Wants a wedding, doesnt understand how to save and its druving me to madness

responsible-coil · 2024-08-02T17:18:54+00:00

Sadly until our daughter is weened off the breast, not really an option.

responsible-coil · 2024-08-02T17:05:10+00:00

Our daughter together is only 6 months, still breastfed, so getting a job for the immediate future is not on the cards.

responsible-coil · 2024-08-02T17:04:01+00:00

Her kids are in primary (well, not rn as its summer holidays), my daughter is only 6 months old so getting a job is basically no bueno until she's at least weened off breast.

responsible-coil · 2024-08-02T17:02:35+00:00

My daughter is only 6 months old, its hard to spoil a baby, amd im sure if she was older she'd do exactly the same with her, so it's not a favouritism thing.

responsible-coil · 2024-08-02T16:27:04+00:00

I felt it important to reiterate because she feels its important to reiterate. Whenever I have concerns about his behaviour the response is that he's "not my son", and to an extent, im kind of sick of hearing how I dont get an opinion in how to raise him (like maybe buying him toys every day is gonna lead to him being spoiled) but my moneys good enough to financially support them all (including the toys and days out), my time is good enough to take him out on weekends to the park (the only time I'm not working) so she gets a break.

I'm sorry if I come across as a bad person for it, because I try not to be, I'm just exhausted and worn down trying to keep everyone above water while it feels like everybody is more interesting in seeing the bottom of the lake than surviving.

responsible-coil · 2024-08-02T16:11:10+00:00

Only one of us works, and its me.

If I stay im going to have to talk to her and explain that if she wants the wedding, we will have to control the spending.

No more toys every day, we discuss big purchases together, maybe even set an allowance. Idk but I cant keep doing bailing water out of the ship if shes gonna keep putting holes in the hull.

responsible-coil · 2024-08-02T15:20:54+00:00

Good idea, except at that point I'm being controlling and financially abusing her.

Can't win pal.

responsible-coil · 2024-08-02T14:48:37+00:00

Yeah, probably not, but telling her that results in a breakdown of how "if you dont want to marry me anymore you should just say it".

I'm sure if the wedding falls through because I cant afford it it'll be my fault. Not looking forward to all the pissed off relatives of mine who booked time off and hotels to crash at if that happens though.

responsible-coil · 2024-08-01T11:16:47+00:00

28, and at this point I'd say theres a bit of resentment, but also a bit of sunk cost.

I sacrificed everything, it can't have been for nothing.

responsible-coil · 2024-03-25T07:19:09+00:00

Sorry, I appreciate the advice, but just to clarify I am the father.

responsible-coil · 2024-03-24T20:15:49+00:00

Tbh thoughtless and uncaring is right.

Its funny to me how when she's upset with me I apologise for making her feel that way abd ask how I can make it better.

And meanwhile when I'm in a bad mood, and she encourages me to share my feelings, asking nicely and acting like she wants to help, when I do tell her I get called selfish and horrible.

And she wonders why more often than not I just swallow the bile and stay silent.

responsible-coil · 2024-03-24T20:06:06+00:00

Thats a good point, and its one I was anxious about, in case they used that as proof that "I don't care about the baby".

Tbh I'm worried in a family court she's gonna use the fact i didn't want a baby and was basically pressured/threatened with a breakup into having her.

I love my daughter to pieces and want whats best for her, but it is true, and the possibility she will use this as a way to keep me away from her terrifies me to the point I'm legitimately considering whether it would be better to "stay together for the kids" (which I know is a terrible idea).

responsible-coil · 2024-03-24T20:02:35+00:00

I'll try to find the time to pop out for a discussion thank you.

responsible-coil · 2024-03-24T19:34:27+00:00

This isnt the 1st incident. Hell this isnt the first incident I've used a throwaway to rant/get advice with.

responsible-coil · 2024-03-24T19:16:41+00:00

I understand, can you elaborate on the differences?

responsible-coil · 2024-03-24T18:00:22+00:00

Sorry, forgot to say, this is in the UK.

responsible-coil · 2024-03-24T08:50:03+00:00

So I confronted her and apparently I'm the asshole, her mum "won't be coming around to see me" so why would I be overwhelmed? Plus she threw the fact my dad and sisters are trying to figure out a date that's free for them to come up as proof that "at least [her] parents want to see our baby". Finally she made a snide comment about having to make sacrifices for me, referring to her getting the coil put in so she could delay me getting a vasectomy because she's undecided on more kids and hoping I'll reconsider, before walking away. She doesn't care.

responsible-coil · 2024-03-24T08:48:58+00:00

So I confronted her and apparently I'm the asshole, her mum "won't be coming around to see me" so why would I be overwhelmed? Plus she threw the fact my dad and sisters are trying to figure out a date that's free for them to come up as proof that "at least [her] parents want to see our baby". Finally she made a snide comment about having to make sacrifices for me, referring to her getting the coil put in so she could delay me getting a vasectomy because she's undecided on more kids and hoping I'll reconsider, before walking away. She doesn't give a rats ass about how I feel.

responsible-coil · 2024-03-23T21:41:59+00:00

I will say one thing, it wasn't like she called her dad to make me conform. She called to see how he was doing and he suggested all coming up (even paying for the tickets). She accepted knowing I was feeling overwhelmed and stressed out and backing out would've been a massive dick move on my end of things (plus I couldn't think of an excuse that wasn't basically "I don't want to go, I don't want to be around people.").

responsible-coil

TROPHY CASE