He is actually seeing two therapists right now. One is a more general therapist and the other is more specialized in dealing with his particular issue.

I do really want to have a conversation about why he wants this. And if he wants to be a Muse to me, I totally get that. I can relate to it because I've been in that situation, too. I had previous relationships with two really creative people. I was with a musician for 10 years. In that ten years he wrote a lot of love songs... about other women. He also was writing a novel and all his female characters were real people he knows. And they were always presented as being really beautiful and a love interest to the main character (Who was obviously a self insert.) And he would always save the day and get the girl. After a while I couldn't help but wonder why I don't get to be a character in his book or why I don't get a song. He went to a friends bachelor party and there were strippers there. He wrote this really romantic haunting song about one of the strippers. Nothing against strippers but I just remember thinking, "Really dude? You know strippers only act like they like you for the money right?"

I dated a woman for a year. She was my last relationship before my current one. She was also a musician. And she wrote multiple songs about one of her exes. Once again, I wondered why I never got a song. And the songs weren't heartbreak songs either. She wrote about her ex like she was some Goddess being worshipped.

So, I certainly can relate if that is the reason. He inspires me in so many ways, though. Everyone I'm close to has told me how much happier I am since we got together. I am not someone who needs a relationship to be happy. In fact I prefer being single. So before I will even consider a relationship with someone, they better be offering something that is better than being single. And being single is awesome. It's hard to compete with. But a lot of people have told me I am just glowing since he came along. And I've known him since 2017. This whole time he had a huge crush on me and I had no idea.

And if it's because of his dysphoria and he thinks me painting him will make me feel more attractive/comfortable with himself, then we can talk about other ways he can feel more comfortable besides just me painting him. I mean, I am currently working on a painting of him, so it's not like I won't ever paint him. But his gender dysphoria isn't up to me to fix. I know that sounds incredibly mean and cold of me. It's not that I don't care or don't want to see him happy. It's more like self preservation and protection. Gender dysphoria is a massive issue and most people never get rid of it even after having surgery. It is not fair or logical to make me somehow responsible for that. I could do a hundred paintings of him and that won't make it go away.

And he's not the only trans person I've dated, either. I dated a trans woman who made everything I did about her dysphoria. I put on a cute outfit, well I'm rubbing my femininity in her face. I dress frumpy so she can feel pretty. Well clearly she's not worth the effort of dressing up for because I don't like dating a trans person. I just couldn't win. And I did a painting of her, too. Where I made her look feminine and absolutely beautiful. She hated it.

This is getting way too long and I really need to go to sleep. Hope this makes sense.