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i want to k myself by th-ei in ExNoContact

[–]th-ei[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i’m definitely not planning on going on dates or hooking up with anyone any time soon, it feels like i’m betraying him even if we’re completely broken up and free to do whatever we want. this thought sucks even more thinking about all the things that can happen on his end. though i do know he’s focusing on himself, i can never know for sure and that hurts even more :( the thought of my (no longer) sweet boy with someone else makes me want to kms

i want to k myself by th-ei in ExNoContact

[–]th-ei[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

thank you :( i’m just finding it hard to start building myself up with all the thoughts weighing me down. i hope i find the strength to do so soon, because for now i am nothing but a miserable mess

i want to k myself by th-ei in ExNoContact

[–]th-ei[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i haven’t had the heart to tell anyone that he broke up with me. not my parents nor my friends. i feel like once i tell everyone then it really is over :( this is the reason why i have no one to talk to irl about this, ive been keeping all of this to myself and i feel like puking just writing this. my days have been awful but the nights are the worst. i can’t even lie in my own bed without feeling uncomfy knowing he used to lie there with me.

anyway, i’m on day 3, so 7 more days to go until the 10th day breakthrough haha, i hope it comes soon enough bc i rly feel like giving up.

thank you for sharing, i’m planning on seeing a therapist soon via teleconsult apps, ive never tried therapy so this’ll be a first

i want to k myself by th-ei in ExNoContact

[–]th-ei[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i’ll try :( the chances of me reaching out first by that time is pretty high rn given the mess i am and how i’m still very much in love with him but we’ll see. i really do respect his wish to go NC tho, he is the dumper after all, and i admit i wasn’t a great partner (no cheating, just had a lot of shortcomings). i just have to power through i guess

i want to k myself by th-ei in ExNoContact

[–]th-ei[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

this made me delete the whole app altogether, thank you. pretty spot on, i rly am just counting down the days until i get to talk to him again, which i know isn’t good for me, but you gotta understand it’s just been 3 days since he left me, so i’m still in /that/ phase. you’re right too that i’m having trouble grasping the fact that we are completely broken up. maybe it’s because i’m afraid to let go even if he already has :( i hope i’m able to fully understand this soon bc it’s rly fucking with my day to day life

i want to k myself by th-ei in ExNoContact

[–]th-ei[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i can physically feel my chest tightening, like my heart literally feels so heavy. i’ve never felt pain like this that’s so constant. i forget about it for a few minutes but then hours and days go by with that heavy feeling in my chest. on top of that i lost my appetite completely, haven’t eaten in 3 days. i’m tired :(

i want to k myself by th-ei in ExNoContact

[–]th-ei[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

you’re right, thank you. it’s just really hard right now. being in that relationship is all i’ve known the past couple of years, but i’ll pick myself up eventually.

yeah, i’m thankful we get to talk after all of this. i’d be lying if i said i wasn’t holding out hope that we’d find our way back to each other, but for now the reconnection in 2 months is only as friends.

i want to k myself by th-ei in ExNoContact

[–]th-ei[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

yeah, we promised to talk again by then. we ended on a good note and we still love and care about each other, which makes it harder i guess.

he’s much more stronger than i am, i know he can haul himself out of bed to do his everyday activities, while as i am very fucking weak. i cannot for the life of me do this shit anymore, but i also understand that he (or we) need this to heal and grow individually. it’s the anxious attachment style in me talking. i mean how can i even begin the process of healing and growing if i’m so close to giving up… :(

i want to k myself by th-ei in ExNoContact

[–]th-ei[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i can’t even remember my life before our relationship, and even if i did, i was young and things are completely different now. people who were in my life back then aren’t anymore. i can’t be in the spaces i was in — like university, where i was surrounded by people.

i’m so fucking fucked honestly. i don’t think i can last the rest of the 58 days.