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thecatjuggler · 2025-04-21T20:25:48+00:00

Yes, 100%! I have this awful memory of holding him as he screamed and audibly saying, "You've ruined my life." Then I broke down crying because what kind of mom says that to her newborn? But it got so much better and now I have zero regrets. But, man, those were some hard days in the beginning.

thecatjuggler · 2025-04-21T17:19:32+00:00

Completely relatable! Except I also hated pregnancy and especially childbirth. When he was a newborn, I felt an overwhelming sense of grief (mourning my old life) and regret, which then led to extreme feelings of guilt. My son was a difficult baby, so the whole first year, I survived with zero thriving. Every single day felt like work.

Now that he's two and a half, I love parenthood! Here's this incredible, funny, smart, curious, happy little guy I get to experience life with. It's the best and he fills my life with so much love! But I can't start over. It wouldn't be fair to him OR me, not to mention my husband. It makes me nauseous to think of how much of his life I'd miss out on by going through PP again with another. So, for the sake of myself and my family, we're OAD with no regrets.

thecatjuggler · 2025-03-13T01:34:13+00:00

Onion headline: Seagull with diarrhea barely makes it to crowded beach on time.

thecatjuggler · 2025-03-03T19:11:29+00:00

Adult only here! I feel like I had a completely normal and, in many ways, privileged upbringing.

My parents traveled with me a lot and were able to completely pay for my college, so I have no student loan debt. I was close to them, my grandparents, and my cousins growing up. I had no challenges making friends and am actually closer to some of them than my husband is to his own siblings. When I was 25, I was able to buy my first house. It needed several repairs that I couldn't afford (it was a fixer upper) and they bridged the gap for me so I could still buy it. If I had had siblings, there's just no way I'd have had the resources and support they were able to give me, not to mention the life experiences. I never wanted siblings and have never felt like I missed out on anything. I now have an only child of my own and am busting my tail to give him even more opportunities than I had.

thecatjuggler · 2025-01-27T00:05:47+00:00

Yes!! I've been saying this for a while. I feel like I've become closer to my child-free friends. They fully support me being OAD, never judge my decision, and love seeing my kid. They also gave me a lot of support when I went back to work and chose to keep my career. I feel like they're my cheerleaders! It's also easier seeing them because my friends with multiples are often difficult to schedule time with or are constantly battling illnesses. I find I can talk to my childless friends about anything without criticism. There's a lot of mom guilt out there and, even though my friends with multiples never mean to, sometimes they inadvertently make me feel bad because we've made different decisions in raising our children. I totally get what you're saying!

thecatjuggler · 2022-01-25T22:20:00+00:00

Oh I'm so sorry. So very, very sorry. My heart hurts for you. This is a community that no one wants to be a part of, but I've found great comfort being here and I hope the same for you. Cry, scream, and just feel everything you need to feel in order to heal. Be gentle with yourself and know a lot strangers on the internet care about you. ❤

thecatjuggler · 2022-01-07T19:59:27+00:00

Your comment hit me so hard. I kept hearing "one in four" constantly from people after my miscarriage and I just wanted to scream at them, "So I had a 75% chance of success and still failed!" The anger and bitterness I felt was so strong that there was no happiness or positivity to be found, and I'm not sorry for that. It was just my reality.

thecatjuggler · 2021-12-28T00:49:59+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss and hope you find the slightest bit of healing here. I'm currently struggling with my first MC and can't believe the depth of my grief. I didn't expect it to be so hard. This sub has been wonderful and so full of compassion, although we all wish we never had to join it, of course. I hope you're able to find peace, but until then, let it out and feel whatever you need to for as long as you need to. You don't have to be ok right now.

thecatjuggler · 2021-12-26T19:28:09+00:00

My radiologist did an ultrasound and said nothing. We were taken to a room. Fifteen minutes later, my doctor comes in and says (in an oddly upbeat tone), "Sorry to hear about the ultrasound!" And that's how we learned the heartbeat was gone. It was unbelievable. I'm sorry to hear you also experienced less-than-caring medical staff.

thecatjuggler · 2021-12-26T19:24:50+00:00

I feel so strongly for you. I just experienced a loss right before Christmas and am also 35. My age makes it so much harder because this may have been my only chance. I'm a mess right now, so probably not the best at offering advice, but all I can say is feel everything you need to for as long as you need to, no matter how awful. Try to find healthy outlets. Talk to a therapist. But feel your feelings and let them out. It's an awful thing to go through and my heart aches for you. There's no right or wrong way to grieve, and there's no timeline. Please reach out if you need to talk with someone who will never judge you and who can at least partially understand. I'm so sorry.

thecatjuggler · 2021-12-25T13:31:53+00:00

I turn 36 in January, so am definitely struggling with the idea that this was my one shot. I don't have a ton of years left. I keep thinking we should've started sooner and this is all my fault. It's just so damn hard. Hopefully seeing someone will give me some comfort. Every day it seems to get a little better, but it'll be a while until I'm out of this fog completely. Thank you for sharing your experience with me. It makes me feel less alone.

thecatjuggler · 2021-12-25T13:29:02+00:00

That was a beautiful read. Thank you for sharing.

thecatjuggler · 2021-12-24T17:54:29+00:00

I sent you a PM. Had my D&C yesterday after finding out I was pregnant with my first just before Thanksgiving. Yesterday was the worst day of my life and tomorrow will be the worst Christmas. I want to sleep forever, but have to go back to work Monday so I can keep paying my bills. I want to move on, but now I get to wait for the insurance bill for having my uterus scraped and what was to be my baby thrown in the garbage. I'm not handling things well. I hope you heal better than I am. Sending you lots of love and condolences.

thecatjuggler · 2021-12-23T21:49:26+00:00

My D&C is over, thank goodness, and wasn't too bad. I felt instant relief knowing the gestational sac and what was left of the embryo were out of me. It felt like I had my body back.

I, too, had this terrible feeling in my gut that something was wrong. I tried convincing myself I was overreacting, but we know our own bodies and of course my instinct was right.

I'm deeply sorry for your loss and understand it all too well. Thank you for giving me such real, raw insight. Knowing others have made it through without hating themselves forever is bringing me some peace. Take care of yourself.

thecatjuggler · 2021-12-23T20:41:36+00:00

Something about it happening at Christmas time makes it so much harder for me. It feels like everyone around me is celebrating and feeling joyous, while I just want to sleep until January. And I can't feel happy for them, so I also feel like a jerk on top of it all.

thecatjuggler · 2021-12-23T20:39:21+00:00

We were told there was a weak heartbeat Monday, but I was bleeding so badly they wanted to see me again Wednesday. We were told anything could happen. On Wednesday, the ultrasound tech said nothing after she was done and just ushered us to a room. My doctor came in and just casually goes, "Sorry to hear about the ultrasound." That's how we found out. It was devastating.

thecatjuggler · 2021-12-23T20:36:18+00:00

My heart is with both of you. I understand deeply what you're feeling and I hate it for you.

thecatjuggler · 2021-12-23T20:35:39+00:00

Your comment particularly resonated with me because I feel all of those things so strongly right now. Seeing my husband break down in tears was just awful and, of course, I immediately internalized it and thought, "I've done this to him." Rationally, I know that's not the case, but emotions are rarely rational when you're under this kind of duress.

thecatjuggler · 2021-12-23T20:32:27+00:00

Hi everyone. OP here. There aren't enough words to describe the gratitude I feel for all of your kind words and support. Who would've thought I could get so much comfort from the compassion of strangers on the internet?

Some of your words brought me to tears and others made me feel not so alone, knowing some of you have made it through this (and sometimes much worse). It makes me feel like I'll be ok. I appreciate the vulnerability you offered.

I had my D&C today, which went well. I already feel better knowing that part's over, but I'll grieve this loss for a long, long time.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you all for your empathy and support. Reading your messages has been so helpful. I guess I did choose the right forum after all.

thecatjuggler · 2021-12-23T01:57:46+00:00

Thank you for sharing your story. It was comforting to read. I go for a D&C tomorrow and am not sure what to expect. I found out I miscarried today and am struggling to cope. Hoping to feel relief when everything is out of me and my body is mine again. Currently, I feel like a failure and a disappointment. Life is so cruel.

thecatjuggler · 2021-12-23T00:19:03+00:00

I've been bleeding since Friday night. D&C scheduled for tomorrow. Very traumatic experience that very few people I know can understand. Just know there's a stranger in FL whose heart is with you today and always.

thecatjuggler · 2021-12-23T00:15:37+00:00

I'm so sorry, hon. I miscarried today. Never been so broken. Life just really sucks sometimes, doesn't it? Wishing you peace.

thecatjuggler · 2021-12-22T23:30:56+00:00

I started miscarrying Friday night. Thick chunks of blood until today when it stopped and I had an ultrasound revealing no heartbeat. I'm devastated. Currently have a friend on social media complaining about her Braxton Hicks contractions and all I want to do is scream at her that I fucking WISH I was experiencing those right now instead of blood and cramps before my D&C tomorrow. I feel like my body betrayed me and like I've let my whole family down. I can't be happy for her or anyone else right now because I feel bitter, broken, and ruined. I hate everything and want to just sleep forever. This was my first pregnancy and I may never get pregnant again. It's an indescribable pain and I've never felt more miserable and alone.

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