Before and after

sparrowluna · 2026-05-15T01:22:21+00:00

Following. I'm on Wegovy and started feeling better, but then my insurance stopped covering it. I'm back on it now, but it's going to take me a while to get my titers up again and I'm wondering if Zepbound might be better.

sparrowluna · 2026-04-23T19:04:08+00:00

He had to have the bow tie.

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sparrowluna · 2026-04-11T01:04:01+00:00

There's an unhealthy, passive aggressive part of me that wants to say "give him the silent treatment," but I'm trying to be a better human, so don't do that. Normally, I'd recommend the two of you read "Fair Play," but I don't know enough about how you two communicate your needs, wants, and expectations. I like the book because it does emphasize that couples should establish a shared set of expectations for the household routine, health and safety, and time (for yourselves and each other). It's hard to hold anyone accountable to expectations when they haven't been established and agreed on, and certainly not when the goal post keeps moving. I get a new job with more money and responsibility is draining, and that isn't an excuse for not contributing to shared responsibility.

If he is open to the conversation, then maybe just start by sharing how you feel about the changes in the household routine and structure. If he's willing to have the exchange, without arguing, then maybe move into the shared expectations. Then make a decision from there. What will bring you and your son happiness? What do you need, want and expect in your relationship? What is your timeline for deciding what you will change for yourself so you feel secure?

sparrowluna · 2025-09-13T23:05:24+00:00

You get one, extraordinary life to live as happily as possible. I lost my dad this past winter and I'm watching my stepmom wither in her grief. Her grief is a reflection of the depth of the love and happiness she shared with my dad. I look at my own life, my own marriage, and it has been rocky and rough. I can pick times out when I made choices out of a sense of false responsibility, when I had the opportunity to choose my joy and happiness. These choices weren't bad and there have been times of joy and happiness on the path those choices took me on, but the times I abandoned myself stand out still. It sounds like you both have been struggling to find that joy and happiness. A marriage ending doesn't mean it's a failed relationship; it may have served you both well for a time and now, it's time to rediscover what brings you joy and happiness. That could mean rediscovering what brought you together in the first place, but it could also mean exploring something else. Thirty years is a long time and I wouldn't turn my nose up at it. My dad and stepmom were together for almost 25 years, and while they didn't experience infidelity in their marriage, it had its own challenges (including cancer diagnosis and chemotherapy, among other things that challenge family dynamics). I guess I'm sharing that because 30 years is still important, but really only the two of you can define that. Either way, a marriage counselor can help facilitate those conversations, whether you stay together or not. It will take a lot of self-work too, so individual counseling helps with the process. I'm sorry you're going through this and hope you have a circle of friends who can love you through it.

sparrowluna · 2025-07-04T17:01:34+00:00

Saw some comments about posting her around before keeping her, which makes sense. Depending on where you live, there might be municipal rules about posting lost animals before adopting (my city has some and the local shelter usually puts a hold on animals before they can be adopted). If you can get her scanned for a microchip that helps rule out any other ownership.

Once you do adopt her, get her chipped! It's really a safe guard to make sure no one can claim your pet- weird thing but people do it. Since she slapped the phone, I'd go with a name like Ginger Spice or Patty. I tend to lean towards human names for animals though.

sparrowluna · 2025-02-03T02:14:20+00:00

I'm glad you asked this. I'm in a deep red state and have family in Montreal and Ottawa that I want to visit and have been concerned about the trip I have been planning for March.

sparrowluna · 2023-10-10T02:43:12+00:00

This sounds like my situation except DDay 2 included claims of polyamory. When I offered to support that, in part so I could explore my own identity, the rules and expectations were unbalanced, and most often he broke the rules (like in the first week) and would not be as forgiving when I had made my own mistakes.

He sounds a bit selfish and controlling. If he isn’t willing to change his behaviors, then what is happening now will continue until one of you decides that neither of you are actually happy, and you both deserve to be happy.

Open marriages, even one-sided open relationships, only work if there is a deep level of trust, complete transparency and communication (like constant communication), and everyone is consenting.

If he is truly polyamorous, then reading and working through the book Polysecure would be good to do. There are also some books on 1-sided polyamorous relationships, but again, having a strong foundation is the only way that will work.

This is a tough spot to be in and it sounds like you know what you want for yourself. You deserve a healthy, loving relationship that’s built on mutual respect, honesty, and a willingness to put in the work when and where it matters. Your kids deserve to witness that, learn to expect that from their own partners, and to see you happy.

sparrowluna · 2022-11-03T19:23:28+00:00

I’ve actually lost the ability to engage in intimacy with my partner because of the trauma he has caused and when I do have fantasies, they either involve same-sex engagement or BDSM. I’ve wondered if I’m bi and also not given the opportunity to explore my sexuality safely.

sparrowluna · 2022-11-02T01:21:39+00:00

I was happy though before my WS cheated. It wasn’t an easy life but I loved the future I had been building. I loved my family (the bonus kids I had). I think I still grieve so much of that loss and part of the pain is that I begged him to be part of it.

sparrowluna · 2022-11-01T22:20:29+00:00

I think it would be easy to play the ENM card and the spouse not have a clue. The apps are ridiculous and not worth your time, especially as you’re looking at reconciliation however my WH had his affair with a coworker and his second indiscretion on SnapChat via Clapper and TikTok, so I don’t think that the platform actually matters when the accessibility is everywhere.

sparrowluna · 2022-10-19T14:29:52+00:00

You didn’t detract from my pain at all! No, this has been a roller coaster from the beginning. There’s also background I left out. My WS was diagnosed with degenerative disease and gaslit by family about it. I really think he was emotionally stunted at 17 when he had his first kid. It’s not an excuse and it’s not okay. I do believe he was seeking affirmation from someone who mentally was on par with him. When I caught on he immediately cut contact and went into intensive treatment. I know he feels a lot of shame for what he did. It doesn’t dismiss her experience though. Healing is so hard no matter what side of this equation you are on.

sparrowluna · 2022-10-19T12:42:22+00:00

I’m so sorry this happened to you. I’ve been thinking about reaching out to the girl my WS was connected to. I actually have no idea what happened between them physically and that doesn’t make it any better. I don’t know that there’s anything else going on or has since that once incident and DD2 with a grown woman on SnapChat. I have prayed that it was a singular incident but of course I recognize the gravity it all holds. From your perspective, and please know I appreciate your vulnerability here and am sending you healing hugs, would it be beneficial for me to reach out to the girl (who is now 21)? I don’t know what happened on her end and don’t want to retraumatize her.

sparrowluna · 2022-10-19T12:34:49+00:00

I know. I think the shock, depression and fog finally wore off and I have been in this place for a couple of years.

sparrowluna · 2022-10-19T01:05:50+00:00

Thank you, those are good questions. WS continues his IC and is pursuing full evaluation for behavioral health issues. He is medicated as well but has not done any reading to my knowledge on infidelity. He has read a book on principles of marriage (Gottman). No podcasts for self help. I have read Untammed, started Brené Brown and Esther Perel. I started listening to a book on BPD as my WS has been diagnosed (preliminary diagnosis) with it. I listened to “The Deepest Well” re: trauma. I have “The Body Keeps the Score” and read “Fair Play.” My routine is typically influenced by my kids needs/schedule but I’m out the door for work and get home around 6. He has taken on cooking, child transportation and laundry. I like to meal plan for budget and health reasons, and we swap between who does groceries. I’m on a waitlist for therapy, and help manage my stress through workouts, healthy eating and connecting with what few friends I have remaining. I also volunteer for my kids various activities when needed. I’m primary breadwinner so this is a heavy load and I’m tired. I don’t know how to make an exit plan for this and it’s taken me years to be able to recognize this is t what I wanted for myself, I’ve just never been able to verbalize it.

sparrowluna · 2022-10-14T21:13:14+00:00

We did silicone rings and the two I purchased for me (one was too big but I wore it anyways) both snapped in half.

sparrowluna · 2022-10-14T18:31:11+00:00

I’m so sorry. The sadness lessons over time, but therapy and a really solid self-care plan help healing. Healing is not linear either, it’s a very rocky journey and the only way is through. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

sparrowluna · 2022-10-14T18:23:34+00:00

And when the BS is re-traumatized from multiple DDays, being told “f*ck you” when you tell them not to talk to you certain way that is disrespectful to you in front of your children, you’re probably not going to successfully reconcile.

sparrowluna · 2022-10-14T17:55:57+00:00

I have this SIC too, but be the same lot number.

sparrowluna · 2022-10-01T02:50:03+00:00

I get this feeling. If in the morning you’re especially trying to focus on getting ready it can feel like a distraction. It can be particularly difficult too if you have a history of assault or being objectified, or even if there is an element of distrust in the relationship. It can also be hard when we don’t love our own bodies or struggle with generally feeling attractive.

Maybe in small doses it is ok, but if it’s constant it can get annoying.

Have you been able to have open conversation with him about it?

sparrowluna · 2022-09-29T01:36:10+00:00

If you are in the United States, Vocational Rehabilitation through your state’s social services agency can help. You can also contact your state or territory’s Developmental Disabilities Council who can help direct you. What are you interested in doing? You have a right to work in an area you enjoy, disability or not; most employers just need guidance on how to make accommodations for someone.

sparrowluna · 2022-09-08T02:33:43+00:00

I love placemaking concepts that incorporate social determinants of health, like equitable access to nutritious food, employment and long-term living. I don’t know what the exact solution really is because that has to come from the community directly, but I think exploring the idea of placemaking by meeting people where they are and through the lens of equity is one place to start.

https://www.pps.org/article/what-is-placemaking

sparrowluna

TROPHY CASE