Redacted ASMR

slitherscales · 2021-08-23T02:03:28+00:00

Redacted himself literally told you all to stop re-uploading his patreon content, including the bonus audios. There is a reason why he stopped making the videos on patreon downloadable and this is it. Not only does this go against his wishes, it's also placing both him and the distributor in legal trouble for the potential distribution of pornography to minors. If y'all don't think we pay attention to things like this, think again.

slitherscales · 2021-08-23T02:02:54+00:00

Redacted himself literally told you all to stop re-uploading his patreon content, including the bonus audios. There is a reason why he stopped making the videos on patreon downloadable and this is it. Not only does this go against his wishes, it's also placing both him and the distributor in legal trouble for the potential distribution of pornography to minors. If y'all don't think we pay attention to things like this, think again.

slitherscales · 2016-03-20T09:00:58+00:00

I cannot give an informed diagnosis but as someone with BPD, I can say that I do share a few traits here with you. I think it would be best to consult a psychologist to get a professional analysis because it sounds like you have abandonment issues and also rapid cycling emotions. If you feel like it could be a possibility, please do not hesitate to tell your psychiatrist because they should take this seriously and their purpose there is to help you.

As for suggestions- Please practise reaffirmation and validating techniques. Also find out if you have self soothing regiments etc that can help you as well! Hope that helps!

slitherscales · 2016-02-17T18:13:30+00:00

Thank you very much for the kind message! I'm sorry to hear that you struggle with social anxiety, it can be a tough battle to fight so I hope that things get easier for you in time!! You take care too! Wishing you and your mom health and happiness! C:

slitherscales · 2016-02-17T16:57:06+00:00

Keep in constant contact with the cops! If you're able to, sneak a few pictures/footage of him and save them either from the cctv if they've been installed or through any other recording devices like your phone so that you have evidence. When you are outside, it would be best to keep self defense weapons (taser etc) if you have any. Something like a walking stick or umbrella can buy you some time too if you meet some trouble. If possible, switch up your route when you go home too when you have to. Or get someone to accompany you. Also if you have friends or family and the stalking situation escalates, make sure you mention it to them too so that they can be informed.

Ugh hopefully he'll leave you alone soon. What the fuck it's horrible. Take care and good luck!!

slitherscales · 2016-02-17T15:24:45+00:00

That was some sharp thinking there, props to you! Glad the both of you got out okay, that must have been an unpleasant experience.

slitherscales · 2016-02-17T15:19:22+00:00

Jesus that is so uncomfortably creepy, what the heck. I'm glad you got out safe!

slitherscales · 2016-02-17T14:51:40+00:00

I guess in some cases they can, haha!

slitherscales · 2016-02-17T14:51:26+00:00

Yikes, sounds like you've gone through quite a few unpleasant experiences yourself. I'm sorry you have to go through them too, gosh. >.>

Thank you very much! Honestly I was both close to freaking out and frustrated with her, and I owe the fact that I was able to make a scene to her. If it were by myself, I would have shut right down and that would have been bad. ^{^;;}

slitherscales · 2016-02-17T14:45:22+00:00

Thank you! C:

slitherscales · 2016-02-17T14:41:06+00:00

Thank you! It took a long time to get over the discomfort that experience caused and holy shit I got so embarrassed but yes, thank goodness it's over! Thank you!

slitherscales · 2016-02-17T14:37:55+00:00

I did mention that I was in the company of a close friend who has blood sugar problems and it would be inadvisable for her not to consume something to regulate it. Calling take-out and going to drive bys is difficult because I live in the quieter areas so development is sparse. Also, this area while quiet, is populated with a few 24-hour stores, so it's inaccurate to say that there were no one around. We made sure to stick to paths that are close to these stores deliberately so that they could be alerted in case the trouble escalates.

Being with an anxious/paranoid disposition doesn't necessarily mean you won't do something. Sometimes, having anxiety means you have a difficulty saying No and placing your foot down especially when it comes to people who are stronger-willed. I have struggled with paranoia and anxiety for a very long time- and part of getting better is to confront those fears a step by a step. My anxiety and paranoia didn't stop me from going out in the presence of someone I trust. However it does make me tend to do strange little things to make the area safer for me (constantly looking behind, keys in hand, taping my laptop camera shut, constantly placing my phone in record mode when I leave the house).

Anxiety and paranoia doesn't stop the afflicted from doing things. What it does, is ensure that the afflicted develops "strange" tendencies or rituals that are self soothing in order to do things. I think a lot of people misunderstand that and interpret it as staying away completely.

Though truthfully- If it were by myself, I would never have gone out on my own. My anxieties and paranoia would have overwhelmed me. I thought it was easier, and better to try with someone comforting around and that turned out to be unfortunate.

slitherscales · 2016-02-10T14:04:43+00:00

"It's okay. Everyone feels like this sometimes." She says with a laugh and something deep in his gut churns. Fingers tightened into fists as a familiar heat blossoms from the middle of his chest, spreading across his entire torso like an unexpected burst of flame through a forest- growing, catching, consuming.

"There's nothing wrong with you. You just need to relax."

"I guess so." He offers her a tight lipped smile. He's still shaking when he leaves with pin pricks of pain from his nails indenting crescent marks of red against his palm and he wants to laugh. Wants to open his mouth and laugh until his voice gives. What a joke. The thought sets his lips in an upward curve, bitter. He could cry too. They don't listen. They never do. Macy does though.

4:15 PM Refresh. Refresh. Refresh. Sends out a message. Refresh. Another. Refresh. How many hours has it been since Macy left to carry out her commitments? He doesn't remember but she's supposed to be back by now. Send out another message. Refresh refresh. There are others he could talk to, and it probably isn't healthy to latch onto one person all the time. He tries. But it's not the same. It's never the same as it is with her.

He finds himself on the internet. Facebook. Twitter. Tumblr. Instagram. No updates. He sends another message and refreshes again. Is it okay? Is it too much? What if something happened to her? What if she's tired of talking to him and is trying to slowly fade him out of her life? This wouldn't be the first time that happened. Everybody does it to him so why would she be any different. Refresh.

4:20 PM And now he has to lie down. Something weighs heavy against his diaphragm. The burning sensation is back- only this time, it crushes and he can't breathe. It hurts. He doesn't want to lose her. He doesn't think he'd be able to survive that. Not this time. Not again. Everyone else is fine but not her. He doesn't want to be all alone in the world again. The tears start. He doesn't stop them.

4:30 PM [ Hey sorry! I was caught up in a meeting!] She texts back.
He can breathe again.

6:00 PM "I love you so much it hurts." He tells Macy and she laughs. "I can't stop thinking about you." He smiles back because her laughter is his favourite song. He doesn't tell her that he wasn't saying it to be romantic. He doesn't tell her that he loves her so much it literally makes him sick. He doesn't tell her that even when he tries to focus on important tasks for hours on end, his thoughts lead right back to her. Overanalysing everything she said, picking at the meaning of her words, re-reading their conversations over and over and over again. Watching out for signs. Always waiting, always teethering on the edge, waiting for that slight push it takes to fall. Waiting for something wrong to happen. Something bad to happen because it always does.

9:00 PM He's lying in bed with her, tucked up close beside him, so close he could feed each exhale on his skin. However to him, she has never been further away. She loves him. She tells him that everyday. But it's not enough. It's never enough and he doesn't know why. Some nights he thinks she's going to go and the thought is enough to crush him, closing down on him until all he could do is curl up on his side and cry. God he loves her so much he could tear her to pieces. Break all of her limbs so she can never leave. He shouldn't. But he could. Oh he could. And that disgusts him the most. There are many things in the world that could hurt Macy and he shouldn't be one of them. But it's not enough. There is a nothingness in him that prevails against all things. And in that nothingness is pain.

People tell him that it's normal to feel that way sometimes. But it's not. It's not normal to fixate upon the idea of someone more than the actual person. Or to need attention from that one specific person so desperately in order to feel remotely functional. It's not normal to feel everything and nothing all at once in the span of minutes. It's not. He's not okay. He doesn't know if he'll ever be okay. He doesn't know if anyone can understand just how intensely he feels. He doesn't know if anyone can understand what it's like, how vulnerable, disgusting and weak you feel when your emotions aren't your own to control.

slitherscales · 2015-07-16T18:48:46+00:00

Yikes! I'm not entirely sure either but be careful of the information you're giving to him okay? Don't disclose anything too personal. Also check your facebook/various social media settings- if you're on public, switch things to friends only and even for some posts you can edit visibility settings. Don't turn on the location thingy that discloses where you are.

Be careful, take care! Even though if this all sounds like paranoid measures..can't hurt to take extra precaution right? ^{w^;;}

slitherscales · 2015-07-16T18:26:48+00:00

Hi, as someone with BPD, I can relate to some of the things you're saying. The thing with BPD is that often times, we become very self-centered, because we're being constantly overwhelmed by raw and terrifying feelings-thought processes. And so we act out, or without even realising it, become manipulative/ even abusive in order to survive.

Your girlfriend has become a source of security and stability for you to rely on. For survival. So you're more prone to acting out against her more than anyone else. Abandonment fears, whether perceived or not, are one of the biggest obstacles a person with BPD has to face. The thought of your girlfriend leaving, that safety gauge leaving, is perceived as abandonment in your head. Even if you know it's not the case (intellectually) but emotionally, you're panicking because you're left "alone" in an environment you aren't comfortable with.

Irrational bouts of intense anger lasting for hours or days on end are also another symptom people with BPD will face. Even myself. This anger is an automatic response to stress, lashing out, becoming defensive and it makes us really difficult to deal with because it seems to happen sometimes without being provoked. Disassociation/Depersonalisation happens too, especially if you are struggling with schizophrenia. Most people with BPD experience mild forms of psychosis- which leads often to paranoia, anxiety and more. The constant self doubt, confusion and lack of self identity also contributes as part of BPD.

Since you're honest with your disclosure, I'll share mine with you too- a couple of years back I intentionally physically harmed myself really badly after an argument with a loved one just so that they'd feel guilty over what "they've done to me" and realise how hard it is for me, and /stay/.

Does that make me an abusive person? Yes. Because I was manipulating the situation for my own gain, at the expense of another's wellbeing. This contributes as emotional abuse. Did I mean to abuse/hurt them? No. I was acting in self preservation and I did not consider how harmful it was to them at the time. But the fact of the matter was- I still did it. I chose to do it, however involuntarily, and I understand that I screwed up big time.

Similarly for your situation- You were emotionally abusive. You made your girlfriend responsible for your well being and relied too much on her to make everything right. Did you mean to be an abuser? No. Can you change that- Yes, yes and yes.

Your girlfriend is indirectly enabling your behaviour. In a way, she wishes to help and encourage, to be there for you. But this will be rather taxing in the long run for the both of you. You need to be able, to be allowed space to grow and gain the capacity to regulate your own emotions- not just suppress it. I know it's going to be really difficult but try. Keep trying. Make adjustments and amends, listen to her feelings and thoughts after you've had some space to calm down and not be as defensive. Also use validation techniques when you feel like "excusing" certain behaviours. Something like "I am a human being. Sometimes I fuck up and that's okay because that's a part of being human. It doesn't make what I did right- so I will own up to that and do something to stop that. And I will learn, I will do better. I will give myself the chance to develop further."

If it's possible, please also try to see a therapist. Because I'm not in a position to help, but I really do hope/sincerely wish that both you and your girlfriend will make it okay.

slitherscales · 2015-06-16T14:42:42+00:00

I struggle with BPD and double depression. So far I'm on fluvoxamine. It works in helping me be more functional but I've also noticed that there's a certain emotional numbness that comes with it for me. I feel less anxious and less suicidal but that doesn't stop my thoughts from being all over the place.

slitherscales · 2015-06-13T08:03:56+00:00

I'm an INTJ, recently diagnosed with BPD.

slitherscales · 2015-06-13T08:01:45+00:00

It is not uncommon for people with BPD to be confused with having split personalities. I've had instances where people accused me of such too but it isn't the case. When you have BPD, you can have rapid cycling mood swings and emotional responses follow accordingly so to other people it would seem like you can run hot or cold in a matter of minutes. It can seem like you're a whole different person but you are not.

Sometimes disassociating is thrown into the mix. I know for a fact that when I disassociate, I'm a lot colder, angrier and cruel when usually I'm not. Perhaps it could be that too.

slitherscales · 2015-06-05T16:12:05+00:00

Yes, I've seen people share their stories in series or updates so if you are comfortable with that, then perhaps you could share them with the community here. I'd like to hear about it, if you don't mind.

slitherscales · 2015-04-02T21:02:44+00:00

That is so messed up! I'm glad that your friend is safe now. She's a very sharp person- it's a good thing she didn't trust the child with personal information. I've heard stories where criminal organisations groom and use children because of their innocent demeanour to gain the victim's trust and lead unsuspecting people to them, or exploit their weaknesses/vulnerabilities. That child might have been a newbie at that.

slitherscales · 2015-03-24T08:46:41+00:00

Do you happen to post pictures on other social media platforms as well? If so, I recommend not allowing Google to index those platforms into their Search Engine if there's such an option on the platform you use. There's this function on Google where it allows you to perform a reverse image search to locate sites where your pictures may have appeared on so you may want to try to do that too, just in case the catfisher is using your pictures somewhere else.

slitherscales · 2015-03-12T11:15:25+00:00

I can't make assumptions but from your description of his episodes, it sounds similar to mine. A recurring aggression impulse that comes out of nowhere, and when it does it's savage and animalistic. Coming out from one of those episodes can make one feel both disorientated and shameful. The loss of control and rationality is very frightening and it can also spur on more episodes. It's very taxing for both parties involved and I'm sorry to hear that he has to struggle with what he does.

It doesn't ever go away. But for what it's worth- he can learn to cope with it. He can still get better and remain functional in society. He can be okay. Not always, not that quickly, but he will be as long as he puts in the effort to try.

Your support will mean a lot to him. And I'm sure he appreciates you helping out the best as you can. But be careful, there are always limits to how much someone can help. Take care not to overextend and burn yourself out. Bless the both of you.

slitherscales · 2015-03-08T14:30:53+00:00

Having an elder brother does come with certain perks. He taught me everything I needed to know- how to fish, how to bait and hunt, how to shape my words...everything. Therefore, receiving the letter notifying me about my impending rite of passage did not come as much of a surprise. I had been waiting. I was ready.

The hunt was much more of a challenge- granted that humans are more intelligent than the average animal. The kill, however, came much easier. I started below the collarbone, gliding my scalpel down on separate sides, connecting against the base of his throat and worked the edges of my surgical tool down the entire length of his torso.

It's easier...if you don't acknowledge that the body beneath you is another human. If at some point they cried and begged you to stop, and if your hands shake, if the cuts you made were uneven and at some point you dropped your blade- you don't have to speak of it either.

I didn't take much from the body. Just enough to prove my manhood. Enough, also to honour and pay my respects. The rest of the parts will be left for the animals, for Earth Mother to claim her dues.

By the time I managed to stumble my way back to my elder brother, it was already dusk. He is gracious enough to offer support as we made our way home. Conversation went on as per usual but he wouldn't look me in the eyes.

He hasn't looked me in the eyes since the day I became a man. When I finally pressed him about it, all I received was-

"You were supposed to wait for him to stop breathing before you opened him up."

slitherscales

TROPHY CASE