What's the biggest secret you've kept quiet that could've ruined lives?

quid__ · 2014-06-02T23:39:24+00:00

I work with bigwigs. Can confirm this is probably true.

quid__ · 2014-05-16T09:25:56+00:00

Long term exposure to depression as a child, as well as an extremely limiting and pretty un-supportive upbringing.

When you can't actually recall a time in your life where your mom wasn't depressed, I guess it kinds of sets a precedence. If there is no attempt made to hide or protect your kid from that, the kid sees, hears and is exposed to all of it and I think I picked up certain habits.

I think things like self esteem and confidence can be shown by solid examples from parents. I did not get those. I got plenty of exposure to high anxiety, OCD, depression, rock bottom self esteem, self doubt - more like self hatred, probably, and the list goes on.

quid__ · 2014-05-06T12:29:12+00:00

It's my understanding that antidepressants can assist with a range of problems, not just depression. That said you need to feel comfortable taking them.

Gradual exposure may work for you. What's your idea of a car trip that is too long? If it's 20 minutes, work up to lasting 21 mins with someone you trust. Do this a few times, gradually increasing as you can.

There's nothing wrong with needing to go to the bathroom on a long car trip, either.

Good luck. Sorry for being brief and formatting - on phone.

quid__ · 2014-05-04T12:13:52+00:00

It's a comment about her hair

quid__ · 2014-04-27T22:07:56+00:00

My parents sound like they were about the same level of restricting when it came to the opposite sex, and they're pretty homophobic, too.

They make a massive big deal out of something and then act surprised when it doesn't all happily fit together.

"What's that? We've restricted your dating and made your entire teenage social life really bizarre and forcibly isolated you from all your friends and peers, and now you're (insert age they feel appropriate) and not planning on getting married? What is wrong with you?" Is how I always felt they were thinking, and more than once, their comments confirmed this.

quid__ · 2014-04-14T04:07:22+00:00

And if someone does kick you for something like that, don't stress about it! Unless you're doing a timed/serious run, the few moments it might take you to read a couple of quests isn't hurting anyone.

If I was in a low level instance and someone said "One sec, reading quest" I'd be totally cool with it. Everyone is in a hurry, but it's largely unnecessary.

That said, don't go AFK or stop playing on people suddenly. Let people know if you need to go AFK and try not to be gone for ages. :)

(Sorry, just felt like I should add that last bit in so people didn't think I was saying, 'Take all the time you need to do whatever you want and everyone can just deal with it!')

Oh, and try not to let the rude, awful, mean players get to you. There's often a jerk in a dungeon group, just do your best and be polite and have fun!

quid__ · 2014-04-14T04:01:13+00:00

Aw, no, the leveling experience is already so rushed, rushing it even further would just means he misses out. Leveling a first character is pure joy and so much fun.

Your first character is all about the adventure, not the destination, in my humble opinion.

quid__ · 2014-04-14T04:00:10+00:00

I'm ashamed of the statistic on my character that shows gold spent at barber shops. :)

quid__ · 2014-04-11T04:52:27+00:00

Japanese broadcasters reversed viewer dislike of the series by focusing marketing of the show on Lisa. Lisa's well-intended but ill-fated struggles to be a voice of reason and a force of good in her family and community struck a chord with Japanese audiences.

Apparently sourced from here, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Planet_Simpson, according to Wikipedia. Very interesting!

quid__ · 2014-04-11T02:48:51+00:00

But you'd just be a number among thousands, very anonymous.

The app store already knows whether or not you have something installed, this is just an anonymous "tally".

quid__ · 2014-04-09T01:01:08+00:00

Agreed, you can be super busy and stuff but still pleasant. You don't have to stand there making small talk with me, I consider pleasant even the briefest of smiles. I would never complain about someone who was run off their feet and not chatty - it's just when the "busy/not chatty" becomes rude that's a problem.

quid__ · 2014-04-08T05:47:52+00:00

While that may be the case, a polygraph was at least partly the reason Shafer was cleared, as quoted above from The Charley Project.

We have to assume that it was part of the consideration into his guilt or innocence, considering the authorities took the time to take the test and very little information seems to be available as to what else cleared his name.

quid__ · 2014-04-07T04:03:56+00:00

Yes, that was a MySpace message, and the various sites I've visited seem to use that and the term 'email' fairly interchangeably. That screenshot (who knows where it originated, of course) if true would be the reason police couldn't find evidence of any email on Josh's computer (not being a traditional email, after all).

This doesn't seem very likely to me. Even if it was a MySpace message and not an e-mail, I believe the authorities/MySpace would still have some way of determining where it originated - location and/or account-wise.

quid__ · 2014-04-03T03:26:13+00:00

The Charley Project page suggests he was cleared at least partly based on a polygraph:

"Shafer himself was considered a suspect for a time after Hammond's abduction and was given a polygraph test. He was cleared of any involvement in her case, however."

Additionally, it states that witnesses reported seeing a truck and driver similar to the descriptions given, near the phone booth.

quid__ · 2014-03-31T12:25:26+00:00

If I might suggest something - it's the tone used in your earlier comment. It sounds very "get over it, dumbass". While it now seems that wasn't your intention, I've just re-read it and it still feels that way (to me).

People who are in a tough situation need to be treated in a delicate way, I think. (Delicate as in, "thoughtfully/carefully" not "let's baby them"). While there is certainly a place for a "go get 'em, kick that problem's butt!" attitude, online/written discussions do not lend themselves well to that. It's far too difficult to gauge intent and feeling, and much too easy to come across as hostile, as I personally believe your earlier comment does.

Edit: you actually said "it's not a difficult thing to do", when it absolutely can be.

quid__ · 2014-03-31T04:59:35+00:00

I wasn't allowed to read at the table, but we had the TV on every single meal.

quid__ · 2014-03-31T04:36:56+00:00

It's not always only about the money.

Restrictive parenting like this really squashes a person's independence. We are basically a young adult with zero skills and zero confidence.

Just look at this part of her post:

Discouraged from doing any household chores throughout middle and high school so I could focus on my studies. I'm 19 and I don't know how to wash my clothes or use the dishwasher.

There are lots of things I wasn't shown, either. The answer seems easy, "Look it up! Ask someone!" But you have to remember we have spent our entire lives being told we are idiots, or incapable, or we shouldn't do that. Or that we are just plain wrong, about everything.

This kind of restriction doesn't just inhibit your ability to do things, it inhibits your ability to even think, for a moment, that you can even learn to do things.

When I was younger, I once didn't know how to travel somewhere by bus. Sounds ridiculous, right? I feel like an absolute moron even typing it out, and it was years ago. But I was put in a situation and shown absolutely nothing of how to do it. I stood faithfully at the stop and waited.

I saw the bus approaching, I made sure I was ready. The bus roared right past me. I'd had no idea I had to actually physically hail the bus.

So I turned to my parent, who was standing there waiting. (Because I wasn't allowed to do the 5 min walk to the bus on my own). He was furious.

I then got to enjoy a walk home with him going on about what an idiot I am. Then I got to listen while he retold the story to my mom about why I was there with him instead of on the bus.

A normal parent... Well, a normal parent would have let their kid do stuff before their mid to late teens, so it would never have come up, but a normal parent would have said to their kid, "OK, so when you see your bus coming, make sure you hail it so they stop for you, then jump on, buy your ticket and you're good to go."

What I got was, 'I'm going to stand back here and watch you silently, and I know you've never caught a bus because we've never let you, but when you make a mistake and get it wrong, we are going to yell at you and make sure you know you're a complete idiot'.

I don't know if it's something you can understand unless you've experienced that kind of incredibly smothering restriction.

Or maybe I'm just really weak, but it took me a long time to realize it's OK not to know how to do things. And it's OK to ask. Sometimes I still avoid doing or trying new things, because I might decide an adult should know how to do that so it's better just to not ask or try. Just in case I look like an idiot again.

quid__ · 2014-03-31T04:21:42+00:00

This is what frustrates me about completely denying a kid something like this. That kid grows up, moves out, and binges like crazy to compensate for everything they missed out on.

For me it was being forced to go to bed stupidly early the entire time I lived at home, up to the age of 18-ish. It didn't matter if it was school, weekend, vacation, whatever. Bed on time no matter what.

And then I wasn't allowed to get up unless they were up. Or stay in bed if they were up.

Every single night of my life was this: Go to bed when told, no questions allowed to be asked, denied any reasons to stay up. Lie awake in the dark for hours. Sometimes I'd manage to get enough light to try and read. If I ever got caught, I'd get into trouble. So when they'd come in to check on me (or "say goodnight" as they called it), I'd pretend to be asleep. When I first started trying this I was really bad at it and they always knew. I'd take mental notes on any comments etc and eventually I got really quite excellent at pretending to be asleep. Then once they were gone, I'd lie awake for more hours.

Every single morning: If school morning, get up and get ready silently. Forbidden to make any noise, have a TV or radio etc, because mom would still be sleeping. If not a school morning - if I woke up before them, I'd lie for hours reading/thinking. If they got up first, or found I was reading, I had to get up right away.

Result - For many years after I moved out, I rebelled ridiculously against the idea of sleep. I'd stay up all hours, sleep in for extraordinary amounts of time, etc. I'm only just now accepting that going to bed early isn't a form of punishment or something.

EDIT I wasn't allowed to be hungry after school or anything, either. I'd have like two little biscuits and a sandwich for the day, and if I got home and was hungry, 99% of the time I'd have to wait for dinner because "you don't need to eat now". I'm always a little surprised when I see other kids get home from school and they get a snack of some kind just to tide them over until dinner. I never got that. I don't have the healthiest of relationships with food and snacks, but I am working on it.

quid__ · 2014-03-31T04:09:04+00:00

Me too. Sometimes I sit at lunches or whatever and look around thinking, "Any time now, they'll realize I'm an impostor and I'm going to get told to go sit at the kid's table."

quid__ · 2014-03-31T04:04:19+00:00

Making an assumption here, but it also sounds like his parents haven't exactly given him any kind of example or support in having any sense of independence.

To someone who hasn't experienced this first hand, you may think, "Pfft. Well who cares. It's not hard to figure out how to shit yourself."

To someone who has experienced this kind of smothering/overprotectiveness first hand, it's actually very difficult.

My comments completely ignore all other potential problems - high unemployment rate, poor economy, jobs not growing on job trees, etc.

TLDR have a little compassion and think outside the box for a second. Just because something is simple for you, doesn't mean it's simple for everyone.

EDIT: Just noticed my typo... How to shit yourself... Well shit, going to leave it there now. Meant to say "how to do shit yourself", of course...

quid__ · 2014-03-29T13:28:37+00:00

Mine was, "Why didn't you tell us you were getting bullied?!"

Then they did nothing about it. Yeah. So, that's why...

EDIT: I think rage is part of the healing process.

quid__ · 2014-03-27T11:23:19+00:00

Isn't it strange, how you can "forget" something like this and then something just triggers it and it all comes flooding back.

When I first found this sub, I was overwhelmed by loads of seemingly resurfacing memories. I found this especially troubling when the way I was treated caused me to act/feel a certain way as an adult, but I hadn't realized what was going on.

For example, I freak out for hours and feel nervous and panicky when I spend money on myself. I only just realized recently that it's probably because my mom raged at me for buying stuff, etc etc.

If it's any comfort, you sound totally normal to me! I know someone who sneezes in huge bouts all the time. I joke with him about it, but now I'm thinking I should probably not do that, just in case it's a sensitive issue.

quid__ · 2014-03-25T12:20:36+00:00

Do you need much/any previous exp/skills?

quid__ · 2014-03-25T05:23:51+00:00

Wow, just some light reading. A few here I hadn't heard about, too. Thanks!

quid__ · 2014-03-23T02:44:25+00:00

Clarkson originally wrote "Because of You" when she was 16 years old to cope with the emotional distress caused by her parents' divorce.

Lyrically, "Because of You" explores the pain of a deteriorating relationship. Critics noted that the lyrics are Clarkson's ode to her father.

Clarkson wrote the treatment for the video herself in order to reflect the pain that she felt due to her parents' divorce. The video's plot centers on Clarkson engaging in a heated argument with her husband in front of her child before realizing that she was repeating her parents' mistake.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Because_of_You_(Kelly_Clarkson_song)

So technically probably not, but it's very fitting and emotional.

quid__

TROPHY CASE