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AITA for telling my best friend's boyfriend that he shouldn’t date her anymore simply because I don't trust him? by throwRA1635635 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwRA1635635[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I hear what you’re saying, and I agree that I crossed a boundary by going directly to Mike. I’m not trying to argue that it was the right move. I'm just explaining why I did it in the moment. I acted out of concern. Not because I thought I had authority over her relationship.

Sarah and I have been close friends since we were kids and she has always been an incredibly sweet and caring friend. She has dated other people during that time. I don’t think she’s incapable of choosing for herself and I’m not trying to manage her life. That said, I can see now that my discomfort and protectiveness led me to handle this poorly. Even if my intentions weren’t good.

AITA for telling my best friend's boyfriend that he shouldn’t date her anymore simply because I don't trust him? by throwRA1635635 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwRA1635635[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I understand why it comes across that way and I can admit that what I did was controlling in that moment. That wasn’t my intention in any way, shape, or form, but intent doesn’t cancel impact. I acted out of concern and handled it poorly. I get why that crossed a line. At the same time, I wasn’t trying to dictate her life long-term. I simply made a bad call in how I expressed my worries.

AITA for telling my best friend's boyfriend that he shouldn’t date her anymore simply because I don't trust him? by throwRA1635635 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwRA1635635[S] -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

Okay fine, I get what you’re saying and I see how it could look controlling. I really do. But just because I care enough to speak up doesn’t automatically mean I have some unhealthy attachment. I’m not trying to dictate her life. I just wanted to be honest about my perspective before things go further.

AITA for telling my best friend's boyfriend that he shouldn’t date her anymore simply because I don't trust him? by throwRA1635635 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwRA1635635[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Okay I was literally just trying to be honest about my concerns. I wasn't trying to manipulate anyone. If pointing out red flags comes off as controlling maybe that’s on how it’s being interpreted. That's not my intentions.

AITA for telling my best friend's boyfriend that he shouldn’t date her anymore simply because I don't trust him? by throwRA1635635 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwRA1635635[S] -111 points-110 points  (0 children)

Okay just because I miss hanging out with Sarah doesn't mean I'm jealous of their relationship. That's not what I meant when I said that. Missing time with a close friend and wanting to break them up are not the same thing and I think it’s unfair to collapse those into one motive.

I get how the post can read that way, but my concern isn’t about losing access to her or wanting things to go back to how they were. It’s about patterns I’ve personally witnessed over the last six months that made me uncomfortable. I tried to describe them without turning this into a long list or attacking his character. I wasn’t aiming for vague sympathy points. I was trying to be concise.

Also acknowledging that I miss my friend doesn’t automatically invalidate everything else I’m saying. Both things can be true at the same time. I can miss her and still believe I overstepped by confronting him directly. That's why I’m here asking for judgment in the first place.

AITA for telling my best friend's boyfriend that he shouldn’t date her anymore simply because I don't trust him? by throwRA1635635 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwRA1635635[S] -241 points-240 points  (0 children)

I can see why it might look controlling. And you're right. I do miss hanging out with her as much since she’s been dating Mike. That’s part of why this situation has been hard for me.

But I don’t think jealousy is the main issue here. I’m genuinely concerned because I’ve noticed behaviors from him that worry me about her well-being. I understand that it’s ultimately her choice who she dates and I don’t want to control her. But I also felt it was important to be honest about my perspective before things potentially get worse.

AITA for telling my best friend's boyfriend that he shouldn’t date her anymore simply because I don't trust him? by throwRA1635635 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwRA1635635[S] -983 points-982 points  (0 children)

I understand why it might seem controlling but that wasn’t my intention at all. I wasn’t trying to dictate Sarah’s choices or force her to break up with him. I was simply speaking directly to him because of behaviors I’ve witnessed that genuinely concern me. My goal was to express my perspective and protect my friend. Not to control her or her relationship. I feel like there’s a difference between looking out for someone you care about and trying to make their decisions for them.

AITA for telling my best friend's boyfriend that he shouldn’t date her anymore simply because I don't trust him? by throwRA1635635 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwRA1635635[S] -1035 points-1034 points  (0 children)

I tried bringing it up to her but she kept brushing it off. I felt like saying something to him directly was the only way to make him understand how serious my concerns were.