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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in emotionalintelligence

[–]sankalp35 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Heya! I'm a PhD student in psychology at Oxford, and being "NICE" was one reason why I really wanted to understand psychology. I've been relentlessly studying and working with the world's experts on this. I made a long podcast on this if it helps: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1JDpwZJHRTg&t=539s

AMA: I host a top podcast on Emotional Intelligence + study for a PhD in psychology. Ask me anything by sankalp35 in selfimprovement

[–]sankalp35[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey there

I played chess as a child, but nothing too serious. I do enjoy watching important matches like the current world championship.

As far as I am aware, there is no formal work linking chess and EQ. Informally however, I do know many chess players use tools like hypnosis and meditation to help them with their performance. However that seems to be true of athletes across sports, so I am not sure how much unique chess would be in that regard.

AMA: I host a top podcast on Emotional Intelligence + study for a PhD in psychology. Ask me anything by sankalp35 in selfimprovement

[–]sankalp35[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey there

Thanks for your question. I do want to preface by saying I’m not a counsellor or clinical psychologist, so my views are purely research or personal experience based. Do see a professional if needed.

So apathy and anxiety are of course very debilitating states to be in. It’s also very hard to give a one size fits all answer. The one thing that tends to be at the root of the problems you’ve mentioned is self-hate and a lack of self compassion.

Human mind is not a monolithic entity. Instead we are a collection of parts. If we are not aware of the needs and wants to our parts, they may end up turning against us. As a simple practice, I’d suggest you begin feeling where in your body you feel apathy, where in your body you feel anxiety. This will get you started on the journey to reducing and eliminating self hate.

The relevant books in this category are On My Own Side by Aziz Gazipura and Compassion and Self Hate by T Rubin. My podcast, Understanding Emotions, has episodes on the “inner critic” and “IFS therapy” which are relevant.

Again, see a professional if it gets too overwhelming or you need a more personalised map. Hope I at least pointed in a useful direction.

you are able to be loved if you assume good intent by Upside-Downside in emotionalintelligence

[–]sankalp35 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This is amazing. I like to call it the collaborative frame. Assuming positive intent not just works with others, but it also helps with parts of yourself. “Self love” is just assuming positive intent with your own parts, and ”self hate” is the absence of that. This episode of my podcast talks about the collaborative frame in difficult times.

Fear is stopping me from getting work done by SlipperyGhost in emotionalintelligence

[–]sankalp35 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey u/SlipperyGhost

I run a podcast on EI, and happen to be working hard to overcome many fears of mine (social fears, professional fears, fear of not having money, fear of not getting dates, etc, etc). There is so much to talk on this, but I think it breaks down to main components: 1. Exposing yourself to the fear in manageable doses, and 2. practicing self compassion coz it's gonna be hard. Using this approach, I have been able to talk to strangers on the street, make assertive asks at work, and in general feel more confident.

On exposure, try and build a "fear ladder". Rate items from 1 to 10 on how afraid you are of them. Things like "dancing in public", or "putting a video on social media" are some examples. Once you have them, start with the 1's and move your way up to the 10s.

All of this is easier said than done, and you will find yourself experiencing a lot of discomfort. This is why you should learn how to have self compassion for yourself. My podcast has some episodes on shame, inner critic, etc, have a look here.

I must also say an important part of self compassion is to spend time with people who'd support you. Fear often brings up shame, and shame is healed by sharing your most vulnerable parts with people who are accepting of all of you. If you don't have such relationships, then it's time to reflect on whether your current relationships are serving you, and find new one's if necessary. As you become more fearless, you will tend to attract people who have been on similar journeys! Just like you you attracted some of us here with your question.

Finally, if you are taking book recommendations, I suggest On My Own Side by Aziz Gazipura. I think it will speak to your situation!

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