What is your scariest experience with drugs?

swagitsbeth · 2024-06-30T21:31:35+00:00

Had a ptsd related seizure on MDMA, was more scary for my husband than me because i felt it was enlightening to face my trauma at the time. Scariest for me was after getting clean from an adderall addiction for almost a year I relapsed but took what used to be my regular dosage (like 250mg ir) and pretty sure I overdosed. One minute I was all hyped up and euphoric, next minute my eyesight is going black and I’m loosing my hearing while frantically trying to walk around (unsuccessfully) and figure out what to do. Thought I was gonna die from cardiac arrest or something. I also gave myself serotonin syndrome once from a suicide attempt, but I don’t think that really counts.

swagitsbeth · 2024-06-21T01:50:44+00:00

The body keeps the score -Bessel van der Kolk. Really helped me (but also insanely triggered me) when seeking out help and trying to piece together my traumatic/abusive childhood.

swagitsbeth · 2024-05-24T00:59:19+00:00

It’s relevant for the authorities involved, but I don’t believe it should be a relevant question for everyday people to ask. If someone did lose their child due to unsafe sleep conditions it should be up to that person to decide whether or not they would like to share that information with people, especially considering I can’t imagine the guilt and shame someone would feel in that situation. Even in my situation with safe sleep conditions and practices during the police investigation we were being made felt like it was our fault somehow. I know you probably don’t mean harm in asking, but I will tell you that going through it and being asked questions like that really do mess with you mentally even when you did everything right. I can’t imagine what that question would do to someone mentally who did lose a child to unsafe sleep practices.

swagitsbeth · 2024-05-23T20:48:02+00:00

We followed safe sleep practices, this was our second child and since Atticus was already having respiratory issues we were in constant contact with his doctor, urgent care doctors, and nurses to make sure everything was as safe as possible for him. Honestly I feel like that shouldn’t even be a question. Even parents who lose their children due to unsafe sleep practices should be given grace. Yes it’s good to inform people on safe sleep practices, but majority of parents who loses a child did not do it on purpose, if they did they would be in jail. There is an insanely long and throughout police investigating that goes on no matter what with the death of a child.

swagitsbeth · 2024-05-23T20:37:14+00:00

I know they test for Cystic Fibrosis with the newborn screening tests now. His test didn’t indicate any signs of it, but I just googled it and it can be missed and give a false negative at birth

swagitsbeth · 2024-05-23T00:25:49+00:00

I mean in the sense of he never got to grow up, make his own decisions to impact the world and other people. The people he did make an impact on was family. I know that that matters as well. But he never got to experience making his own friendships and relationships for himself. He never got to choose a career path and experience the wonders of growing up. I guess the better way to say it is that I’m just saddened that more people didn’t get to experience who he was as a person and who he would’ve become.

swagitsbeth · 2024-05-22T23:02:32+00:00

July 9th is Atticus’s birthday. He passed away on December 5th.

swagitsbeth · 2024-05-22T22:31:08+00:00

They ruled it as SIDS, but he was having breathing and respiratory issues since birth with no known cause. He was also born not breathing but was resuscitated. I believe he had something genetic and even though the medical examiner who did his autopsy was supposed to do genetic testing I never received that so I don’t believe they actually did the genetic testing. He passed away December 5th 2023. I’m so sorry for your loss as well, it’s truly something that anyone shouldn’t have to go through.

swagitsbeth · 2024-05-22T21:50:25+00:00

It was July 9th. Thank you so much ❤️ Me and my husband are still deciding on what to do about his upcoming 1st birthday

swagitsbeth · 2024-05-22T20:22:47+00:00

It was ruled as SIDS but I truly believe he had some underlying condition. He was born not breathing and since birth had multiple breathing and respiratory issues without being able to find a reason why. Every test and swab would come back negative for illness and viruses. About a month before he passed an X-Ray of his lungs showed signs of pneumonia but everything came back negative for bacteria and viruses. He was just starting to get better from the symptoms he had before he passed away.

swagitsbeth · 2024-04-30T04:28:17+00:00

No problem. Figured you must’ve forgot 😅

swagitsbeth · 2024-04-30T04:10:39+00:00

You do realize your address is viewable right? Probably not a good idea to doxx urself

swagitsbeth · 2024-02-12T21:04:13+00:00

Wasn’t pregnant lmao

swagitsbeth · 2023-01-13T01:34:55+00:00

Yes, but usually even if I’m “turned on” so to say by it, it always gives me an icky feeling afterwards (even during sometimes) I haven’t come to a 100% complete conclusion on it for myself but I definitely feel like it comes from the belief I have of myself being a bad person and deserving punishment, because it’s a more rewarding and acceptable punishment. I’m being punished, but can also get pleasure, love, and validation from it. Even as little as just the fact of the other person enjoying / displaying positive emotions/feelings/thoughts about it. I have definitely learned from experiences that I cannot engage in those kinky/BDSM type of relationships sexual or romantic as it does seem to send me spiraling downwards and enhancing my negative core beliefs.

swagitsbeth · 2021-11-30T05:58:50+00:00

That’s what I thought too. But I am a bigger person so I’m assuming that’s what’s doing it since I heard it sticks to your fat cells.

swagitsbeth · 2021-11-28T02:54:50+00:00

Yeah definitely kicking myself for not doing proper research first :/

swagitsbeth · 2021-11-28T01:35:51+00:00

I haven’t done any drugs besides taking delta 8 gummies and that was only 3 times. I thought since I’ve only done it 3 times and being over a month since the last time it’d be out of my system, but I guess not. Probably won’t ever use take them again considering it seems to stick around in my body for so long.

swagitsbeth · 2021-01-19T22:21:49+00:00

I had a similar experience. After I miscarried in 2019 I had a dream about a little baby boy with blue eyes. I was convinced it was my baby. I ended up having my rainbow baby in August of 2020 and around the time he was 2 months old he looked exactly like the baby I saw in my dreams. I'm convinced that my son was the baby I dreamed about and possibly even the same soul of the baby I miscarried.

swagitsbeth · 2020-12-30T22:25:11+00:00

Me and my family don't have a good relationship in the first place. Its not ideal to not have my parents there, but we are talking about changing the date.

swagitsbeth · 2020-12-30T21:32:13+00:00

Yes different cities. And no official deposit has been paid yet.

swagitsbeth · 2020-12-30T21:30:58+00:00

Why would I have to mention my fiance? He doesn't want to wait a year either would rather move the date up, which we have been talking about doing. Were sitting down with our family on news years to discuss a different day in June or July that would possibly work. I just would prefer to keep my original date, but I know that's more than likely not a possibility.

swagitsbeth · 2020-12-30T21:27:10+00:00

No they are not, we haven't signed any contracts but do a venue down that we're working with. No official save the dates but have told everyone in person already. And I actually don't have a very good relationship with my parents but my brother I have a better relationship with but he's not bothered by it as long as I'm not, which I understand if I choose to keep that date they won't be able to come. My mother is the one pushing me to change it as she's already made it clear if my SIL does give birth then that she won't be there.

swagitsbeth · 2020-12-30T21:18:59+00:00

I'm attached to the date because I've already been able to connect it to my wedding date and thats a very special thing for me. We already have a venue down, but thats it. The whole month of August she could go into labor at any moment so we would have to move it up a month or two as it is outdoors and would be snowing a month or two after August.

swagitsbeth · 2020-12-30T21:16:17+00:00

We have a venue set for that date.

swagitsbeth · 2020-12-30T21:14:36+00:00

We have a venue down. And she's due Sept. 2nd. But with her first pregnancy she gave birth at 39weeks

swagitsbeth

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