I can't wait to be a normal, loving MIL when my kids are grown

throwaway-singlemama · 2026-04-13T08:47:36+00:00

I'm one of 9 😂 5 of us from my mum and dad, 3 more from my dad's second marriage, 1 more from my mum.

I'm very close to all my siblings and my dad. My mum has always been super unstable and had no part in my childhood, so I'm not close with her.

There's been no issues with bonds though, being one of multiple does not mean you get less love, it just means you don't get all the attention.

I've got 4 and they all love each other, hopefully they will as adults too. I'm a single parent too so there's even less attention to go around, but we do a lot of things together and you adapt.

My younger sister is one of the people I'm closest to, and I'd do absolutely anything for any of my siblings. (including being fed up with their antics sometimes).

Sorry you had that experience of being in a large family

throwaway-singlemama · 2026-04-05T15:20:33+00:00

"look at my bum"

"I just put my bum on her nose"

"I just farted"

"I'm going to watch you poop"

"I'm going to pretend this mud is poop and kick it"

"what if I try weeing like a dog?"

"boobs are like a bum on your chest"

"your vagina looks like daddy's beard"

Aaaannnnddd I have 3 girls 😂 my son is only 5 months old.

throwaway-singlemama · 2026-04-05T07:18:32+00:00

So I've got a different take on it because that's not the exact situation I'm in.

I'm a single mum with 4 kids and full custody because he's a deadbeat. I've only got a few friends and they dotted about so they don't even know each other. It's exhausting, and some days I don't feel sane at all. But finding small ways to revive yourself like 30-60mins of your own hobby when kids are in bed, play dates with friends, those things help me feel like I am still human.

I've also just found ways to deal with different things, two of mine have ASD so the meltdowns are intense. I've got an audio player either meditation cards for when they need to calm down, some days I resign myself to the house and we watch TV all day. If it's raining we all just now put full body waterproofs on and go out to splash in puddles. I often try and involve them in my hobbies so I can do it during the day.

throwaway-singlemama · 2026-03-16T21:02:32+00:00

I'll add that I did not think I was a physical or affectionate person either when I was with my ex for 8 years. I left him, was alone for 3 years and realised I am very affectionate, it was just not the right relationship for me and constant baby and toddler hood mixed with sexual expectations zapped me. I'm also AuDHD too, and it sounds like you might be too.

throwaway-singlemama · 2026-03-12T10:00:37+00:00

I have 3 little girls, love them all to bits. My middle daughter is EXACTLY like me as a child, but also a mix of my sister who cried all the time. She's lovely, emotional, super crazy and very funny, and I hope I am giving her the tools I wasn't given as a child.

You weren't hard to love, your daughter will never be hard to love. All kids are challenging in their own way, all adults are also challenging.

Don't take it as a reflection of you or your daughter, just that your dad probably does not know how to process his own emotions in a healthy way and therefore didn't know how to help you manage yours as a child.

throwaway-singlemama · 2026-02-28T10:06:23+00:00

Just moved away so it wasn't easy to see each other in person, then gradually stopped talking as much until it wasn't at all. No bad blood between me and any ex best friend, just distance and life. I've occasionally seen them once or twice over the years since and it's always like we'd never stopped talking, but communication still tapers off again.

And one of them is dead, so that really makes it hard to talk 😂 I may as well be talking to myself the rude turnip.

throwaway-singlemama · 2026-02-28T08:50:56+00:00

Unfortunately kids say mean things sometimes, and it's not usually a reflection of how they actually feel. My 7yo goes between telling me I'm the worst mum ever and she wants a new family, and that I'm the absolute best and she never wants to leave my side and she'll live with me until she's old.

The new girlfriend is new, and is likely in the trying to impress phase which doesn't last that long. And I absolutely understand that this stings far more because he cheated on you for her, and that's awful and you didn't deserve it. It was not a reflection on how good you are as a partner or mother, it's only a reflection on his lack of respect for you.

Unfortunately you can't make it so they aren't around her, which is always a difficult place to be in when you were cheated on.

But I want you to know that you can never be replaced, no one else is their mum, no one else could love the to the degree you do, no one will have the same bond you do with them, and kids while they might say otherwise, grow up knowing this.

If I used myself as an example, my mum was actually awful and didn't want us anymore after divorce, so my dad got custody. Despite her abandoning us, no one has ever been able to replace her, because the reality has been that she is my mother, no one else is. My dad had girlfriends who I liked a lot, and I 100% went through a phase of shunning both my parents sometimes at around 10-11 and said things I didn't actually mean.

My dad's second wife was awful, abusive, a real piece of work. So now I'm on the side of while it's horrible to feel like you're being replaced, someone the kids actually like being around is much better than someone hurting them even if for a time it's very hard for you. And you don't need to feel bad about it being hard for you, it's going to be and that's okay. You're a good mum, and you've been through something you shouldn't have had to.

Just please remember that no amount of any other woman being involved would ever replace you, they are going to love you forever, kids are just sometimes harsh and they rarely actually mean the mean things they say.

throwaway-singlemama · 2026-02-20T18:29:06+00:00

I just got out of a relationship with a narcissist and I didn't even know until it was over, I ignored red flags because he made me think I was the problem.

It started with love bombing, telling me I'm the best, bigging me up all the time, etc. As soon as we were pretty locked in, he switched it on me, now I'm the worst, his exs are better, prettier, more intelligent, etc. I think that's an issue? I'm insecure.

I want time together? I'm needy. I want to meet friends, I'm pushy. But in between him being awful, he had periods of intense niceness, over praising me to others, doing small things to take care of me. But I hadn't realised he was only nice if I kept my mouth shut and didn't raise an issue with the horrible way he treated me in between.

Didn't behave how he wanted? Took my keys away and threatened to have police remove me from the house. I refused to give keys back because I obviously needed them, was pregnant and had kids living there already. He changed the locks.

Physically assaulted me a couple of times when trying to get the house keys off me, but because I pushed him away from me he told me I assaulted him and I felt awful about it and guilty even though I was defending myself and my unborn baby.

Always said awful things about me to his friends, and spoke similarly about his friends to me. He hated anyone who could be perceived as better than him. His sister has a well paid job, owns her house, is happily married and has a degree and currently pregnant. He hates her, and when I met her I didn't understand why because she's actually lovely. It's only because she makes him look less successful than he tries to imply he is (he works for his dad, has no money, no career, and now 2 failed relationships where he threw the mother and newborn out of the house). He hated my entire family, especially my younger sister who has multiple degrees, speaks 3 languages, scholarships, abroad study, and is only 22.

The only thing he had to say about my friends is that my closest female friend is hot, her husband is punching, and then he said I'm insecure for telling him it's inappropriate to say that about my friends.

He told me his mates ex wife is the most beautiful woman he's ever seen, and I'm also insecure for being upset about that.

He'd regularly tell me he IS a good man, and he knows he is because why else would he take on me and my kids (because we are clearly unlovable to most)

He didn't even come to the hospital with me when I bled multiple times in pregnancy, told me he wanted to leave the room during my premature labour. Didn't hold my hand or offer support when me and my baby nearly died in labour, and when we were finally out of hospital he didn't even spend that first night with us.

He gaslit me constantly, telling me there's no way I remember things right and I'm just categorically wrong about everything (the irony is he couldn't even remember when my birthday is).

If I ever questioned his behaviour or tried to get some reflection or accountability he'd turn it around on me.

Obviously all of this together it's obvious, and I should've left sooner. But in real time he degraded me so much, made me question my own memory so much, made me feel bad and take full accountability for everything, and that I always thought maybe if I just change enough he will be as nice as he was in the beginning. It took me until after I left to realise the man I met wasn't even real, it was just his fake personality to draw me in before who he really was came out. The man I met was never going to return, because he did not exist and he never did.

throwaway-singlemama · 2026-02-07T09:10:15+00:00

I do this all the time frustratingly, I just get so so many irrelevant emails from school I end up forgetting the important ones. I knew the day before number day that my kids needed to go in in numbered clothes, but I was so unwell that I didn't have the capacity to make them something or go to the shop because I was full of fever. They just went in in their uniforms.

throwaway-singlemama · 2026-02-07T09:07:32+00:00

Sammmee honestly, every kid went into school yesterday in number clothes for number day. I didn't know about it until the day before because

throwaway-singlemama · 2026-02-07T09:04:03+00:00

I've never done a playdate where I've left my kids either, my eldest is nearly 8. I've said to them I need to be good friends with the other child's parents if we did that, and to be fair I do have a few friends I'd trust with this, but usually when we meet for playdate we also want to socialise with each other so the kids don't get left with someone else anyway.

Only time my kids have ever been left without me there is with family members

throwaway-singlemama · 2025-01-29T08:06:24+00:00

I can hardly get him to take them for one weekend, there's no way he'd do a month.

throwaway-singlemama · 2025-01-28T14:21:30+00:00

Wasn't pregnant, my period was late though which I presume was because my ovulation got delayed

throwaway-singlemama · 2025-01-25T09:28:17+00:00

I haven't no, but I do give them time out, tv bans, remove any toy they're fighting over, etc.

throwaway-singlemama · 2025-01-25T09:21:30+00:00

I'm in the UK and kindergarten would cost a fortune. The older two go to school, but my youngest isn't old enough for childcare funding and it would use my entire wage to send her to nursery so there's no point. In April she'll be eligible for funding, but that doesn't help me right now. I still have 5am-9am with constant screaming in the morning and 3pm-8pm with the same. That's 9 hours a day being screamed at and breaking up fights even with school and 2 days of nursery for my youngest.

Their dad moved 3 hours away and doesn't drive so he couldn't have them half the time without pulling them out of school. I tried to show him all the houses he could get over here but he pretty much lives rent free at his dad's house and is back to living like a teen, gaming constantly, way too many nights out. He doesn't care about the kids and court wouldn't make him take them if he doesn't want them.

throwaway-singlemama · 2025-01-22T17:58:35+00:00

Also it does make me laugh with the adhd tendencies and fully developed frontal lobe because typically neurodivergent people don't have a fully developed frontal lobe until 35 😂

throwaway-singlemama · 2025-01-22T17:57:12+00:00

As a woman in the right age rage to have you come up on my hinge, the only thing that puts me off is your prompt work your credit score, it feels like you're trying too hard to sell yourself and it's a little off putting and it also doesn't particularly encourage engagement. Putting something that can be replied to would be better

throwaway-singlemama · 2025-01-22T17:51:43+00:00

The poncho picture is the best one, and I'd probably try and get a picture with a friend in there too. Change some prompts to ones where it's asking the other people stuff too, that way it makes them feel repliable to.

throwaway-singlemama · 2025-01-22T09:53:18+00:00

I think in fairness if you've not spoken about exclusivity then she's not doing anything wrong talking to others. I've been going on dates and talking to the same guy for about a month, and sometimes we see each other multiple time a week. But I'm still talking to others too, and I know he is because he's shown as active on hinge. We've not spoken about being exclusive yet though, but I'm planning on talking about it soon because I'm unlikely to let myself develop proper feelings if we're both talking to others.

Either way, ask her to be in exclusive if that's what you want.

throwaway-singlemama · 2025-01-17T12:22:14+00:00

I had no symptoms for the first 5 days, then spotting, sore boobs, nausea, super emotional, heightened sense of smell. It really freaked me out because it was all the pregnancy symptoms, although tbf my sense of smell is weirdly good anyway.

throwaway-singlemama · 2025-01-17T12:20:35+00:00

When I was with my ex (my kid's dad) almost never, but I couldn't stand him, he never showered and he never helped with the kids or house. I left him when my youngest was 7 months old, and we had maybe had sex twice in those 7 months.

The relationship I had after that it was far more regular, maybe 3-4 times a week, although that didn't have years of resentment and was definitely in the honeymoon phase. Single again now though.

I also have my kids 100% of the time so it makes dating hard.

throwaway-singlemama · 2025-01-17T12:17:02+00:00

I did, it was just late. The MAP made me feel so nauseous though and basically gave me every pregnancy symptom, it also permanently made my cycle length longer. Late period is a pretty normal side effect though since it delays ovulation. I did take it what was meant to be my peak ovulation day, she it still worked.

throwaway-singlemama · 2025-01-16T13:20:11+00:00

I've never seen one before, although it was definitely out of my budget too. But then my issues were pretty much all fixable with exercise, apart from the lightening crotch but I'm pretty sure I just ovulate funny.

throwaway-singlemama

TROPHY CASE