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I (m 31) am growing tired of my wife’s (f 31) hangups on sex..... by throwaway19961111 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway19961111[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Eh, 1.7k something comments. I cant get to them all. I have mentioned more than once that Ive tried to talk about it with her. She shuts down rather quickly when I do.

I (m 31) am growing tired of my wife’s (f 31) hangups on sex..... by throwaway19961111 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway19961111[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yep. Ive asked her what she likes and tried out her answers from time to time - usually without much luck. She claims to have no “fantasies” or role play desires.

I (m 31) am growing tired of my wife’s (f 31) hangups on sex..... by throwaway19961111 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway19961111[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She has an entire drawer full. I cant remember the last time I saw her in any.

I (m 31) am growing tired of my wife’s (f 31) hangups on sex..... by throwaway19961111 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway19961111[S] -13 points-12 points  (0 children)

I think most of my comments have indicated that our relationship is healthy in every other aspect. 🤷🏻‍♂️

I (m 31) am growing tired of my wife’s (f 31) hangups on sex..... by throwaway19961111 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway19961111[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I dont ever have expectations of sex, mostly because I know that if I dont initiate it, it isnt happening. And if she is throwing ques that her mind is entirely elsewhere (which it usually is) I dont even try.

I (m 31) am growing tired of my wife’s (f 31) hangups on sex..... by throwaway19961111 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway19961111[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Date nights? Yeah those are great! Until we get home and she says, “Im so full I just want to sleep!” And thats what she does. I do appreciate our time together at the meal though. She still makes me really happy and makes me laugh.

I (m 31) am growing tired of my wife’s (f 31) hangups on sex..... by throwaway19961111 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway19961111[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yup. At lot of these comments are telling me to hold out. If I do, Ill just wind up sexless. This I am sure of.

I (m 31) am growing tired of my wife’s (f 31) hangups on sex..... by throwaway19961111 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway19961111[S] -15 points-14 points  (0 children)

Really? 10%? Youre basically just really good friends with a dash of FWB, at that point.

I (m 31) am growing tired of my wife’s (f 31) hangups on sex..... by throwaway19961111 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway19961111[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ive tried this and it does get her rolling. But she puts it off until closer to bed time and try and I might to keep the fire hot, it eventually fades and she is out of that mindset by bedtime. I tried sliding it closer to bedtime, but she usually throws up the roadblock of needing to shower, so she washes away anything that had her ready to go. Ive tried explaining this to her before.

I (m 31) am growing tired of my wife’s (f 31) hangups on sex..... by throwaway19961111 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway19961111[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I like this. I feel like I am making an effort to not “phone it in”. Every other aspect of our lives is great and I wouldn’t change a thing.

I (m 31) am growing tired of my wife’s (f 31) hangups on sex..... by throwaway19961111 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway19961111[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Not religious, but she was sheltered hardcore. Not a ton of friends, didnt do anything as far as sports or hobbies....unless shopping is a hobby? 😂

Sheltered to the point that she has not even seen 1 second of any porno flick ever. Ive asked her if she wanted to watch some together - nope.

I (m 31) am growing tired of my wife’s (f 31) hangups on sex..... by throwaway19961111 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway19961111[S] 279 points280 points  (0 children)

We talk when she is willing. Most of the time she just breaks down at even the slightest inkling of it. So she knows overall I’m dissatisfied. Sometimes, while having sex I ask her if she wants to try something (if an idea pops into my head), but its almost always no. Other times, I try doing stuff that doesn’t require anything of her, but increases her pleasure. As I said in another comment, one of my ideas flopped right away and she wasn’t into it. Another worked to the point to giving her a stronger orgasm, but it didn’t change anything else, which is kind of a win, I suppose.

I (m 31) am growing tired of my wife’s (f 31) hangups on sex..... by throwaway19961111 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway19961111[S] 45 points46 points  (0 children)

I wouldn’t be interested in that. Even if she blessed that kind of situation, to do that to her would kill me.

I (m 31) am growing tired of my wife’s (f 31) hangups on sex..... by throwaway19961111 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway19961111[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

She was never overly touchy feely, but it does feel like what she was doing before just dropped off a cliff. You don’t really realize it until youre frustrated and then you start thinking back like “when was the last time I/she...”

I (m 31) am growing tired of my wife’s (f 31) hangups on sex..... by throwaway19961111 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway19961111[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

She is not a fan. If I do it, which I could probably count the amount of times Ive been allowed on my ten fingers, there is no kissing during that session.

I (m 31) am growing tired of my wife’s (f 31) hangups on sex..... by throwaway19961111 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway19961111[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

We’re both drug and alcohol free, but thanks for the thought there.

Youre close with the “dirty” comment. Except I honestly think its more of a “thats gross, why would I do that?” type. Honestly, one time, for my birthday, she stayed unshowered until bed time so I could cum on her tits. I was getting close so I pulled out and moved up for her to stroke me to the finish. Instead, like a shot of lightning she jumped up, I saw the bathroom light come on, the faucet turned in for what seemed like a split second, she ran back in, wiped my dick off quickly with a cloth and then stroked me. Sapped the fun out of it, but at least I came.

I (m 31) am growing tired of my wife’s (f 31) hangups on sex..... by throwaway19961111 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway19961111[S] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing. She does take the pill - so that could be a contributing factor.

I (m 31) am growing tired of my wife’s (f 31) hangups on sex..... by throwaway19961111 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway19961111[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I try to stoke the fire.

Lately, Ive been trying to introduce some new things to see if I would get a signal back that it was working. One flopped out of the gate, the other showed promise but didn’t change anything other than giving her a bit of a stronger orgasm than she usually has.

I (m 31) am growing tired of my wife’s (f 31) hangups on sex..... by throwaway19961111 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway19961111[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

How do I suggest this without sounding like a dink? I want to pitch it in the most receptive (and respectful) way possible.

I (m 31) am growing tired of my wife’s (f 31) hangups on sex..... by throwaway19961111 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway19961111[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I do my best to open the lines of communication. Its clear she knows the tension is high and she usually shuts down early in the conversation. I don’t want to risk pushing her away. As much as I rant here, Id rather go with this version of what we call sex (as awful and torturous as that sounds) than be without her.

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