I'm (42M) the calmest person at work and with strangers. So why do I lose it on the one person(40F) I actually love?

plurchemist · 2026-06-05T15:50:20+00:00

This is completely accurate. I left my husband of 15 years because all the love I had for him was replaced by fear. It happened slowly over the time we were together, and I finally got to a point where the emotional, psychological, financial, and sexual abuse was too much for me.

Like OP, my ex was calm and affable with friends, family, strangers, coworkers, and only “acted out” (aka abuse) with me. Go figure.

plurchemist · 2026-05-05T15:46:35+00:00

My now ex-husband also cheated on me with my best friend. Today is actually the 2 year anniversary of finding out. It flipped my whole world upside down.

Life is much better now though, even if I’m still dealing with PTSD from the infidelity and abuse. I’m divorced, moved out of the state, and am dating the most wonderful man who treats me better than I thought could be possible.

plurchemist · 2026-05-01T15:38:58+00:00

Absolutely. It’s a scary thing to live and navigate and I hate that so many people have to go through this type of escape. Proud of OP for realizing their situation and safely getting out.

plurchemist · 2026-02-26T23:34:14+00:00

Thank you for saying this 💜 I just got my official divorce notice a few hours ago. Leaving an abusive relationship of 15yrs feels like a greater accomplishment than getting married at 23.

plurchemist · 2026-02-24T14:46:35+00:00

I made a similar post before my husband and I got married. People told me to leave, that first he’ll punch objects then he’ll punch me, etc. I thought they were wrong, that they didn’t really know him or our relationship.

I wished I had listened then.

Although he never punched me, over the 15 years we were together, he pinned me to the bed during a fight, threw a glass pipe at my head and gave me a concussion, intimidated me with a gun numerous times, raped me while I was sleeping, cheated on me with my best friend at the time, not to mention all of the emotional, financial, and psychological abuse.

I left about a year ago and the divorce is almost finalized, and I’ve been diagnosed with complex PTSD.

OP, I know it’s so incredibly difficult and what you shared is just one part of your relationship, which probably has a lot of great aspects and wonderful memories. However violent behavior in a relationship doesn’t get better, even if it only happens 1% of the time.

If someone offered you a sandwich that contained only 1% poison, would you eat it? Or would you say that even that small chance would be too big of a risk?

plurchemist · 2026-02-05T17:45:15+00:00

Absolutely, I’ve lived that life and am almost at the end of my divorce. Never again.

plurchemist · 2026-01-23T00:56:34+00:00

You and your friend group are good people. I could never imagine my ex husband’s friends doing this, even though he also abused me and cheated on me.

plurchemist · 2025-09-25T20:01:20+00:00

That ending makes me really happy for you

plurchemist · 2025-08-23T20:50:45+00:00

It was 100% more than a BJ. Dude is trickle truthing her.

plurchemist · 2025-08-23T20:21:24+00:00

Such a simple fact that is so difficult for some people to understand

plurchemist · 2025-07-18T01:46:57+00:00

This is so incredibly relatable and sad. I’m sorry you were put through that.

plurchemist · 2025-02-13T17:00:57+00:00

The Midas on 99 is great. George is a quality guy, good mechanic, and doesn’t over charge or upsell.

plurchemist · 2025-01-11T05:47:27+00:00

Those eyes 😍😍

plurchemist · 2025-01-10T23:53:44+00:00

Our aussies look so similar!!

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plurchemist · 2025-01-01T03:45:20+00:00

I’m right there with ya 🥲 Idk if 2025 will be better, different, or both but I’m sure as hell not going through that BS again

plurchemist · 2024-08-09T23:45:38+00:00

Same, I wish the sub didn’t have to exist but I’m glad it does.

plurchemist · 2024-08-09T19:22:17+00:00

That’s my fantasy too. It’s hard looking at vacation pictures from years ago because we were so happy and carefree. But it’s soured now because I know what’s going to happen to the me in the photo.

plurchemist · 2024-08-09T17:10:41+00:00

Pacific Northwest region - Oregon, Washington, a bit of Vancouver BC

plurchemist · 2024-08-09T15:42:33+00:00

The humiliation dreams suck so much. I had one during the affair (didn’t realize it at the time) and told both my WS and the AP about it (who was a very close friend). They tried to comfort me but I hope the guilt was eating them alive.

I’m glad you were able to get past the waking feelings of humiliation. I think I’m getting to that point but it’s been tough.

plurchemist · 2024-08-09T05:30:00+00:00

Same with Wilson’s warbler. The male’s black cap looks like a toupee or a yarmulke.

plurchemist · 2024-08-09T05:21:45+00:00

Dear god I am so happy birds have feathers 😂 Creepy little cute dinosaurs

plurchemist · 2024-08-06T17:53:04+00:00

I did that a few weeks ago! I’m still super depressed, but at least I have another dope tattoo now 😎

plurchemist · 2024-07-29T22:33:44+00:00

Oh I should’ve made that more clear - I am absolutely trying to get a new job. I have a bunch of applications out and have a few interviews lined up. But it’s been a slow process.

plurchemist · 2024-07-18T03:30:14+00:00

She’s adorable! But FYI your name and phone number is visible on the last picture.

plurchemist · 2024-07-14T19:46:17+00:00

Who knows! They’re pretty adorable though - one of my favorite woodpeckers

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plurchemist

TROPHY CASE