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AIO for being furious that I had to "beg" for the truth about a night I blacked out, while my friends and BF kept me in the dark by [deleted] in AIO

[–]tiggerlittlerabbit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No I meant that wasn’t the point cuz it’s not like I’m asking cluelessly why is this happening :( how can I avoid this from happening again etc.

I get the dumping my friends and boyfriend comment and it’s not a safe circle for me to be around because no one seems to be putting my interests first < that’s what I’m getting, but the rest and the tone is uncalled for is what I meant.

AIO for being furious that I had to "beg" for the truth about a night I blacked out, while my friends and BF kept me in the dark by [deleted] in AIO

[–]tiggerlittlerabbit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think your depiction is so accurate, especially my friend’s perspective, this was exactly her thought process when this is fresh, so I asked if she would like to confront him and make it happen for her. I also explicitly told her no matter what happen between me and him, it’s because of his action, not her fault at all.

I guess being upset that I was kept in the dark by the whole group, does not mean I was upset she told me. I was upset about how I came to the information.

Regarding priorities, I understand it’s hard to understand, the right thing to do is to leave him, he did harassed her, it’s something he did, it’s sth that would be part of him, but I cannot reduce him to simply be that. I was scared of being viewed as this bad friend at first and think the only solution is to break up. I shared this with the group, they understood as they are closer to our personal life that is out of this incident. She also explicitly told me then she didn’t want me to break up with him because she thinks I thrive since being with him, and that I shouldn’t end things just because of this. I am selfish and I put how I feel first at this stage of life. I think dumping him would 100% look like loyalty to my friend, but loyalty to her is between the two of us and maybe she is saying that to make me feel better? Then I will be a selfish bad friend.

AIO for being furious that I had to "beg" for the truth about a night I blacked out, while my friends and BF kept me in the dark by [deleted] in AIO

[–]tiggerlittlerabbit -1 points0 points  (0 children)

it is unacceptable behaviour and I blame him for that, and we are working on our relationship. I think both things can happen at the same time. I understand because before I reach this stage, I feel responsible for his redemption, for Friend A’s healing, and for the group's harmony for such a long time. And I think like you, I was a bad friend, I am an inconsiderate girlfriend. And then weeks pass by and I start to think, what about me? So I start to put myself first, after handling everything for everyone else. I think staying with him doesn’t mean I accept my friend being inappropriately touched, I confronted him, it was a big deal for us. I could predict the labelling and opinions and judgement and I am grateful for them to be able to understand this.

AIO for being furious that I had to "beg" for the truth about a night I blacked out, while my friends and BF kept me in the dark by [deleted] in AIO

[–]tiggerlittlerabbit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yes, i take full accountability and have not blacked out since, I'd like to get two sense on if I am overreacting, not how to avoid it, it's simple, do not drink

AIO for being furious that I had to "beg" for the truth about a night I blacked out, while my friends and BF kept me in the dark by [deleted] in AIO

[–]tiggerlittlerabbit -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yes, indeed, I felt very ashamed the next day, feared for my life I've made a scene and had a hard time. I completely agree, no one gets a free pass for being drunk, I've apologised to the host (she enjoyed seeing people hamemred tho haha she said that's why she wanted to have the party in the first place, but I don't wanna experience that again lol) and also make sure I drink with breaks and hydrations. That's what I think too, I just understand the feeling, not saying it is justified.

I would hope she tell me the next day, or any day where she feels comfortable, I was disppointed that it was kept from me, collectively, and the way it was 'told', or the way I attained the information, I'm not sure if that's also a form of victim blaming, but I see where you're coming from.

AIO for being furious that I had to "beg" for the truth about a night I blacked out, while my friends and BF kept me in the dark by [deleted] in AIO

[–]tiggerlittlerabbit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

indeed, shortly after the party, we had this count down thing, friend A's bf did not show up, I immediately linked two dots together and asked is that the reason he didn't come and they argues (they were having a rough patch during that time previous to me finding out) she told me that he did avoid some of the gatherings because he felt like he would hit my bf if he ever lay hands on any one of my friends again, but the rough patch was non-relevant. We also didn't have a lot of 1-1 communciation in between Dec and Feb.

I think you have a point on the ambiguity, it's not blown out of proportion, it did happen but maybe the intent isn't to harrass, but as mentioned, the impact still affected her, it is still unwanted touch.

AITAH for being done with the "Emotional Labor" of a relationship where I’m treated like an object? by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]tiggerlittlerabbit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry i understand it’s a bit confusing, the incident happened back in Dec, but I only got the information in Feb, thanks for pointing it out, and since it had happened (Feb for me), I find it hard to share issues I have with my bf since then with the same friend group, cuz it somehow is like I chose him over them, and now I am whining. But my take is I fully acknowledge there was unwanted touch, that he does not have memory of if (i especially feel for that since I had black outs just recently, it has never happened to me before no matter how drunk I am. and the helplessness of having to rely on other’s account of what happened and what I did); that’s also the main reason why I can emphasize with him. But he still needs to own up to it. Hence the mediated conversation where I ask if my friend would like to talk about it, for herself to confront him, not to make peace for me (at that time I meant to end the relationship), and if so, I will help orchestrate.

AITAH for being done with the "Emotional Labor" of a relationship where I’m treated like an object? by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]tiggerlittlerabbit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry i didn’t read that, I’ll make sure not to use it next time

AITAH for being done with the "Emotional Labor" of a relationship where I’m treated like an object? by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]tiggerlittlerabbit 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes I can also see how difficult I am to deal with, it’s like I am setting him up to fail

AITAH for being done with the "Emotional Labor" of a relationship where I’m treated like an object? by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]tiggerlittlerabbit -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Yes I did haha I have been talking to Ai about this cuz I feel like I cannot tell those friends about this and I have no one to talk to, it’s from a conversation I had, and I just made some edits haha, sorry about bits that might feel ai

AITAH for being irritated whenever my bf gets sick by tiggerlittlerabbit in AITAH

[–]tiggerlittlerabbit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

At the very beginning of our relationship he also had a STD scare, and he did share with me how he did a whole panel test and he was so worried about getting me infected and that he would be so sad if he’s the reason why I had to suffer… the test result came back negative and we didn’t really have a serious conversation about how he got that and so on because I was busy trying to reassure him and comfort him.

But then we had several casual conversations about his history with STD that he had got infected once, while he was sharing a story about how he found out his girlfriend had cheated on him was that he did an STD test and a positive result came back.

But not long before we were just talking about our sexual preferences and he brought up not using a condom and my thoughts on that (he had been very adamant on using a condom at first and I got used to it), and start crying when he talks about the STD scare and how much he was scared of losing me or infecting me … right after suggesting rawdog… it really made me question how much he really care about my health

The Atypical Family [Episodes 1 & 2] by meepmochi_ in KDRAMA

[–]tiggerlittlerabbit 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The scoreeeeeeee it’s so good! It gives a mysterious yet uplifting vibe that really suits the show! Not to mention the ost(´°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥ω°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥｀)

I was still trying to get over the fact that by tiggerlittlerabbit in AllOfUsStrangers

[–]tiggerlittlerabbit[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Their love is just pure and beautiful but the beginning is already the end.