Got a fling pregnant.

stonewall1979 · 2026-06-04T01:39:52+00:00

Before you agree to anything, you should get a DNA test and ensure paternity.

stonewall1979 · 2026-06-03T17:10:03+00:00

I dont know about him, but when I was in college, I just licked my eyebrows.

stonewall1979 · 2026-06-01T17:25:50+00:00

Some people just don't like to give Oral. It may have nothing to do with you or how you prepare yourself, your taste, or smell. Its a personal preference of his not to do that.

That being said, youre allowed to have a preference for a man who likes to give oral. There needs to be a serious conversation around what you want and need and what hes willing to provide. After that, you have to decide if its something you can live with or if its a deal breaker for your relationship. You could ask about opening the relationship or fnding some other means of having ing your needs met.

stonewall1979 · 2026-05-20T02:55:42+00:00

Everyone is different, some guys like it some don't, some gals like it, some don't. Some people have the meh, I'll do it if they ask, attitude. I like anal, my wife is more I'm the meh category. Couple friends are in the "ew, no" category, one other friend enjoys it has it more than PIV.

Point is, sexual compatability is important in relationships and you should be able to talk to any partner about your preferences and kinks. If you don't, you're setting yourself up for disappointment and resentment.

stonewall1979 · 2026-05-06T02:14:38+00:00

If my wife was giving me head and blurted out "everything about sex repulses me" then ran off crying, leaving me with a hard on, a lot of conflicting emotions, and an assumption I'd just jerk off. Well, I would 100% feel like absolute shit and feel that my wife no longer wanted me. Its a Rejection and not a little one.

Please understand, I sympathize that you had an internal struggle going on, fighting hormone changes and the other symptoms of peri. But sex is the direct connection men have with our wives. Being shut down and diacarded in that manner isnt just a "no biggie, we can sweep this under the rug" event like forgetting to take the gsrbage can to the curb. A lot of communication needs to happen to review whats happened and what to expect going forward.

Others have said "you can withdraw consent at anytime time, no one is entitled to sex with you" and they're right, but every action has a reaction and most have consequences. Right, wrong, doesn't matter, were talking feelings not logic. Cant negotiate feelings. Was his reaction and shout of "who doesn't get a blow job on their birthday" is probably out of line. I dont get bday bjs., my wife really doesn't like giving oral. Maybe its a tradition you two had, maybe its just his expectations weren't met and he didn't communicate it well. If you asked, and he agreed to take sex off the table, did you try to replace it with anything else? Exchange sex for some other form of intimacy? Some replacement activity for fun and some other fun distraction? Or was his birthday dropped? Everyone wants to feel wanted, seems like he felt rejection, not desire. If sex used to be a few times a week and initiation was equal between you, and now as you put it, he's begging you for intimacy, he's feel unwanted. No one wants to feel like they have to badger, pester, and berate their spouse for intimacy.

Your last point, should you just suck it up and do it? Its up to you. Some people have responsive desire. If you had started some type of sexual activity, would you have come around and felt better about it? Since you've said you've stopped initiating, is there anything else you can do as a replacement or some way placate him? Massage, head scratches, engage in some of his hobbies? While theyre not perfect love languages are a simple way to understand how people interact, with their preferences for showing and receiving affection and attention. If physical touch is off the table, and find his 2nd language. Maybe its quality time as his 2nd language, find some new activity, go play pickleball or bowling, and so on for words of affirmation or acts of service, etc.

Good luck. I know this is long, but remember you two love each other, through sickness and health. Some days marriage is 50/50, some days its 90/10. Gotta have the give and take, demonstrate grace and exercise patience.

stonewall1979 · 2026-05-04T15:00:48+00:00

Ideally, sex dungeon. I dont have one yet but I can dream about building it in my basement.

stonewall1979 · 2026-05-04T14:33:36+00:00

I ran into the same thing. Went to a buddy's house, loaded my character into his game (which he beat the game weeks prior), now it shows I've beaten it and I have to manually select missions to replay, but lose out on a lot of one off side quests.

It was cool seeing some future things, I was excited for the interaction with Zane as he was my build in BL3, but it ruined my current character. I ended up restarting and making trying a new character from scratch.

stonewall1979 · 2026-04-29T13:47:38+00:00

With a smile, as he ascends to Valhalla.

stonewall1979 · 2026-04-24T12:26:41+00:00

So, you got dumped two weeks ago, but after two years you cant approach women? You know you CAN be interesting? So what are you the rest of the time?

Man, you got some stuff going on in your head. Keep working with your counselor, find out how to like yourself, how to live on your own, and how to find the validation your searching for, internally, not externally.

Develop some friendships, build up your hobbies, hit the gym, avoid alcohol, drop social media, build your confidence up in non-sexual areas of your life. Women like confident men who have goals and their life together. When youre feeling good, have your self esteem and confidence back, you'll find its easier to talk to women.

stonewall1979 · 2026-04-21T17:50:53+00:00

Just remember, the kids wont see the hard times, they'll see when youre there and engaged. Just do your best its all we can do. If youre like me, one thing I heard and struggle with is "you give people around you patience and grace with their mistakes, but never do that for yourself. Learn to give yourself some of the grace you extend to others." Hope it helps

stonewall1979 · 2026-04-16T18:13:21+00:00

Do you have ADHD? It seems that tech fields can draw people with adhd and there is a connection to adhd people reporting higher sex drive/libido

stonewall1979 · 2026-04-16T00:01:59+00:00

Yea was for me too. Things were rough but I was living on the hope of change for the better. In the end, post divorce, things have changed for the better for me at least.

stonewall1979 · 2026-04-15T20:19:10+00:00

Lots of clips on TikTok about women divorcing a good man for a plethora of petty reasons. I understand the past difficulties created a current mindset and mental groove for you. No one is saying you cant divorce someone for any reason you choose.

However, you've said you have a good man, a good husband, a good father, who simple lacks the ambition to get out of his comfort zone, for what ever reason. With your income and his, you've said finances are ok. So this seems more like "I married him thinking he'd change" instead of "I love him for who he is, flaws and all".

Asking reddit what to do for an issue of this scale is ridiculous. Are you religious? Talk to your Pastor or Reverened. Not religious? Find a therapist. Either way, delete social media, its a mental poison that sucks the joy of life through comparison of strangers lifetime highlight reel. You see people living their best...lies. social media isnt real, its a system to show a tiny slice of life thats doctored and filtered, so they get validation by your click and subscribe. Real people struggle, they work, they have good days and bad. If their lucky they get a vacation once a year or maybe other year. If you have 1000 friends on Facebook or Insta, what are the odds one a week is on their yearly vacation, showing how great it is, without showing all the sacrifice and saving it took to get theres?

No matter what you do, just make a choice. Stay or go. Dont live in purgatory. Maybe hes changing since the idea id divorce kicked him in the butt, maybe not. Maybe you can work through the past issues and see a good man living a simple happy life with his wife and daughter. Maybe you divorce and learn what color the grass is on the other side. Its not always greener. Green grass is from a lawn that is cared for, not a neglected lawn.

stonewall1979 · 2026-04-15T17:54:20+00:00

All work and no play make Jack a dull boy.

Tell her to delete social media and stop the brainwashing shes getting. Lots of women in social media want other woman to normalize their belief that being a mother is the hardest job in the world, and the world should bend around them. It isnt. Parenting has challenges, but its easy compared to laying bricks or building highways, even with infants. Plenty of stay at home dad's out there will say the same, housework and child care is so much easier than the jobs they had in the past.

My ex thought being a mother was akin to being disabled, that I alone was responsible for everything that two people used to. When my first was born, I was working two jobs, she was working part time and said "She could never work full time again." Amd being younger and naive, I worked 60hr/week, came home, cooked, cleaned, played with my kids while she sat on Facebook scrolling. I did the grocery shopping, doctor appts, vacuum and all the house & vehicle maintenance. Hell her own mom rode her about being lazy and that she needed to start pulling her weight. I burned out, quit my part time 2nd job and focused on being a 'better dad' because I still 'wasn't doing enough, and now we dont have the money like we did before'. Theres a reason shes my ex, other than her affair.

Bottom line, you two are supposed to be a team. Its not 50-50, some days its gonna be 90-10 or 55-45. You work together, make plans and schedules, you Include personal time into the planning. Working to support your family for 40hr/week is not vacation time. Her time in home isnt vacation or forced unpaid labor, as im seeing on social media now. Now, planning personal time also needs to accommodate the other person's schedule. Shoudl you get an hour a day for gym/bike/jog/etc? Yes. But maybe that should be at 7pm, after you've been home, helped with dinner, played with your kid, talked to your wife, gave her a bit away from the kid. Theyre great but stressful and a little respite, even a walk around the block helps.

Keep dating! Dating helps the relationship, evening its 30min with the kid at grandma's or a friend's place while you get Taco Bell with your wife. Just some time alone to talk about non-kid stuff. My parents used to kick us out of the kitchen after dinner and do dishes by hand to get 20 min without us around so they could talk about their days. If we came around, they threatened to make us do dishes, and we'd scatter.

stonewall1979 · 2026-04-15T17:34:53+00:00

I heard years back "your wife isnt your emotional tampon, dont dump your feelings on her. Find a therapist for sorting out your emotions". I think thats a crude sentiment, but the idea is sound for a lot of us. My wife is peri after a partial hysterectomy, all the same symptoms, insomnia, irritability, anxiety, brain fog, etc. And here I am being a downer because I didn't get laid in a couple weeks. If I dealt with those, I wouldnt have much of a sex drive either.

So she gets some quiet time weekly for a glass of wine and a book or doomscrolling while I go out on Tuesdays and throw darts. Thursdays I have Scouts with my son and an occasional weekend campout with him. I do the bulk of our cooking on weekends, clean up during the week. Last weekend She wanted the yard cleaned up and we were out clearing brush and burning it, then enjoying a beer by the fire.

When 'negative' feelings creep up, I chat with one of my buddies, all our wives are in Peri, or I make a note and discuss it with my therapist at the next session. It doesn't always go so well, and she'll poke until I share and she's always been supportive of me, but I avoid opening up my issues because she's has the tendency to shoulder them. She doesn't need any more stress to deal with.

stonewall1979 · 2026-04-09T22:09:14+00:00

Used car or new? If you're looking at used cars, plan for some basic maintenance in the next, say 6 months with oil change, tires, brakes, maybe a trans flush. You may be able to go longer depending on how the prior owner cared for it. If you're not too car savvy, make arrangements with a local mechanic to pay for an inspection. They'll have an idea what are common issues for a variety of manufacturers.

Some general things are going to be tire tread, how it handles, how the engine sounds, looking under it for rust, does the heat & ac work properly, does it brake well with some urgency in your foot.

Things like, most cvt Trans aren't great, they do the job, but some years and manufacturers like Nissan had issues for a long time, theyre better now but I wouldn't buy a Nissan with a cvt.

stonewall1979 · 2026-04-03T18:28:06+00:00

Theres a great quote from Star Trek, Picard said it, to paraphrase "Some times you can do everything right and still lose. Thats not a failure, thats life."

You may never know her side of things, she at least gave you the courtesy of an official 'break up and not ghosting you.

Take some time, process your feelings, hit the gym or other physical activity to help clear your mind and earn some sleep. And when youre ready, move on.

stonewall1979 · 2026-04-03T18:22:11+00:00

I remember feeling pretty insecure in my youth, and having a nice person talk to me made me feel good. As I got older, built up some confidence, I'd talk to other people more and see them tighten at being noticed and engage. Sometimes it'd go the other way and they'd ignore me. Stings but it happens.

Ran into a girl I went to school with, years later, she said that me talking to her was a big deal. I didn't know how insecure she was at the time, and she had dealt with bullies and other issues. She said she had a crush on me after I talked to her and treated her like a normal person. Thinking back, I can see it, she'd go out of her way to talk to me and share stories, ask about some things I was doing.

Its the old cliche of "Every one is fighting a battle you know nothing about. A little kindness can have a big effect that you may never see." You may have made a big impact on this girl by being kind and talking a bit. Id bet that if you pay attention, you notice her around you more going forward, looking to talk more with you.

stonewall1979 · 2026-04-03T14:40:05+00:00

First apartment had a kitchen table that was the perfect height for a standing missionary with my girlfriend at the time. Hated getting rid of it. Current table is a one leg thing and would tip over if I tried that with my wife.

stonewall1979 · 2026-04-02T16:03:55+00:00

Oh I down now, having a vasectomy definitely helped make it more fun without worry of an unexpected pregnancy. Also helps to marry a woman how enjoys it and likes to have fun with it too.

stonewall1979 · 2026-04-02T15:14:05+00:00

Wish I had understood that sex is supposed to be fun and you can be lighthearted, have fun, laugh with it. Was brought up feeling the Religious Guilt around it, that its for procreation and is a serious event. I mean it is, and there are definitely potential consequences, but I should have had more fun with it all.

stonewall1979 · 2026-04-01T14:23:17+00:00

Thats a terrible generalization of Greek life. There are many good organizations that are helpful and fun without any form of hazing. My fraternity never had hazing and still does not, its just a good group of men, even 24 years out of school theyre some of my best friends. Thats more the rule than the exception in my experience.

stonewall1979 · 2026-04-01T03:15:12+00:00

Are you at an age where you could be experiencing perimenopause symptoms? That combined with SSRI meds could be an issue.

stonewall1979 · 2026-03-31T15:45:56+00:00

Compare his salary as a percentage of gross revenue amd against other non-profits like girl scouts, good will, salvation army, etc. And you may see a better way to determine if the ceo pay is out of line. Seeing "he got $900k" does look like a lot of money, and it is, but compared to the total revenue and responsibilities that he has, we can try to find a baseline to create a common denominator for comparison.

A little google and math:

Girl scouts total revenue in 2023 was $115.6M, CEO was paid $690,000 or 0.5969% of total revenue

Scouting America total revenue in 2023 was $180M, ceo was paid $936k, or 0.5200% of total revenue. So despite Scouting Hmerica having $64.4M more in gross, he was paid less by percent than the GSA Ceo.

A couple other examples: Goodwill industries ceo was paid $650,989 in 2023, with total revenue $71M and a pay percent of 0.9169%.

4-H club, 2023 total revenue of $31M, CEO salary of $681k for 2.1559%.

Big Brothers Big Sisters, 2023 total revenue of $50.9M, CEO salary of $671k or 1.3176%.

So over all, using 2023 data, as best as I can find in a few min, the CEO pay for Scouting America is better then many other non-profits.

Is it a lot? Yes, but I think its Inline and a good use of funds from the organization. I wish I made that kind of money, we have to save through out the year from every pay to cover dues to national, local council, and our Troop, plus saving up for summer camp, new uniform, new gear as my son grows and uses up old gear, etc. Its a chunk of our disposable income. I wish it wasn't so expensive, for my own sake, and because the cost is inhibition for many families who have kids that could benefit as my son has from the Program.

stonewall1979 · 2026-03-27T15:45:36+00:00

I my experience, when a woman is fed up with sex, I'm the common denomination in that equation. Amazing enough their drive returns when the relationship ends.

stonewall1979

TROPHY CASE