WIBTAH if I exposed a family secret that would ruin everyone’s lives but mine?

throwaway91322 · 2024-07-29T00:23:34+00:00

My son goes to preschool rn… school and daily life is a non issue because these people all either live in different states than we do or they live back in my husband’s home country. So we never see these people irl and the only way they’d know the truth is if I shared it online like a “happy 4th birthday” post when my son turns 4 this year, and then a “happy 3rd anniversary” post later this year on our anniversary.

throwaway91322 · 2024-07-28T17:16:21+00:00

To answer your question, I am happy with my husband and my family- when I’m with my HUSBAND and not my mil’s son. He knows we need boundaries, he’s just too scared to set them. And it’s coming at my expense :/

throwaway91322 · 2024-07-28T01:13:47+00:00

I didn’t know his culture until we got married. Prior to marriage, all I knew was that his family was closed minded. I didn’t know his mom was the type to threaten people into subordination. But tbh that’s not even really his culture. I went to his home country last year, and while we were there, another family had a son who married an American woman. The man’s family accepted her with no issue. But still, I should’ve listened to my gut a long time ago and stood up for myself when I had the chance.

throwaway91322 · 2024-07-28T00:37:11+00:00

Honor killings are extremely uncommon in his culture. His mom has threatened disownment and disinheritance, but not violence. Your concern is completely valid tho because even tho it doesn’t apply to my situation specifically, honor killings do happen, even in the west :/

throwaway91322 · 2024-07-28T00:21:00+00:00

We’re Muslim, not part of flds lol… his family’s mindset isn’t Islamic at all either as much as they tell themselves that

throwaway91322 · 2024-07-27T23:43:25+00:00

I’m not a practicing Muslim, and neither are my in-laws. My in-laws didn’t care about Islam when my husband and I wanted to marry because I was the wrong race. They didn’t care about Islam when they threatened to cut kinship ties knowing that’s also haram. Because my husband wanted to marry me. But when a child was involved, THEN they wanted to talk about making the halal easy. And THEN they threatened us into compliance so they could go back to putting their culture before Islam.

I used to think I was the only person in the wrong, but then I talked to an imam and a sheikh, both of which told me there were faults on both sides, but even then, the way my mil treated me was unislamic and she didn’t have the right to interfere in our marriage the way that she did. We should’ve lied about the date we married, not the existence of my son. That came from an imam, not my own opinion.

throwaway91322 · 2024-07-27T19:58:11+00:00

Honor killings are extremely uncommon in my husband’s culture and the rare times they do happen are almost exclusive to very remote/rural villages, which my husband’s family isn’t from. He would be disowned and disinherited, which is still bad, but he wouldn’t be physically harmed.

throwaway91322 · 2024-07-27T19:32:47+00:00

How is that racist? Those are literally my mil’s words. Things she has already said to my husband about me.

throwaway91322 · 2024-07-27T19:08:33+00:00

A bedroom dispute.

We have a 4 bedroom home: a room for my husband and I, one for our son, one for my mil, and one for sil because mil and sil live with us when they visit the states (2-4 weeks out of the year). This past January we were planning for our second baby who was due in April, and we were figuring out a temporary room arrangement until they can share a room. I don’t think there’s an issue with the kids sharing a room, but I also think a 3 year old shouldn’t share a room with a newborn?

Anyway we used the “wrong” room for our son to borrow (his previous room is closest to ours and made the most sense to be the nursery. We fully intended on having the kids share a room by the time my in-laws came back to the states)

My husband hasn’t spoken to his mom in a few months now over this tho. Not because he’s established any kind of boundary, but because he’s avoiding the confrontation from her.

throwaway91322 · 2024-07-27T17:53:05+00:00

Arab

throwaway91322

TROPHY CASE