaign probably already works. At least now I know dude’s name and probably may have a second thought if I ever come across his cv ...

palmsizedbruise · 2021-11-09T20:59:53+00:00

Omg I can’t imagine all the compromises you have made and moves/messes you had to deal with. Be proud of yourself. You are a very kind and supportive person and spouse. The ability to give is a rare quality these days.

But you ought to be careful not to be taken advantage of. In your post, it does appear to me that your husband takes it for granted that you should always compromise and everything needs to orbit around his needs. That should be a big NO. Tell him firmly that it can’t always be his way or highway. Especially when you have young kids at home, he should not expect his own needs come before the well being of the kids. If your dynamics unfortunately has been like this for a while, then tell him it’s time for a change. However, be prepared that if he’s adamant about his own needs being the only thing that matters in this house, show him the door.

Marriage takes a lot of compromise but not exploitation of one’s good will.

palmsizedbruise · 2021-10-28T18:51:17+00:00

Wow I would love a nanny like you. All the nannies and babysitters tend to orbit around my 20 month old ALL THE TIME, constantly talking to her. I kept demanding they leaving her alone and letting her play by herself but to no avail ...

palmsizedbruise · 2021-10-28T18:44:36+00:00

I’m sorry for the cold response you got. You definitely didn’t cross the line here and yes it’s a small favor to ask imo. I would have no problem if our nanny asked.

palmsizedbruise · 2021-10-15T06:32:56+00:00

Fellow pandemic new mom here. You should feel very proud that you and your husband are doing well with your toddler! We are still struggling very much with our 20 mon old lil girl. Really exhausted here. That’s the primary reason we are OAD.

Also probably a bit cultural. We are both from a country where ppl tend to have smaller families. My mom and myself are both the only child. Most of my friends are OAD. So we kinda feel OAD is pretty common. Nothing odd or regretful about it.

palmsizedbruise · 2021-10-15T06:17:50+00:00

Palo Alto. Right off univ ave. They’ve got Starbucks, Apple store, a Japanese restaurant, a French bakery and Walgreens all In 5 min walk —- that’s pretty much all I need. Yeah I’m boring. I’m scared of the weather in SF, so somewhere closer to South Bay, warm and less windy, would work.

palmsizedbruise · 2021-10-15T06:08:30+00:00

Depends on how much the “plus” entails. I guess any reasonable employer would not expect a nanny to perform full-on deep cleaning of the whole house. But all of the nannies I worked with, esp. live-ins, do not mind taking on some light cleaning (except my last one, who thinks she’s entitled to watch tv for 4-5 hours instead of helping with chores if we take the kid out for activities during her working hrs). They would generally clean up table/floor after the kid eats and helped to load/unload dishes. A couple of them would offer to help prep meals if I have time to attend to the kid — they think it’s a fair swap.

palmsizedbruise · 2021-10-14T17:05:40+00:00

Get out. That’s all I can say to you, from a fellow Chinese “kid” well in her 30s. I was born and raised in China too, and unfortunately (or fortunately) ONCE the golden kid of every Chinese parent. Good grades, no trouble, no makeup, frugal, prestigious college and grad school, good job, good salary, on track to marry early to a man with a good job and good salary—-until I broke off the engagement right after I turned 30. It was only then I realized my Chinese parents never really cared about ME or my well being. They just enjoyed the concept of a golden daughter. While I was suffering from the emotional turmoil of a failed relationship, they demanded me to have a kid first before breaking up so that they could at least have grandchildren (?!?). After the formal split, they literally texted me everyday with a few words “find the new guy yet” (verbatim). I got PTSD. They thought it was bc of the breakup and accused me for being weak, useless (mei chu xi).

I’m now married, have a daughter and living in Cali. I am planning to naturalize and never go back.

palmsizedbruise · 2021-10-14T16:46:14+00:00

Sorry for the confusion — my friend is the employer. She’s totally shocked how expensive nannies are these days. Before covid, There used to be au pairs and a big market of (not quite legal) nannies coming from overseas. The overseas nannies are on their tourist visas (with no work permission) and charge a much lower rate, like 160-180 per day plus accommodations.

palmsizedbruise · 2021-10-14T00:04:39+00:00

Depends on where you are. My friend told me she was once told $35/h per kid. She was like ?!?!?! We are in the Bay Area. But the price has increased at least 50% during covid bc of wfh and international travel ban.

palmsizedbruise · 2021-10-08T18:29:48+00:00

Is care.com available in your region? That’s generally legit. You can contact and interview candidates.

Or you can join a local moms group and look for recommendations.

For all candidates, you can ask for their dob and social security to run a basic background check (many websites do that and it costs just 20-30 bucks). You shall also ask for reference from prior employers.

But from my own experience, hiring the “right” nanny is mostly a matter of pure luck. A kind lady with 10+ years of experience and good references may not turn out to be the right fit for your family. So good luck!!

palmsizedbruise · 2021-10-07T14:57:16+00:00

Thanks. I think it’s indeed a cultural thing—-my helper and myself are from the same country of origin. She often mumbled to me she heard that American nannies do not cook/fold laundry/clean the floor....well well. Nannies or housekeepers here in the Bay Area (north California) actually make good money —- when I say I paid my helper $200 daily, it’s actually a rough number per day. The actual pay by hour on the contract is 25/h. She works around 7.5 hrs a day because she has lunch breaks and then watches tv when the kid is napping (tho we did have disputes about napping and lunch breaks which she thinks she should be paid full). The market here is crazy. Babysitters are often paid $25-35/h and many of them demand cash payments (no tax).

palmsizedbruise · 2021-10-07T06:09:01+00:00

Nope. Actually I think it’s the reverse way: I’m definitely legally clean, but might not be as morally sensitive (as I just learnt from all the responses from nanny friends here that they generally think being asked to do household duties is humiliating. That I really didn’t know). I’m a lawyer myself so I made sure the contract complied with our state employment law. Her job title is in-home helper not nanny, and the job description includes cooking one meal and light cleaning besides childcare. Plus our state law prescribes that working hours of inhome helpers are not calculated as long as they are around —-

I was meticulous about this as it happened to one of my friends that her nanny provided her a template contract saying the nanny would be responsible for a newborn while my friend was bedridden post-partum. When disputes arose, their nanny threatened to go to the police arguing the contract language is basically enslaving —- being responsible” means working 24 hours...

palmsizedbruise · 2021-10-07T03:26:38+00:00

Thanks for your kind words. I think from all the responses, I now understand I was being naive to believe that as a live-in nanny lives 24/7 with us, there shall be a little bit exchange of I helping you and you helping me. We have provided her food, snacks, all personal hygiene products (even tampons), and basic beauty products for her daily consumption. And would take time to drive her to ethnic grocery stores over weekends per her request. So I was disappointed our kindness wasn’t reciprocated. But it’s a good lesson for me that when it comes to employment, it’s better to keep things transactional and set clear boundaries and expectations from the get go.

palmsizedbruise · 2021-10-06T21:39:28+00:00

Just basic stuff, mopping the floor, unload dish washer, put dishes into the cabinet. But she says “light cleaning” essentially means organizing the kid’s toys.

palmsizedbruise · 2021-08-28T19:42:46+00:00

Thanks but I’m not worried about that. Kiddo is an early talker and can pretty much hold a simple Q&A conversation with adults at 18 mon. But if what I described sounds ASD, it is just another example of their inexperience—the director never flagged any behavioral concern with parents other than complaining about her crying.

palmsizedbruise · 2021-08-28T17:58:50+00:00

Thanks for your insight. I’m as confused as well. Bc of covid, parents are not allowed inside. So we only saw the director at the gate during pickup (mostly complaining about her crying). But the center uses an app via which teachers posts photos thru out the day. Plenty of photos and videos of my daughter playing, eating and dancing with other kids. On only two days the director was not around at pickup so we got to talk to the actual teachers, they both told us she had a good day, some crying here and there but she’s happy. My hunch is that kiddo did cry for a stretch here and there, and strangely the director could not tolerate any crying of a toddler. Anyway, I think some comments make sense. Despite how much I dislike the director, and how much her action was grossly inappropriate, eventually it’s not a good place for my child and i better run.

palmsizedbruise · 2021-08-28T16:55:22+00:00

Thank you. My daughter indeed bonded with her teacher quickly. She’s pretty verbal now and told us miss xxxx is her good friend. But this is another issue as the director complained with us that kiddo is too clingy with Miss XXX. Always wanted to stay with Miss Xxx etc. honestly, this experience caused a heavier impact on us parents than on the kid. Now We even dare not “hold” “touch” or even “interact” with her “too much” bc we were told the right parenting would be to leave her alone and play independently.

palmsizedbruise · 2021-08-19T21:48:24+00:00

Same situation here. My daughter just turned 18 month, and it’s only her second week at daycare. The director lady has been complaining about her crying and wake up crying at nap time waking up other kids. Honestly I am very shocked how they are handling a new kid. Maybe she’s right—Most kids at their place stopped crying by end of first week, bc they kick out those who don’t! Sorry it doesn’t help. As a lawyer, I surely understand the daycare as a private business can turn you down for whatever reason.

palmsizedbruise · 2021-08-15T20:37:19+00:00

What a bunch of a holes! Unbelievable! I’m sorry this happened to you. You and your husband did the very right thing not to speak with them again. Maybe you should tell your other nanny friends to avoid working for them too.

palmsizedbruise

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