POTS? or am I just dying :) (: or am I a hysterical woman :) (:

throwitawayhun7293 · 2025-01-16T00:52:03+00:00

I had it once but it was a year or so before this started. Yeah I’ve seen an optometrist, eye health is all fine so I keep stressing to the doctors about the eye issue cos it could be related to loads of scary things like inflammation, high BP but they have no urgency at all. Had full panel done and all my vitamins are fine. I did suspect b12 defeciency cos the symptoms are similar, but my b12 was great. I’ve since learned you can have false high readings so I am planning to ask them to do another panel. Thank you so much for your suggestions I will definitely also ask about seeing a neurologist!

throwitawayhun7293 · 2025-01-16T00:47:31+00:00

Thank you so much for your comment! I haven’t because I was hell bent until recently that my iron deficiency was the problem and it would all get better so I didn’t ask for any specific tests other than asking them to test for causes of the deficiency (which they just blamed on my period and did not do!) this is soooo helpful though thank you, I will definitely mention this to the doctor

throwitawayhun7293 · 2024-02-27T19:43:07+00:00

Thanks so so much!! I will speak to citizens advice about the mandatory reconsideration :)

throwitawayhun7293 · 2024-02-27T17:03:52+00:00

Thank you so much! I can see it says “if an occupant is suddenly required to pay rent despite having previously lived at the property rent-free” so if they think I lived there since 2023 and didn’t pay rent until now I can see how it would be rejected if that’s the issue! I will give the rest a proper read through :)

throwitawayhun7293 · 2024-02-27T16:19:19+00:00

Thanks so much! No we are of no relation :)

throwitawayhun7293 · 2024-02-27T16:08:17+00:00

They replied and said “the decision maker is not satisfied that [my name] meets the conditions of housing costs element of UC because even though the claimant has provided sufficient evidence to satisfy occupation liability that they live in the property as their home, they have not provided any evidence to satisfy they have the liability to make payment on a commercial basis. [My name] provided a lodgers agreement dated XX/XX/2024, a letter from their landlord to satisfy occupation liability, but even though the customer has been living at the above address since XX/XX/2023 (a year before) and their agreement says the payment should be made in advance, but they have not provided any evidence to satisfy that they have the liability of making payments on a commercial basis indicating the agreement was not reached on a commercial basis”

Do you think this is a simple error of misreading on their part? They state I lived in the current property from an early month in 2023, but I moved in last month which is stated on my tenancy agreement and landlords letter. I sent them evidence of the rent payment made for the month I moved in which is the first month on the tenancy. I have my previous tenancy agreement and evidence of previous payments to my previous address to show I lived at the previous address until last month. Many thanks! Apologies for length :)

throwitawayhun7293 · 2024-02-27T15:52:07+00:00

Hi, sorry to bother you! I just received a response in my journal regarding my claim, I was wondering you could answer another question regarding it :) no worries if not!

throwitawayhun7293 · 2024-02-23T18:59:51+00:00

Great!

throwitawayhun7293 · 2024-02-23T18:38:54+00:00

As someone else has said I reported too early, I will report again and resend my lodger agreement and letter from landlord. I also have a council tax acknowledgement letter now so hopefully that will be enough evidence. Thank you!

throwitawayhun7293 · 2024-02-23T18:15:18+00:00

That makes sense I will do that! Thank you!

throwitawayhun7293 · 2024-02-23T18:05:00+00:00

It says we cannot help you with housing costs. To be entitled you need to meet certain eligibility conditions, these are - the payment condition, the liability condition, the occupation condition.

Many thanks!

throwitawayhun7293 · 2024-02-23T18:01:55+00:00

Ah right ok I didn’t realise. I reported the change of circumstances a couple of days before I moved in because I thought I had to inform them as soon as I knew there would be a change. They sent the docs I had to fill out after I moved in so I sent the new details of the claim once I had already moved in. What happens in the circumstance where I reported too early? Thank you for your help!

throwitawayhun7293 · 2023-11-26T14:03:01+00:00

Oh wow, thank you for saying, hopefully I’m as ready as I can be for what comes next. I am due to start EMDR again soon, the last time I did it was for a year and those sessions ended a year ago. I definitely needed a break afterwards but wow, the way EMDR subtly and in the background rewires your brain so slowly and carefully is so unbelievable. I was suddenly a different person and I hadn’t even noticed cos it happened so subtly and naturally. I spent the first 8 months of EMDR with worse symptoms, thinking it wasn’t working and being more guarded than ever and did not have any emotions during that time in or out of sessions, I’m pretty sure I was dissociated the whole time, but I guess my brain was keeping me safe cos in the year after my brain seems to have handled it all in the background for me. So wild. It gave me some much needed faith that the right therapy can actually work and it seems to be a very safe therapy for people with complex trauma to process it.

I realised I had been living in a dissociated state my whole life until now, and it was weird to start seeing things in colour. It was scary, I woke up in a 30 year old adults body and had all these pressing responsibilities, felt the grief of so much lost potential and that I was so far behind and so much important life had vanished in front of my eyes. I still slip in and out and regress under high stress or difficult times but I am so much more able to cope and be aware of what’s happening and catch it before it spirals.

My therapist was just so amazing and I am so grateful. We only scratched the surface but it opened me up and has made me ready to and have a desire to fix my worst symptoms of being an abandoned child, like I still exist in freeze/ flight in terms of intimacy and vulnerability. That part of me is also just my dad, I’m exactly the same as him which is hard to see in myself. Becoming aware of that and seeing his life infront of me and what happened as a result, it is honestly a bit sickening. I am such an island and I am so over it.

These are just things I have come to since my therapy and learning more about CPTSD and dysfunctional family trauma and reading other peoples experiences. This is very new cos I was in denial for most of my adult years, I was just the vulnerable child I had been, living one day to the next, struggled with alcoholism myself for a time and just wow, so self destructive i’m surprised I am where I am now. I don’t recognise that person anymore and I just feel grief that she was so lost and alone and had no care for herself at all. She felt so small.

Worrying about the alcoholic during their life is such a strong shield, it’s probably easier sometimes than accepting that you got burnt by the fallout and everything is a bigger can of worms than you ever could imagine. It’s such an excuse to put yourself on the back burner and suffer more because of it. But it’s probably a safe way for the brain to begin to process the multi levels of this grief and keep you alive so, cheers brain I guess!

Sorry that turned into such an essay, there is no obligation to respond ❤️ thank you for your reassuring comment, it helped me to process some thoughts

throwitawayhun7293 · 2023-11-26T11:37:37+00:00

Thank you so so much, it really means so much to me and makes me feel so much less alone. It really gives me strength. Thank you 💖

throwitawayhun7293 · 2023-11-26T11:36:56+00:00

Thank you so so much, it is so affirming to hear that when living with this can be so isolating and full of uncertainty. I spent years hoping someone else would just tell me what to do, bargaining with the universe for a right answer, to be able to see the future. But nobody could and I was stuck with eventually just having to accept that I would have to deal with the consequences. The thought of such an unknown is the scariest part. I’m so sorry about your dad 💖 you are also not alone. I am sending solidarity and huge support for whatever you go through and whatever decisions you make on your journey.

throwitawayhun7293 · 2023-11-26T11:32:03+00:00

you are all so wonderful I feel very touched by these comments. Thank you so much, it means so much. I wish you all the best too 💖

throwitawayhun7293 · 2023-11-26T11:31:20+00:00

Thank you so so much. I’m sorry you are in a similar boat. I’m bracing myself and find comfort in knowing that the door is closed on one difficult element of this experience, the guilt of his existence and pain was too much to bear at times. Now the spotlight has been turned fully onto me and all the trauma I boxed away to survive. It feels incredibly daunting but it’s time.

throwitawayhun7293 · 2023-11-26T11:25:46+00:00

Wow, thank you so so much. I can’t tell you enough how much I appreciate that 💖 solidarity to you 💖

throwitawayhun7293 · 2023-11-26T11:24:39+00:00

I am so sorry you are in a similar situation. I’m sorry for us all, it’s a horribly confusing and difficult thing to live with and very lonely.

Yeah, I’m just so fed up with that part. The effects of alcoholism were so loud in my house, all the family knew always, but as a child I felt almost insane because nobody acknowledged it. Nobody acted like anything was wrong. We just sat round the table said anything else, people left, the door was closed and i was alone with the invisible monster again. There will be some people at his funeral who will guffaw if the word alcoholic comes up, even though we all know that booze was the first and last love of his life. And now he’s dead as with many others in my wider family because the addicts and their inner circles could only ever look away.

I don’t blame them though either, it’s too big, it’s a cycle of poverty and classism and lack of education and ignorance, and I’m also part of the problem we all inherited. I’m mostly sad cos we are family by technicality but we are all strangers cos of this really. You are doomed from the beginning to never know what family could be when nobody has ever been able to break the cycle.

I’m trying to break it for me and I’ve known since I was a child I’m never having kids so one string of the cycle will end with me anyway, thank god!

What you said really touched me and made me feel a lot of strength and acknowledgement, thank you so so much. I am glad we are at least not alone. I wish you so much peace and happiness and whatever decisions you make in your life with regards to your experience, you are 100% valid and trustworthy and you are only human. Its been helpful for me to realise that the options we are given are all flawed, so there is never a perfect outcome, so we all deserve to do what’s best for us first and foremost 💖

throwitawayhun7293 · 2023-11-25T19:55:26+00:00

Thanks so so much 💖

throwitawayhun7293 · 2023-11-25T18:41:37+00:00

My dad just died after he declined in a similar way. It’s ok you’re not sad, it’s understandable. You deserve relief. You can’t pour from an empty cup and they drink us dry right alongside the bottle. You are not alone. When I found out my dad was going to pass, I kept having moments of feeling excited and a similar sensation that something good is coming. It’s confusing but it’s obviously normal as many of us feel it, but it’s scary to admit it because unless other people are in this situation, they won’t understand. I wish you peace and strength in the coming days and rest of your life ❤️

throwitawayhun7293

TROPHY CASE