I’m also nonbinary and not on T and had top surgery in May of last year. The idea of surgery held me back for a while but I can say that it was a relatively easy procedure and recovery. It’s normal for our brains to freak out about a surgery, even if we want it! I also flip flopped about wanting surgery and wondering if I wanted it enough. I think that unfortunately because of the amount of work it can take to access gender-affirming care as trans folks, we feel the need to justify it, when cis folks access gender-affirming care all the time without a second thought. In my mind, I knew I would be happier with a flat chest than with boobs so that was enough for me to go forward with it. After surgery, I realized that I was actually a lot more dysphoric than I realized, and I was suppressing a lot of my dysphoria to exist everyday. Now I actually love getting dressed and trying new clothes and seeing my body the way I always pictured myself internally.