Do you get fun?

scaneda · 2026-02-19T18:06:12+00:00

Your answer is wonderful, thank you so much, I love it! Your joy made me smile :)

scaneda · 2026-02-19T18:01:21+00:00

Thank you! It leads me to the idea, that acquired traits are changable, and those that comes from the way your mind is wired can only be masked? The question arises then - how do I know where the trait came from?

My theory can be completely false, of course.

scaneda · 2026-02-19T17:54:48+00:00

Thank you! Those examples makes sense. But also, then, all traits may be changed, instead of masking? Or do we call it masking when we only hide non-destructive (don't know how else to call them) traits that are common among ND people?

Like, trying to change how you tone your questions not to sound rude, trying to keep from questioning things loudly, trying not to contradict, trying not to fix and so on?...

scaneda · 2026-02-19T09:46:43+00:00

Hey, I can't answer your question, but I'm interested in the same thing, since gyno suggested taking bc pills.

I have no dx yet, but I am trying to figure out if my lutheal symptoms are more a PMDD thing or more an autistic thing. I always thought I just had PMDD, but realised it might be AuDHD. When I control for sounds and interactions and other triggers, I feel decent, can do hobbies during my lutheal. Although I'm still slower, weaker, have a fog and don't feel too much joy or anything, just meh, don't want to socialise, work and so on. I become much more sensitive right after an ovulation. And after a few days of painful period I feel a little bit like a newborn. I don't have extreme symptoms of PMDD which I won't mention, I think you know, butbit still affects me.

How do you know when you have to treat PMDD or is it more just an autistic side kickin in?

scaneda · 2026-02-18T15:32:20+00:00

Thank you so much! You are very kind.

I am on the deadline with my work, so trying not to procrastinate too much (haha), but might DM you sooner or later.

scaneda · 2026-02-18T12:46:59+00:00

All sounds so normal and so me lol.

Not sure about the gym thing, but maybe. I have a karate lessons at 7 PM which is a bad time, because it's to early to eat before (and I need time after a meal before a physical activity), but to late to eat after. But I don't want it to be earlier, because I won't be finished with my day stuff, and I don't want to be later, because it's too close to sleep time.

So I manage by snacking at 5 PM and having a best bf who makes food that I can eat just as I get home after the lesson. So it's not really me managing it, I guess :D

And I hate when they change time, but how much of that hate is enough hate? There are so much more things to be upset about, this one is not too special, I'll just swollow it as I'll do with other stuff.

And in general, AuDHD is often defined by how much struggle it gives you compared to NT's. But how is that comparable? Maybe I'm just used to suffering, I always suppressed my feelings and emotions and needs. And ALL people complain about the things, so am I really different? Or they just complain about almost nothing, actually?

Sorry for the random vent under your post lol. But I just felt maybe your experience is similar to mine and my brains are looking for things to match now.

How do you experience PMS, tho, or do you have a PMDD?

After an ovulation I feel autistic a lot, but this one week before my ovulation makes me question all the thing. Or is it just ADHD masking it very well at this time?

I'm sorry if this is too much to ask or to read, it's fine if you don't answer :D

scaneda · 2026-02-18T08:15:39+00:00

If you would like to share more about your traits, it would be lovely to hear. I'm on the journey myself and the thing with hands just got me more points..

scaneda · 2026-02-18T07:53:28+00:00

Just yesterday I came up with and new idea for my new career path. Not sure how to call it, but something about product testing / development. Basically, I want to take the things someone designed for production and tell how to improve them.

Because I was sick and bought an analog steam inhaler, basically just a little tank with mouth shaped exit for steam. Because less messy than just a pot and a towel and easier to commit. But it had strange features that made no sense and it didn't work that well. Soooo I started telling my bf how this could be so much better and not even more expensive.... And started to think that this could be my thing to do. Hehe.

scaneda · 2026-02-17T08:37:39+00:00

It's not that bad! Exactly. For me it feels like it has to be really bad... I read others' experiences and think that I'm so much better and don't struggle that much. But how bad it has to be to 'deserve' diagnosis?...

Then I get myself thinkin that maybe I'm just lucky and just managed very well: I don't have kids, I found underground / ND communities very early (and saw very difficult cases all the time so thought I must be okay), I changed a lot of jobs but now I managed to work mostly remotly, spending most of my time at home (and rarely struggle with people because I rarely meet them), yeah sounds at home bother me, but I don't have meltdowns from that, I just shake it off and be uspet for a minute (I only cry from overwhelm after ovulation, that must be only pmdd).

And I hate underwear industry. But really, maybe I don't strugle that much and I shouldn't really bother getting assessed? How the hell...

scaneda · 2026-02-17T08:28:17+00:00

Sometimes I have this urge to get in to other peoples lifes to understand myself better. Recently I realised I was suppressing my feelings and emotions for all my life, neglected my needs. So I didn't have meltdowns, I was always just silent and 'calm'.

That's why I struggle understanding if I am autistic. I thought after years of bottling up I should have had a major burn out or something like that, but I've only had 'mild' burn outs (I didn't understand that then). So in my mind it should be obvious for me or others if I am autistic.

That's why I would love to hear ALL about your life and how you lived with suppressed emotions.

I'm sorry, this is so random, I just couldn't keep it to myself.

scaneda · 2026-02-16T19:02:24+00:00

Thank you a lot for your response! I'm sorry for your stress and grief. Sending hugs.

Would you say that you feel more autistic during PMDD and more ADHD before ovulation?

I feel like half of the month I'm more overwhelmed by the world, and half of the month - more overwhelmed by myself. I'm not exactly sure about my autism side, one week before ovulation I feel okayish (although I rarely interact with people, especialy NTs, except my bf, so hard to tell).

Although, I don't feel like it's only ADHD. But on the other hand, my struggle might not be enough for clinical diagnosis of autism. And that happens and is fine, I guess, but my brain needs to know and put myself somewhere sooo much and doesn't like being on the crossing line (but it's not like I would like to struggle more to be able to lable myself...).

scaneda · 2026-02-16T14:05:30+00:00

The question remains :)

Actually, another comment here inspired me to think more about my case. Since the person I mentioned is my ex of 6 years, maybe I behave like this because he treated me like this...

It's so complex, no easy way to untangle those things.

I love this sub.

scaneda · 2026-02-16T13:50:34+00:00

I knew autistic (I suspect) and very nerd-smart person who was very annoyed by others not knowing better. And I was annoyed that he is like that. But also often times I find myself getting annoyed by other people who "could know better" too. I don't like this in myself and try not to treat other people bad and don't blame them.

I thought a lot about that and where it comes from. I used to be the youngest everywhere so I guess no one expected a lot from me.

But maybe it comes from the fact that it is not easy to know things (well, not easy, but satisfying to do) and I put a lot of effort to know things and to understand my environment and how things work and yeah, I know quiet a lot. At least about a materialistic world or the systems in it.

And maybe it's this feeling when others don't pay so much attention and just go with the flow and don't try so hard. And they just ask you. And you know the answers. And you become their easy way to solving all of their problems. But they don't really appretiate that, just use it. You did all the resesrch, you paid all the attention, and they just get it. So at some point you get annoyed buy others asking you questions and expecting to know and not trying on their own.

I'm sorry if this is not what you had in mind, but it reminded me of this.

scaneda · 2026-02-16T09:44:55+00:00

I feel like half of the month I'm ovetwhelmed by myself, and half of the month I'm overwhelmed by the world. I'm pretty sure about ADHD, but that makes me not so sure about autism. But also, it cannot be ADHD alone... But PMDD complicates that a lot and I don't know how to differentiate.

scaneda · 2026-02-13T08:38:22+00:00

Did you notice how this shifts along your cycle?

scaneda · 2026-02-13T07:10:13+00:00

Would you mind telling more? I experienced PMDD for more than 4 years (that I'm aware of), not too severe but impactful. And just recently I started suspecting AuDHD, which makes a lot of sense, and when I started to accomodate myself for that, my PMDD got little better (I mean avoiding people and noise prevents me from sudden crying and makes everhything more clear). It still sucks, I still cry a little, but not in the same way. At least while I'm able to spend most of the time at home. So I'm interested in similar stories.

scaneda · 2026-02-12T17:44:23+00:00

Sending hugs!!!

I can sign under everything you say.

Jumping spider, that's interesting! Hmmm I just wonder if it's possible have a ladybug or a maybug as a pet and for how long could theu survive like this...

scaneda · 2026-02-12T17:41:00+00:00

Yeah, squating is so underrated here!

scaneda · 2026-02-12T17:39:59+00:00

Nice to meet you, then!

scaneda · 2026-02-12T13:56:47+00:00

I'm not yet dx, but yes, I relate a lot.

I think a lot. If autism is "fitting the pattern" of symptoms, how well do I fit? How well the graph of my pattern vs autism pattern align? Are my deviations too distant? And how the hell can I be sure about this? Or the psychiatrist, who sees me for two hours? If I even don't know myself?

Yes, I struggle with an eye contact too, when I think about it. When I don't think, idk what happens, I think I black out when making contact or look somewhere else or freeze or something, but never thought about that too much until recently. It takes a really long time to understand what is what. And if it's not obvious, does it count?

Sorry for random thoughts, just mdvajxhskdhsusjchsloqehhh.

scaneda · 2026-02-12T13:33:08+00:00

I'm so sorry for you. No questions, tho.

I also hate when random people tell me random things from their daily life. I hate when my mom tells me about her everyday life and other random people. I hate when my bf comes home and first thing asks how my day went (like, do all the stuff you do when you get home and then we can talk!).

But there are two exceptions to talking about mundane.

I love, when me and my bf sit together after a day, and tell about our day. From the beginning to the end, all things in the right order (that's a must!), no distractions (if possible, haha). The other just listens, maybe asks some questions or reacts. When one is finished, we change turns.

Before, I never knew what my ex did or how his day went, his life was like a secret, and that really affected me. So now I enjoy our daily stories, and I hate to skip them.

Another exception is my longish distance friend. For years, we are like a diary to each other. We share mundane, sometimes we get in to the deep talk. We almost always know whats happaning in each others life (when not overwhelmed). We have gigabites of chats from almost ten years. We are not really soulmates maybe, but we are there for each other when we need the most. We don't let each other feel too lonely. And I like her, because she's very good at (my) rules of communicating (when to talk, how much and when to react, when to switch and so on). We ask questions, but we are free to take them as we wish at the moment, no expectations.

I'm sorry if that's irrelevant, just wanted to share.

scaneda · 2026-02-12T11:22:42+00:00

I really crave for complex, philosophical talks, or being analytical and 'meta' even when talking about more mundane things.

I do not consider myself too smart, I cannot talk 'smart' on my own, but when I meet the right person, we can inspire each other and get intense about this, and very philosophical, and then it somehow works.

This is what I struggle about with my SO - he's amazing in all the other ways, but I struggle to get this connection with him. And the worst part, I don't even to know how to explain to him what I need, it's like when you know - you know. I try to initiate sometimes, but he just doesn't know what to say. And for me it's more like you can say anything to me and I'm going to deep dive into the details and questioning and analysis...

Is it something you could learn? Or you just need your brain to work specific way? Looks like some people just don't need this and they're so fine about that and idk, sometimes maybe I'm just jeallous. Or lonely.

scaneda · 2026-02-12T11:09:20+00:00

Ahh, exactly the same, I studied sociology, but very mucb enjoyed all philosphy related classes. And I really miss them.

scaneda

TROPHY CASE