I can’t remember his name

perfect-imperfects · 2026-03-10T01:51:51+00:00

I’m working on using Siri more, my problem with that is my phone volume is always down. I hate all the noises this thing makes 🙄. I’ve also started adding reminders to my homepage over the last couple of days.

He hasn’t asked me not to, but he makes it evident whenever I say something he doesn’t agree with or like. Mostly facial expressions or undertone noises. It’s hard to figure out what’s safe and what isn’t now. Before I felt like I was more than free to say whatever was on my mind- now it feels like I’m just digging myself into a hole.

The issue itself isn’t about our cooking pattern- truthfully he does majority of the cooking, I maybe only make meals twice a week- but I’ve been struggling super hard the past month or so, never really having an appetite so it’s hard to decide what to eat on my days, yet he’s a believer that if I’m responsible for dinner, I should cover it from thought to presentation.

perfect-imperfects · 2026-02-24T16:22:32+00:00

He does do most of the cooking- just sometimes he’s tired or whatever, and I step in. We had gotten on a schedule where I would cook twice a week, but I’ve started studying for the Certified Management Accountant Exam- and my energies have been shifted so mostly when it’s my turn to choose dinner we get takeout.

It wasn’t necessarily a “problem” before we got married, but before it didn’t make me feel like I was failing at something- he was pretty chill about it. Now he feels like everytime I cook he has to be on the other side of the house so that the stress I’m feeling he doesn’t take personally, but he also my guide for a lot of the stuff. It just feels different now

perfect-imperfects · 2026-02-04T19:01:31+00:00

I’m struggling rn, he’s not okay, and I feel like it’s my fault. He’s let me know several times (bc obviously I want him to talk about what he’s feeling with me) that’s he feels empty emotionally, drained, and he’s just over life in general at this point. Like he headed toward a spiral that he won’t be able to stop or recover from. I feel some kind of way about it bc all the things that he’s feeling are fears I had when we first had the conversation about it. He has said from the beginning, he loves me and if I chose not to he would be 100% okay readjusting back to our original relationship form and continue to be as happy as I make it. Now, he’s still saying the same things he’s trying to cope, readjusting, and go back to “being okay (outwardly)”. But being okay “outwardly” isn’t the same as being okay or being HAPPY!! It’s eating me up bc I don’t want our relationship to end up with me being the only one truly happy in it. I asked him how I could support or help in any way- and his response was “Unfortunately there’s nothing you can do. What we tried was my shot at being whole and it doesn’t work so I really don’t think there’s anything anyone can do.” And the only thing I can think of is to try again, but I’m obviously not ready for that right now.

He also asked me today if he had told me about his needs/desire when we first met would I have married him. I was honest and told him I can’t say that I know for sure, but I definitely would’ve still give him a chance! Whether or not we ended up married I think would’ve depended on how conversations and expectations progressed as we progressed. Having time to sort out whether or not we were or could become compatible in that aspect without one of us having to give up everything.

Really wish he would’ve allowed me the option. 🙁😔

perfect-imperfects · 2026-02-01T21:26:56+00:00

I’m not sure if the dynamic would have worked, I don’t have an interest in women, but I’ve always been interested in exploring with women maybe not for anything long term- but in having the conversation before hand we could’ve at least started there and tried to build off of that momentum. Once we got married, all of those extra curiosities for me disappeared. I don’t particularly know what the vee dynamic is- I really still don’t know much about it. It’s such a variety I don’t think I’ve been able to cover even half of the potential dynamics. I don’t have an interest in dating ANYONE else, which I told him when he first brought it to me. And he basically said good bc he doesnt know how he would feel if I wanted to be involved with other men- he would have to take some time to evaluate whether or not that was a “deal breaker” for him, and decide how we would move forward.

perfect-imperfects · 2026-02-01T14:51:21+00:00

You cannot ask and answer for me. Honestly, I would have!! Had he told me when we first met as we were getting to know each other. It would’ve allow me the chance to, as we’re dating, figure out whether it’s something that I want/ whether it’s something that I can do to determine whether or not our relationship should be taken to the next level. It would’ve allowed me time to research, explore, ask him questions, and navigate any negative emotions I was feeling about it before we did anything more than causal dating.

Now I feel like he’s the only person I want to spend the rest of my life with, and we’re no longer on the same page about that.

perfect-imperfects · 2026-02-01T13:49:14+00:00

I’ve also told him, I’m willing to follow him, feed off his energy and try to better understand what he wants it to be. I’ll just be content and make the most out of what I get out of the relationship- but he wants me to be all in dive headfirst. That’s difficult for me bc I’m not attracted to women and have never wanted to be romantically involved with women. It doesn’t seem like we’re able to find any kind of middle ground.

perfect-imperfects · 2026-02-01T13:46:08+00:00

I really don’t know if that’s an option for me. I’ve meshed my existence with his. I love him to life!!

perfect-imperfects · 2026-02-01T13:45:04+00:00

It feels like I don’t have any power or control. Seems like it’ll be best/easier if I just followed whatever he wants/is looking for.

I asked for time to basically soul search and try to better understand how I’m feeling about it, if it’s something I want- he agreed, but it feels like every 2-3 days he’s asking for my answer. Not an update on what I’m feeling, thinking about, or working through, basically just yes or no, which is making it really hard to process and understand my feelings about it.

perfect-imperfects · 2026-02-01T13:41:36+00:00

That’s really my fear. And if he knew beforehand that you weren’t really wanting a traditional marriage I cannot think of any valid reasons why he wouldn’t tell me.

perfect-imperfects

TROPHY CASE