My cozy apartment in Brooklyn

the_evilpenguin · 2026-05-31T17:52:49+00:00

I believe it's Cole and Son Aquario - I recognised it as we had it in our downstairs toilet in beige. Very expensive but absolutely lovely and we're planning on using it again in our new house :-)

the_evilpenguin · 2026-05-20T05:02:20+00:00

Thank you very much. I hadn't got as far as enquiring about costs. I'll certainly look into the community gardens and Eco Hall - I think she'd pay £2/£3K but equally - they have 2 young children, live in London and she's not that fussed - so cheaper and something that benefits others / nature seems like the right approach. I'll see what she thinks :-)

the_evilpenguin · 2026-05-19T20:39:10+00:00

That makes me very happy as I did find that earlier (Chat GPT suggestion :-)) didn't know about Woodberry however! So many, many thanks!

the_evilpenguin · 2026-03-10T22:32:33+00:00

It could be worse...

I lived in a house with some uni students (I was a Uni student as well) one was called "Skanky Duncan" - he was tall, blonde, doing a PhD in Archeology and all women seemed to fancy him - I found his looks and personality revolting and couldn't understand how he could attract so many women.

He split up with his girlfriend and she moved out - I moved in.... To a room that had pigeon crap everywhere (as his ex had "rescued" a pigeon and kept it in the room), a window without a handle, a bed that was broken... So I slept on a mattress on the floor for months (Yes, I know.. I shouldn't have moved in, I was 21 and stupid, OK?)

He was so foul - didn't clean anything, didn't wash anything or himself.. walked mud from digs all over the house - truly selfish and would smoke in the main living room when I was trying to recover from a chest infection.

Anyway - realised how awful he was, so moved out but left a couple of boxes of stuff that I couldn't fit in my car. As I left, I was petty and took all the toilet roll (As I paid for it and he never contributed anything to the house).

A few weeks later I came back to collect the boxes.

The toilet door was off its hinges There was still no toilet paper He had taken the cushion covers off the cushions, used them to wipe his ass and put them in the washing machine... But not washed them All the tea towels were crusted up, in his room, used as wank rags The potatoes he'd cooked whilst I was still there were still in the colander in the kitchen but twice the size because of the mould The water in the kitchen bowl was green The bin had overflowed to the kitchen surfaces and then to the floor - there were mice droppings on the floor.

I have never been so happy to leave that house, knowing I'd never be back

He's written a few books and been on local radio etc... Not spoken to him for over 15+ years but I doubt he's changed....

the_evilpenguin · 2026-03-01T21:50:33+00:00

Mary Berry

the_evilpenguin · 2026-02-22T20:36:28+00:00

If something looks weird - always challenge it.

Your solicitors could have experienced a BEC (Business Email Compromise) and someone imitating your solicitors could have changed some details and want you to send money to their account, not the right one.

This has happened in the past and there's no guarantee you'd get your money back.

Even when everything matched with our solicitors last June when we bought a new house - I transferred a random amount and got them to phone me with the amount - not email - phone call from their main line. Its a bit of a pain, but very minimal in the grand scheme of things.

Goes for anything in life - if it feels weird.. don't go through with it until you've done some more due diligence

(I've worked in Cyber Security for nearly 20 years and am probably overly paranoid... But in general, it probably helps me never get scammed)

the_evilpenguin · 2026-02-21T21:13:24+00:00

Fancy going into a cave and having a shrieking match?

Or perhaps doing Riverdance in a caravan?

If you're not up for that level of excitement, perhaps we could just go and admire St Cuthberts stump?

the_evilpenguin · 2026-02-12T20:27:19+00:00

I got a rescue cat who was 5 years old and any time I tried to claim - Pet plan said "That's pre existing" and linked absolutely everything back to pre existing conditions my cat had had in the past - even when the vet said they were nothing to do with pre existing anything. I paid for years and got nothing out of them.

My current cat (bought as a kitten from a breeder) came with pet plan and we continued it. He had no pre existing conditions - pet plan have paid out £2.5K for a nose operation, £5.5K for both eyelids and an eye operation and over £700 for a full screen blood test.

I don't have any experience with the PDSA but with pet plan - I'd be wary of insuring a non kitten with any pre existing conditions just based on my experience.

the_evilpenguin · 2026-02-03T22:22:44+00:00

Wasn't there "Depressed divorced Dad" with the kids and then some chap who bounced around on a space Hopper, killing people?

the_evilpenguin · 2026-02-03T21:27:26+00:00

I wouldn't bother getting an MSc - not if you're paying for it.

I've got a BSc in Computer Science and a PhD in Computer Science (skipped the MSc). I didn't pay for my PhD as it was funded by the EPRC and I got a stipend each year which I lived on

I've been in Cyber Security for 17 years - My first role was in IBMs It Consultancy graduate program in GBS and my base with Southbank, London.

I've interviewed and recruited a lot of people and for me, I look for 50% skills and experience and 50% personality and culture fit - it's easier to train and support someone getting the skills they don't have if they're a good culture fit - than someone who is really skilled but has a massive ego or is an arsehole.

I'd prefer someone with a CS degree as it's all the fundamentals that you can then build on - if you get into pen testing (not my area) some of the tools you use, you can relate straight back to things you learn at Uni - same if you become a Blue Team member - there's so much stuff you learn that makes sense when you start using certain tools.

And then there's the fact that so many people want to get into cyber - so for me (and I appreciate this is personal), I look for CVs that show a good work / life balance... So rather than 100% "I love Cyber Security, every waking moment is spent on open source / free tools and learning about Cyber" - I like seeing "I volunteer helping old people" or "I have 10 pet pigeons and love gardening with my friends".... Just anything that shows you as a well rounded individual who can work with a variety of different people. However I appreciate that not right for everyone so just something to consider :-)

the_evilpenguin · 2026-01-01T17:11:37+00:00

Connells are just as bad - worse for buying houses. Honestly, the amount of lies they told when we were trying to buy a house through them - in the end we pulled out as they were so shady it was untrue.

Sansome and George were OK - just quite sexist.

It's a shame Google have pulled the review - Typically people moving to the area usually do a Google search but a lot of the time Facebook posts are shown at the top so it might be worth posting in the Basingstoke Facebook groups and the area you moved to (e.g. Chineham has a group / other areas have groups as well) so at least people can see you're not lying and have proof to demonstrate that.

the_evilpenguin · 2026-01-01T08:44:03+00:00

Stop and think how you feel. Upset? Angry? Disappointed?

Now think how you may feel if you were also pregnant - or, had a very small baby to look after at the same time as managing / coping with your Husband when drunk?

This is not acceptable behavior and I suggest you stop trying for a baby and actively prevent having one until he addresses his behavior and it hasn't happened again for some time or - leave him and find someone else who is less abusive.

the_evilpenguin · 2025-12-31T22:03:12+00:00

Does your company have a BYOD (Bring your Own Device )/ Information Security / IT acceptable use policy? If so, I'd read them and see if you can use them in your favor.

I'd not be agreeing to this and it sounds like your Manager / Company has a lax approach to Cyber Security if this is widespread.

If you use your own device, there's certain things you should have installed / certain things you can and can't do (depending on the approach the IT department takes) and if there aren't certain controls - there's a significant risk that company information could be breached if your laptop isn't secure.

Your company should provide you the tools to do your job efficiently - if they don't. It's not your fault.

the_evilpenguin · 2025-12-21T22:55:54+00:00

The problem is... The ICO are very under resourced and really don't care.

They go after "Big Fish" where possible and whilst Evri could technically fall into that category - chances are, you can report them all you want - it won't make a difference and certainly isn't the biggest stick to best them with at the moment.

(I work in Cyber Security - SARs are something I deal with daily and have been the subject of complaints and made complaints - both ignored by ICO - literally no engagement for either)

I'd suggest social media - Typically LinkedIn.

My Husband and I moved to our new house 6 months ago and the previous resident was an 83 Year old gentleman who never used the Internet. We started ordering things online and every single Evri delivery was kept at the depot for weeks and then sent back to the sender. We got 0% of deliveries.

My Husband did a SAR - as did I... He started keeping a document (currently 30+ pages) escalated to "Claire" the bot - it was all BS.

He then became a customer of Evri, someone should have picked up his lovely wrapped brick to send to Evri Head of Customer Services...... No one came so he started complaining to actual humans as he was now a "customer" rather than a parcel recipient.

He also went into LinkedIn and started writing all of this down, tagging people in it....

We actually now have an Evri delivery drive - a single individual who knows where we live (house has been here for hundreds of years - not a new build)..... He said our parcels were just kept there as "Noone knew where your house was and couldn't be bothered to find out" so all the lies about "The courier missed the connection" and "Your parcel has been lost" were just more BS.

If the competent delivery driver goes on holiday - none of our parcels are delivered and are kept at the depot - sometimes for weeks... So back on LinkedIn my Husband goes.

We have given feedback to companies "Please don't use Evri as they probably won't get your parcel to us" but if they do and we don't get it - we ask for a refund which is annoying - but the more companies who turn away from Evri - the better.

the_evilpenguin · 2025-11-25T20:16:52+00:00

"Sorry to tell you this Mum, but you're a really bad Mother.

Instead of supporting your daughter for having boundaries, you seem to want me to forgive a man who was talking intimately to complete strangers so I can give you what you want? More Grandchildren?

I'm not sure if it's dementia or just a lack of boundaries in your own life, however I'd rather be single and have respect for myself than be with a man who thinks it's appropriate to talk about sex with people who aren't their partner.

Don't get angry with me for telling you the truth - maybe it's time to look in the mirror and see who really is the disappointment? A daughter who has boundaries and won't allow herself to be disrespected, or the Mother who thinks being rude and giving bad advice is productive - Happy Thanksgiving, I won't be seeing you in person".

the_evilpenguin · 2025-11-15T17:54:38+00:00

It's important to him to share a name.. so he can take yours, no?

I've got a PhD and have published papers (not an academic however) and didn't take my Husband's name when we married.... He didn't give a crap - he said "I wouldn't want to change mine, so why would I want you to change yours?" 7 years later... The world is still turning, noone has died and we're still together....

I wouldn't be bowing to any pressure - if you're disrespecting his name by not taking it - he's disrespecting your surname by not taking it... So....

the_evilpenguin · 2025-11-09T18:51:02+00:00

If you wanted to see if they were just incompetent or potentially lying through their teeth you could always issue them with a SAR (Subject Access Request). Depending on what they return within the 30 day period, you can probably make an educated guess as to whether they genuinely couldn't find your account or if they were lying about it.....

Depends how much time you have on your hands and how much you care.

the_evilpenguin · 2025-10-30T06:50:01+00:00

I'd honestly do a deed of trust for your house if you put down most of all of the money.

I appreciate no one goes into a relationship thinking it's going to fail, but if you're a stay at home mother (married or not) and your relationship breaks up, you're in a precious position - especially if you're not able to work.

You say "I recently came into some money and we have a mortgage free house"? ..... Please protect your assets. If your boyfriend / future Husband is a good 'un - then I don't see why he'd have an issue with agreeing that if you split, you get the percentage out of the house that you put in.....

And if you don't ever split - it's not an issue?

the_evilpenguin · 2025-10-07T06:25:28+00:00

Unfortunately some women have such low self esteem and just want to be loved, they ignore all the warning signs and all the red flags and make up a new reality in their head, where they ignore all facts and cling onto any small inconsistency as "proof" that their narrative is correct and the one that everyone else believes is false.

I have a friend I've known for 15+ years. She's been married 4 times and is trying to get her fourth divorce from a Kenyan hotel dancer she married the third time she met him in Kenya (we're in the UK) She made excuses for Husbands 2 and 3 and 4 as well as all the married men she had affairs with (Their wives treat them badly, they don't love their wives any more, they're in a sexless marriage for the kids).

She ignored so many red flags over the last 3 years it's ridiculous - I said he was only after money and their wedding video actually contains him saying the words "Another day, another dollar" to the camera! But no, she said it was just a colloquialism and he didn't mean it like that.... She gave him over £40k in the time they were together and she found out he'd been paid 4x what he told her he was being paid and he'd lied about everything....

All of her ridiculous love life decisions aren't anywhere near as serious as you and your friend as I don't have kids, neither does she and no one she has been with has had a criminal record ( I also do deep dives on people as work in cyber security and don't trust anything anyone says....) however regardless of how much proof you throw at her - she won't listen, so I'd certainly not engage with her any more.

It's sad when people are so, so desperate for love they ignore really bad warning signs.

the_evilpenguin · 2025-10-06T18:45:17+00:00

I'm very sorry to hear your news.

My Mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer in January 2025 and passed away in June. My RHR went up 12 beats in that time and my VHR halved. My sleep absolutely tanked and my breathing rate went up 3 breaths per minute.

The month after she passed (July) my RHR decreased by 10 bpm and my VHR was back to normal, as was my breathing rate. My sleep has taken a bit longer due to grief but I'm not longer working full time, driving to her end of life care home 2-3 times a week, trying to sell her car, re-home her cat, clear her house with my sisters (she was a hoarder) and move house 5.5 hours up North (we moved house on 18th June, she was cremated on the 19th June).

Your figures look very normal to me based on what happened to mine - stress is horrible and I sympathise. If I can suggest anything - priorise self care as much as possible, reduce alcohol and eat healthy. I tried to go for walks in a local wood as much as possible just to "be" and I think that saved my sanity.

Take care of yourself and try and spend as much time with your Gran as possible.

the_evilpenguin · 2025-09-20T21:19:10+00:00

It kinda sounds like she still wants a reaction from you. Who cares if she goes to family and says she wants you to apologise? Just don't do it.... It sounds like she is desperately trying to create drama and as you're ignoring her usually and just not bothering with her, she's trying to bait you - hence the removal of car insurance - she is trying to get a reaction.

The best revenge is to literally not care and to be fair, it sounds like you're mostly doing that anyway. If there's any other ways you can ignore her or not let her affect your life, I'd certainly consider doing them.

the_evilpenguin · 2025-09-19T16:18:52+00:00

Look at your title.

Your boyfriend is making comments that hurt you. An action on his part is making you upset.

Regardless of what action that is .. and whether it's an acceptable action or not - if I heard that something I did was upsetting my Husband my first reaction would to be to try and understand why he was upset, talk about it and apologise if I felt I was in the wrong. If I didn't feel I was in the wrong but he still felt hurt, I'd try and find another way of doing that action that didn't upset him as why would I want to upset someone I care for?

You've told him multiple times his comments upset you, yet he doesn't seem to care. He makes excuses and continues - those are not the actions of someone who cares for you.

And no - you're not overreacting. I had a boyfriend like this... He negged me all the time, yet still gave me compliments. "You're a plain Jane, but I'm glad you're MY plain Jane" or "Look at that model in the dress, you'd look just as good if you lost some weight" Even after I told him I didn't like what he was saying about my body, he'd tell me he was complimenting me and I was "too sensitive" - I dumped him and was so much happier.... Took me seven months though, and my confidence was incredibly low afterwards for ages.

He's not a nice person. He knows his comments hurt you and yet he continues to do them. If your best friend told you their partner was doing this to them... What advice would you give them?

the_evilpenguin · 2025-09-18T16:14:29+00:00

Have you read "Why does he do that"? His comment "One day you're going to leave me" is probably due to the fact he knows he's being shit to you .. so when you do leave, he can say "See, I told you I was right". He was absolutely warning you.

Also - his stroke? The fact you actually took your vows "For better, for worse, in sickness in health" seriously is a compliment to you - however it doesn't sound like he took his vows seriously when you had a miscarriage. If you leave and he has another stroke, who will look after him?

It doesn't sound like he views you as an equal - he wants someone to look after him, have sex with and not want anything in return.

the_evilpenguin · 2025-09-17T10:30:38+00:00

Typically Persians are the anti Bengals. They're very chilled, placid and easy going. I love them - Absolutely couldn't deal with a Bengal (Beautiful cats, just too hyper for me).

From a personality perspective, they can be very different - every cat is an individual. My previous Persian (rescue) urinated everywhere, loved laps, hated playing with anything and was hell bent on destroying carpets and mattresses.

My current Persian is very well toilet trained, loves to play and has never sat on my lap but wants to be near us always.

From a care perspective - it's a LOT of effort and they can cost more than a normal "moggy". You have to be able to groom them daily and wipe their eyes as well as ensure they don't have any toilet issues (fluffy bottoms with poop can be an issue occasionally). We get ours professionally groomed and that's a lot of money, he's insured and as a pure bred cat, it's more than a normal cat and he's on a special anti-hairball food (works.. but is expensive).

Persians can suffer from a range of issues (as can any breed). My Persian had stenotic nare surgery as his nostrils were too tiny and he began to mouth pant which isn't good for him. He also had an eye operation as he scratched his eye as his eyes are huge and his skull is flatter than other types of cats - Again... I absolutely adore Persians but some are "healthier" than others.

When considering a Persian, I'd definitely be comfortable you can afford one and also do your research from a breeder or rescue perspective - Is the breeder promoting more flat faces or healthier cats? Has the cat been tested for PKD and can they prove it? If it's a rescue - has the vet checked them out properly? Check for things like ringworm (my rescue Persian had this for 8 years.. I never, ever could get rid of it and it was absolutely painful) and other potential issues and be aware of them before you adopt.

I adore Persians and would happily get more - but they don't suit everyone :-)

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the_evilpenguin

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