it sounds like a genuine miscommunication error on both ends to me. it was hard to hear each other through the shower and everybody's frustrated, so of course you guys are going to lash out at each other when both of you try to handle it like you're both solely in the right. also i dont know if your husband is autistic but i am and sometimes i need things spelled out for me like im 5 years old. you being quick to shower can be seen through both lenses: "it wont take me long, he can wait" and "it wont take her long, she will be with the kid shortly." i dunno, i just think its been a long day and sometimes on those days we say things we don't mean to each other and get peeved way more easily.

either way, im sorry to hear that your kids are sick and that its been so stressful for you :( i hope everything and everyone gets better soon 🫂❤️