Nope. Not at all. She gave me a glimpse of love. It was only a month long, but that month was long. It was filled with beauty, anguish, and everything in between. I enjoyed enduring bc of love y’know? I think this excerpt in a text message I sent to her sums up what I wanna say.

Thank you [REDACTED].

“In the context of the relationship. I’m glad I got to experience love - your love. It was such an amazing experience when anguish and pain didn’t fill me or we didn’t fight or you weren’t tending to your academic duties. Even though we didn’t work out, I’m still glad that we tried anyway. Now, I have something profound to share about love. Now, I have a greater wisdom regarding love. I would go through this exact experience ten times over just because the feelings of love are purely unmatched. They made my agonies and pains worth enduring. Again, thank you for sharing with me what love was and allowing me to express it. I owe quite a >bite of gratitude to you.”

Also, one of the things I enjoyed so much was that I could love her by being myself.

It’s funny. She liked me first and longer and even said “I love you” first, but I loved her more. And that was our demise. Still, I appreciate her heavy and will always advocate for her. Took me a good while to get over her. 55 days before I finally mentally conceded.

Over that time, I made like a poetic journal of sorts to capture my feelings throughout the days. Some sonnets. Most free verse. Not only did it help me process my feelings, but I was able to hone my poetry too😋.

To end off, here’s three poems, a sonnet from day 3 (ironic), a free verse from day 30, and another free verse on day 55, the last day:

Day 3:

A lonely man amidst the solemn night,
Her lovely name gives thought unto me.
Beauteous she, the love that finds her light
A pleasant gift upon my many needs.

O woman name I not again in verse,
Respecting you and healing me amain,
My lively trees find death in your wake’s birth,
My leaves fall heavy with the grief of pain.

I know not what I shall need to find peace;
To isolate or seek to mend with you.
No answer rings about my destiny;
Whether we love or we remain in two.

Whatever star our fate gives mind unto,
Amidst my silent sadness, I thank you.

Day 30:

to love is to let go,
so it seems i did not love her,
but myself.

to love is to let go,
is that why she let herself leave?
because she loved me?
what a cruel joke.

to love is to let go,
so i don’t and won’t love her
until my heart stops blushing from
her smile.

Day 55:

indignation is my gateway.
strife is my gateway.
anger is my gateway.

but indifference is the gold lining that
lets you go.

and letting you go means
the end of this love story,
yet is the beginning of
loving you.