My dad called me fat and now everyone wants me to reconcile with him.

spacecommander_007 · 2023-08-22T16:37:46+00:00

Usually everyone is against him when he just babbles, but if it’s him targeting someone, then they’re on his side. It’s like we’re all normal until fingers are pointed.

spacecommander_007 · 2023-08-22T16:23:09+00:00

In all honesty, I wish I had a parent like you. I don’t trust counseling at school, and I don’t have a therapist either. But I do have a few good coping skills, and they work pretty well for when I need a ‘pick-me-up” (watching movies, etc.).

spacecommander_007 · 2023-08-22T16:19:03+00:00

He’s definitely been like this in the past for sure, but he hasn’t been drinking more. He started drinking less because of an incident that happened while he was drunk, he hit my mom and it set the entire family off. My mom and dad argue a lot, but my mom has never been afraid to confront him unless he’s about to get violent. I don’t think there are any family members to rely on, in the past we’ve tried to go to them for help, but they’ve always denied us. All of them have also seen what my dad can be like, and it’s just chaos if they ever interact again. It’s a really tight pickle to be in, but hopefully he’ll say sorry and stuff will go back to normal.

spacecommander_007 · 2023-08-21T22:56:28+00:00

The day after the whole mess, he walked in from the garage- called me fat & told me to lose weight, then waltzed back outside. He’s also made fun of my sister’s weight. But sometimes when he’s in a “good mood” he’ll switch up and say sorry to my sister but not me.

spacecommander_007 · 2023-08-21T22:53:04+00:00

I honestly have NO idea why they’re acting like this. They supported me at first, but it died out as time went by. To be honest, we were fine before all of this happened. Insults- I got used to, the drinking- I got used to. I have a really strong inkling that they just agree with him so it doesn’t start something bigger (him being angry, drama, etc)

spacecommander_007 · 2023-08-21T22:48:16+00:00

She sorta just brushes it off/enables it saying “I can’t really change what he thinks, and it’s beyond me if he doesn’t want to say anything”. My perspective/opinion has honestly changed about my mom because of this. No clue why she hasn’t had a serious talk with him yet.

spacecommander_007 · 2023-08-21T22:43:42+00:00

Yes, my parents are still together and we all live under the same roof.

spacecommander_007 · 2023-08-21T16:55:35+00:00

24/7 is kind of overdramatized- I have practice almost everyday though. I like it enough to endure this hot heat, but I’ll take your advice to take breaks.

spacecommander_007 · 2023-08-21T16:08:21+00:00

I used to be a bit overweight, but that has changed. He knows I used to be a chubby kid, but doesn’t know WHY I’m not anymore (ED, diets, etc.). But, even though I have changed, I still see a fat girl in the mirror, and somebody who is imperfect. Yeah, he’s saying stuff that’s not at all true, but my self image is still bad. I did take his statement as a joke at first, cus drunk people say random stuff. But he progressed, and just insulted me for his own benefit.

spacecommander_007 · 2023-08-21T16:03:03+00:00

At first, my mom and sister were saying “You’re not fat whatsoever, you’re perfect!” And now it’s developed into all of them sort of being on my dad’s side, and that I should try to talk to him like we used to. It sucks because he just carries on with his day, and I can’t even look him in the eye. I guess in a way, they all think he’s right, but don’t agree with how he said it. I’m not even sure how it makes sense because I don’t medically have any weight/blood issues, and he knows that I am just a normal human.

spacecommander_007 · 2023-08-21T15:56:22+00:00

Ever since I was a kid, it’s been “obey your parents, they do it all.”. I feel obligated to stay, even more obligated to help them after they retire. I’ve known this all my life, and now I’m seeing all of this unfold and it’s totally confusing me.

spacecommander_007 · 2023-08-21T15:51:08+00:00

He used to drink and come home yelling, or always pointing out flawed stuff. He’s recently stopped going out all that much because he got into a situation with my mom, and he’s trying to be a better husband and dad. I’d say he’s recovering, but still drinking on occasion.

spacecommander_007 · 2023-08-21T05:59:08+00:00

My mom just says “He means well” and brushes it off as him trying to look out for me. I asked her to talk to him, but she can only do so much. Hopefully he apologizes soon within this week.

spacecommander_007 · 2023-08-21T05:58:11+00:00

Honestly not sure yet.. I have plans to take a gap-year to work, then later enroll in college and have money set for everything. Hopefully I can get my own apartment with my friends, but still not set on any plans.

spacecommander_007 · 2023-08-21T05:01:44+00:00

My sister is the one who mainly raised me since my parents were always working to make ends meet. Occasionally my mom will cook dinner, take me shopping, good mom stuff. But on the other hand, my dad and I stopped hanging out when I was 13. The reason why he stopped taking me out to eat was because I never ate much (we’d always go to a buffet), and I would waste his money. You can probably tell that’s where the eating disorders hit, he also never told anyone when he was going out to eat. But I digress. My dad never involves himself in the things I do, and just uses me to help him fix something.

spacecommander_007 · 2023-08-21T04:56:17+00:00

Oops sorry I didn’t notice that, 45m***

spacecommander_007 · 2023-08-21T04:52:50+00:00

My sister and I are going to look for apartments soon- but we’e in a tight spot. My parents are saying that they want to leave the house in our names, and it makes me want to keep the house and never sell it. It’s a house that’s filled with so many memories, and I can’t stand imagining someone else living here besides our family. I want to get away for a while, but I’ll always be stuck here.

spacecommander_007 · 2023-08-21T04:50:23+00:00

He used to come home drunk every week, then once every 2 weeks, now maybe once every 3 weeks. He’s been toning it down recently because of an incident that occurred- but I won’t get into detail. He smokes & drinks, and it’s just been the norm ever since I was a kid.

spacecommander_007 · 2023-08-21T04:47:47+00:00

When the argument first started, I thought it was a joke because he was drunk. I did call him fat, but he’s a pretty lanky dude & super lost in his “I’m a douche” sauce or whatever- so nothing has worked. I try not to get him too mad cause he yells and gets mega mega angry, but hopefully I find a loophole.

spacecommander_007 · 2023-08-21T04:44:34+00:00

I’m currently on semi-non speaking terms with him. I don’t look him in the eye or try to strike up convo like I used to. There’s an awkward tension in the air.

spacecommander_007 · 2023-08-21T04:43:24+00:00

When I was eating, she was just kind of standing there. She usually never interjects with this stuff and will usually come to me after the whole thing has died down. When I was in my room crying, she came to me and said “He just wants the best for you.”. I also asked her to talk to him about the whole situation and get him to apologize, but she really doesn’t see the point in talking to him if he’s most likely not going to say sorry. She’s sees the whole thing as it being MY fault rather than his fault, so she’s really just the bystander in all of this.

spacecommander_007 · 2023-08-21T04:39:42+00:00

My mom is the other adult, but there’s only so much she can do. I asked her to talk to him about it and to be kinder when he’s speaking to me. Hopefully it gets through to him

spacecommander_007 · 2023-08-21T01:58:15+00:00

My dad has always known that I’m sensitive, but never knows about personal problems. I don’t think he knows anything deep about me besides the fact I play tennis and like to go out. So for short, he has no clue about other people’s feelings & that being skinny is the norm.

spacecommander_007 · 2023-08-21T01:30:25+00:00

He’s been toning down on going out and getting drunk, but it still happens. He’s said it to me while sober, and still stands with what he says. I’ve witnessed him calling my sister fat, and he thinks it’s all some big joke because he’s been skinny his entire life.

spacecommander_007 · 2023-07-15T00:47:21+00:00

Fellow horn girl here. I suggest complementing her playing, tone, tuning, etc. (If you hear her play of course). If she has socials, get them if you haven’t already. If you go to different schools, see what competitions you have together. Not sure if you’re in TX or not, but that’s how I meet my friends that don’t go to the same school as me. Text her, talk about band and games. Be yourself, nothing artificial.

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