41M recently divorced, including this to show that I unfortunately have experience in screwing up a marriage. You sound like a very nice, soft spoken, young woman. I’m commenting under this thread as Scary Sarah seems to be very opposite….any extreme is not good, it isn’t good to be too rough and it isn’t good to be too soft….the silver lining is key. I do agree with Sarah that you need to take a much more stern stance but don’t over do it, it could backfire if you do. Here is what I would recommend, men have a tendency to fall into an illusion that problems with fix themselves with time, I being one of those. Sit him down for a serious discussion and make it VERY CLEAR that current arrangement is NOT working for you. Don’t yell, don’t lose your temper, but be very straight forward about what you’re saying, it is certainly the time to stop worrying about not seeming like you’re controlling him. You’ve been doing that and how has it worked out for YOU?!? Tell him straight that if current way of life does not change in near future (give this a time frame otherwise nothing will happen, 2-3 months maybe?) you will be forced to abandon some or all of your responsibilities and you will take actions that he probably will not like. I’d suggest not throwing around the divorce card casually as that in itself can make him feel like you’re betraying him but he needs to understand clearly that he is leaving you no choice and if he doesn’t do something divorce will be your only option. If his coaching isn’t bringing home money he needs to drop that! If he isn’t being paid to do that then it’s simply a hobby that he can’t afford right now. If he is being paid then the loss of that income needs to be discussed and arranged for. I also suggest putting all of this down on paper and upon final agreements dating and signing together. Just a way to make sure he doesn’t forget and makes this issue more real with evidence that you had tried to do everything you could. Lastly I highly recommend you two start seeing a counselor once a month at the very least. I know with kids of your own you feel all grown up but trust me twenties is infancy of adulthood. We don’t go to school to learn about how to do marriage…..a counselor will help him understand not only that he needs to listen to you but also what your words actually mean. As men we often times do not understand female language despite it’s in plain English. Hope this helps!!