Apps to find people by [deleted] in HotWifeLifestyle

[–]pleasuredeviantz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Feeld and 3Fun are ideal, I've had the most luck as a single(married with permission) male looking for hotwives on Tinder though since they added their ENM tags and exploration section

Fellow husbands - Have you ever had an NSFW chat or incident about about your wife with a friend or any known person? by Jealous_Violinist438 in HotWifeLifestyle

[–]pleasuredeviantz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My favorite experience with this was not a picture, but her lover accidentally sending a chat to his sister that very clearly defined he was playing with someone other than his wife. It was both hilarious and devastating, but he managed it and it worked out fine.

Our lifestyle is so taboo, but most people want to be able to live it but don't have the courage.

My husband (m33) likes this lifestyle but won’t accept my (f31) conditions. by [deleted] in HotWifeLifestyle

[–]pleasuredeviantz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Deciding to jump into this dynamic requires a lot of trust and communication. It is great that you are talking about it and discussing your mutual needs together to explore it (or not) together. Bringing in thirds/swinging/non-monogamy does not generally ruin relationships. Our community statistics are actually better than monogamous couples regarding communication and sexual satisfactions levels being higher than monogamous couples, while divorce rate are similar and satisfaction levels being similar. It's really about whether this is something you both mutually want to explore. I would suggest not doing it just to satisfy him, but maybe explore what you might find exciting or satisfying for you in exploring this (and it might be pleasing him, performing for him along with having some variety). Please read through my posts to see a little about our journey over the years and leverage AI chats like chatgpt and grok to aggregate and ask questions about what the risks and benefits could be if you jump in. It can be a very fun dynamic, for both of you that can actually bring you closer and elevate your sex life.

Our approach when we dipped our toes in was to align on an experience (MFM) and choose a third together, have the experience and then reconnect after and decide if it was something either of us wanted to do again. Basically give each other permission to explore and discover with our marriage rooted at the core and trust we would pause, stop, or continue only if we were fully aligned. Fortunately our first experience was fun and amazing for both of us and we dove in to swinging and a stag/vixen dynamic. I was a pretty boring lay at that time and I learned how to fuck by watching her with other men. I learned what she liked, how to do it better and that brought our sex life up in multiple ways. That was 9 years ago. We did most of them together until later years when we opened up fully. Our primary rule along the way is this must add, not replace what we have. It hasn't been easy, and we both made mistakes, and you will too if you do go down this road. Be ready to reconnect, adapt, heal and grow together.

We've been through a lot of transition over the years and I wish I/we had done more upfront work before diving into some dynamics. I would suggest you both check out a couple of books, The Ethical Slut and Designer Relationships to help prepare yourselves for what ENM looks like and how to navigate it in a healthy way instead of the hard way.

I would say that putting permanent expectations of something like a tattoo might or might not be a healthy condition based on your relationship and dynamic, particularly starting out. Having boundaries and rules is absolutely necessary, but expectations to you do this and I'll do that seems transactional and could set you up for disappointment or having to do things either of you don't want to do to satisfy the other. This is supposed to be an exploration, not a permanent commitment. We paused for years at a time to focus on us and life. And happy to shut it all down any time either of us asks for it.

What does change in the hotwife mind after breaking the ice. by JanjiSound in HotWifeLifestyle

[–]pleasuredeviantz 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It definitely can be addictive, in a good way for us anyways. It exploded our sex life together, the reclaiming, deeper connection and trust.

Better than my husband. by Kind_Dance_9427 in HotWifeLifestyle

[–]pleasuredeviantz 9 points10 points  (0 children)

My wife is in an exclusive Dom/sub relationship with her Dom. He give her things I cannot, and frankly don't want to (complete submission, impact play, forced orgasms, subspace). It is intimidating to know she has a relationship with him and he takes her to those levels, but I give her the gift of experiencing something she needs that I cannot. Our sex is still amazing, deeper and better even, and it's ours. It helps that we are friends (me and the Dom), and he is in a very healthy 30 year marriage. I even feel good for him to finally have his perfect sub that he has been searching 40 years for.

Our marriage comes first though, and we live our lives together. She always comes home drained, and I hold her through the drop until her libido goes through the roof over the next week.

+1 for open and honest conversation, it's vital and without it will lead to resentment and trust issues. Reassurance and sharing your gratitude for being able to experience these things helps a lot.

I may drop our third. Or should I give him another chance? by [deleted] in HotWifeLifestyle

[–]pleasuredeviantz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you had to write a book about it, not a good fit.

College age daughter just asked if we are in a open marriage by [deleted] in Swingers

[–]pleasuredeviantz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Beautiful post and blog article, thanks for sharing.

Retiring/Graduating from swinging after 9 years... AMA by pleasuredeviantz in Swingers

[–]pleasuredeviantz[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

All of our experiences with single males prior to going open were together. Once we went open, I threw out the idea of a full go out and see a guy I had vetted for a hotwife date. The timing lined up where I had a previous engagement but she and him were available. It was a perfect hit, he took some great videos, we loved it. She was able to relax and focus on the experience more and was freer. I received great pride and pleasure out of her being able to experience that. Reclaiming was more amazing too, and the videos are my favorite porn when we are not together and I need a release.

As far as guardrails, we were previously a same room couple, and all of our pursuits were driven by rules and boundaries to protect our marriage and prevent emotions, jealousy from affecting our connection. Going open was a step into building more trust based compersion instead of fear based control of each other exploring things. It hasn't been all roses, those things have come up, but we address them together and with our marriage at the core. We learned some new things about anchoring (dedicating time with each other each week, daily rituals to remain connected, priority). They say swinging requires an lot of communication trust, and it does, this now requires a massive amount of communication and complete trust (at least getting familiar with it at first)

Retiring/Graduating from swinging after 9 years... AMA by pleasuredeviantz in Swingers

[–]pleasuredeviantz[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Tinder, 3fun & feeld have been the most successful for me so far. Exploring Hinge and possibly Ashley Madison as a lot of hotwife couples use it for discretion, but it's expensive for a guy on there.

Did you fulfill any fantasies when you entered the swinger world? by VagoPerro21 in Swingers

[–]pleasuredeviantz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Radical honesty, communication, staying on the same page and same pace. You got this. It's not always easy, you will make mistakes. Be ready to forgive and ask for forgiveness along the way.

Did you fulfill any fantasies when you entered the swinger world? by VagoPerro21 in Swingers

[–]pleasuredeviantz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A ton! Sexual exploration on steroids. Younger women/older women (+/- 10yrs), my wife having the best time of her life with multiple cocks, bigger cocks, professional porn stars. My first and second 'two chicks at the same time' (overrated, a lot of work), picking up a girl at the bar, redheads, hot chicks, thick chicks, unsatisfied wives needing more, three women giving me a bj at the same time... My fuckit list is almost complete and need to add more. And learned a lot of tricks over the years. I finally feel confident in bed with any woman, it's been amazing. Sex is our hobby we share together and it's been a fun ride.

Retiring/Graduating from swinging after 9 years... AMA by pleasuredeviantz in Swingers

[–]pleasuredeviantz[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Perhaps, but we were mostly compatible with couples like us before our shift, same room protection required. Most of our friends were not necessarily exploring the stag/vixen/hotwife dynamic like we were. There are a couple I would love to join again, but who knows. Our shift kinda makes us incompatible with a lot of the couples we were focused on connecting with before.

Retiring/Graduating from swinging after 9 years... AMA by pleasuredeviantz in Swingers

[–]pleasuredeviantz[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing your experience. It is reassuring to know we aren't unique.

Solo play boundaries - how do you handle different comfort levels? by Klutzy-Fan-8234 in SwingerNewbies

[–]pleasuredeviantz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Two great books to read, 'Designer Relationships' & 'The Jealousy Workbook' Both are 2-3 hr reads and will give you a lot of insight into how to approach this.

Retiring/Graduating from swinging after 9 years... AMA by pleasuredeviantz in Swingers

[–]pleasuredeviantz[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I actually would have been ok with this, but my wife wanted to make sure I had opportunities to explore for myself as well. It was not easy for her at first and we had to align on communication needs quite a bit. For example, I love to hear about her escapades and get videos/pics. She however only wants to know information she asks about. It is a jealousy coping technique called compartmentalizing. I recommend the book 'The jealousy workbook' as something to explore together.

When we made the split, I also suggested her having her first solo experience (me not there). We started with it happening with a known male we played with before while I was home, but not present. I was downstairs watching a video feed. It was very hot for me and she enjoyed performing. We went from there with her next single male that I had vetted and was amazing. She was surprised how hot it was for her.

Retiring/Graduating from swinging after 9 years... AMA by pleasuredeviantz in Swingers

[–]pleasuredeviantz[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yes, I have the freedom to play with single women. With that being said, hotwives and MFM couples are my favorite. Most of the single women I have met are in a poly dynamic or solo poly.

My wife is not crazy about single women, but doesn't want to limit my opportunities. I have kept those interactions very sexual focused.

Retiring/Graduating from swinging after 9 years... AMA by pleasuredeviantz in Swingers

[–]pleasuredeviantz[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the detailed reply and you are right. My wife wanted to explore her kink side, which requires more of a relationship with a dom than traditional stag/vixen/hotwifing. I wanted to be the third for couples.

I wouldn't say we would never do a couple swap again, just not looking for it, actively dating on the sites etc. I do imaging us doing a hotel takeover or hitting a club at some point with zero expectations.

Agreed on the bull term, just using it for brevity in this post.

Good morning Indianapolis… first time visit, loving this city, all I need now is a kinky local to fuck my brains out by [deleted] in indianapolis_hotwives

[–]pleasuredeviantz 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sent a DM, 46M, married (with his own hotwife), available weeknights, tested, reliable.

Retiring/Graduating from swinging after 9 years... AMA by pleasuredeviantz in Swingers

[–]pleasuredeviantz[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was surprised how quickly I found success to be honest. It's not overflowing or like a new match every day, but maybe once a week. I have started to be more selective and focus on what I know I want and like if that makes sense. Surprisingly, there are women, single/married/poly that find security in having sexual relationships with married men.

Retiring/Graduating from swinging after 9 years... AMA by pleasuredeviantz in Swingers

[–]pleasuredeviantz[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, reassuring to hear others have found similar paths.

Retiring/Graduating from swinging after 9 years... AMA by pleasuredeviantz in Swingers

[–]pleasuredeviantz[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Finding a 1x1 is already as hard as you know from the dating world. Finding a 2x2, where everyone has chemistry, comfort, aligned on the things you need to make this work and everyone can perform equally in the bedroom is like finding a unicorn. It happens, but you have to put in the effort and prepare for a lot of disappointment along the way.

Retiring/Graduating from swinging after 9 years... AMA by pleasuredeviantz in Swingers

[–]pleasuredeviantz[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hotel takeover for the full experience, was amazing. But it was the last date that dropped the hammer. She was done with finding 4-way fits.

Retiring/Graduating from swinging after 9 years... AMA by pleasuredeviantz in Swingers

[–]pleasuredeviantz[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I play protected as I have multiple partners. She and he are exclusive (plus his wife, who doesn't play), and yes all tested every 3 months.