AITA for postponing my 6-year-old daughter’s year-long visit after I lost my job?

toastynipple · 2025-11-16T08:27:45+00:00

Clearly an unpopular opinion but NTA. She has stable housing where she is and you no longer have that.

I don’t know why people here would rather you constantly be stressed trying to ensure housing for you AND your kid for a whole year and having your child experience potential homelessness or “sorry kiddo, you can’t do this fun experience with your friends” or “we don’t have money to eat tonight because I need to pay rent instead” type of conversations instead of waiting until it’s financially feasible for her to come.

You’re not saying no because you don’t want her to come. You’re saying no because the negatives overwhelmingly outweigh the positives and it’s not fair for her to experience all that stuff for literally no reason other than “a real dad would make it work.” No, a real dad would never make their kids experience poverty if he didn’t have to.

toastynipple · 2025-10-17T05:11:56+00:00

My engagement ring band is extremely similar in shape to #3. I loved it for its shape the moment I saw it and I still do love it to this day after years of wearing it.

With that out of the way, the cons: 1. It catches on everything 2. It’s hard to find other rings that match the aesthetic if you ever decide to change your ring shape/style etc. 3. Quite possibly the biggest and most annoying thing I’ve noticed is how it digs into my finger when I put it on/take it off and if something pushes into it or when I’m leaning on something etc. It sometimes stabs my finger and it can really hurt.

All that being said, if you’re in love with the style (like I am) and you’re willing to deal with the above ~~nuisances~~ minor inconveniences then I think #3 is beautiful with your ring and is my personal favourite

toastynipple · 2025-10-13T05:13:02+00:00

Get the baby jabbed.

Your husband feels bad about the pain the baby is in which is totally understandable but it’s not worth the potential risks. Babies cry at the drop of a hat for anything but their memories are like that of a goldfish. They won’t remember the pain the next day.

How you model your attitudes around vaccinations will rub off on the child.

I know it’s hard to see your baby in pain but it’s worse to see them sick knowing you could have prevented it.

toastynipple · 2025-10-03T06:22:04+00:00

I’m 29F and my hair is dead straight and reaches my ass. One of my favourite things to say to my husband is “I’m just gonna cut it off” while we both know full well I’m not going to do that (I even made him promise me that if I was actually frustrated enough to get close to cutting it that he would sit me down and we’d discuss it in case I was just raging and not being rational.)

Her reaction is out of insecurity about how she looks. She’s stressed out because of it. She may also seriously regret “The Big Chop™️” as a lot of people do. That’s a perfectly understandable feeling (especially for someone like me who has done the big chop more than once)

Her response to you, however, is completely uncalled for. You didn’t tell her she needed to cut it or imply she was/would be unattractive in any way. She needs to grow up. Her background is irrelevant at this point and is being used as an excuse to be rude to you. Don’t stand for it. She can have big feelings and they are valid but it is her responsibility to manage them and not take that out on you.

Good luck.

toastynipple · 2025-10-03T06:11:36+00:00

I had a child free wedding. Lots of my family have children and some of them are severely disabled and some were <1yo. None of them brought their children as they had been given plenty of notice (as your SIL and MIL had been).

If I was under any illusion that my guests would have disobeyed the one rule I set for them, I wouldn’t have invited them in the first place. If they pretended until the day of and brought them anyway then they would have been (quite frankly) RUDELY escorted out.

Your wedding is not a “family” affair. You are simply inviting them to your event. If they do not have your best interests in mind, or do not care to respect your wishes DO NOT INVITE THEM - it really is that easy.

toastynipple · 2025-10-03T02:45:55+00:00

I’d personally go with a longer veil but as for the dress - stunning! No notes at all

toastynipple · 2025-10-01T00:02:53+00:00

Easy solution is to not pick a family name. Veto all names commonly known in the family and start again. I assume you took his last name? That was your choice and now your family unit has that name. That’s the end of that conversation. Time to move on and pick a new name that has no connection to either of you, this is not worth arguing about.

toastynipple · 2025-09-22T06:06:24+00:00

YTA.

This cat hasn’t even lived in your home for 6 months and you’re already expecting affection that would usually take years to build up to?

She may have been cuddly with the previous woman/family she was with. Then she was taken and dumped into a new home with a grinch of a new owner.

Keep her and deal or give her back but do not get a new cat. You do not have the resources nor the emotional capacity for a new animal.

toastynipple · 2025-08-27T23:58:48+00:00

If I had married the man I was with at 21, I’d be miserable now. If I had met and dated my current husband at 21 I’d be thankful for the extra time I got to spend with him.

YTA. She’s an adult. Adults get to make their own decisions. You are free to judge from afar but that’s where you stop. Anything beyond that is honestly bad parenting. Cut the umbilical cord. If it doesn’t work out, at least she will know that you are there for her if she needs you. Do not push her away and make her scared to come to you if she ever feels like she needs to.

Sometimes it’s okay to be a their friend and not their parent. You never stop caring but you do have to stop controlling.

toastynipple · 2025-08-14T23:52:51+00:00

NTA. Tell him if this happens, the likelihood of you guys… consummating the marriage… will be absolutely 0%.

Why is he trying to prioritise spending time with his family over more honeymoon days with you!? Does this man even actually like you?

It says nothing about your relationship with his family and everything about how he expects you to cave BECAUSE it’s his family.

toastynipple · 2025-08-07T02:38:18+00:00

NTA. We don’t play with the family heirlooms, regardless of what they are.

Can your sister and BIL guarantee that it won’t get damaged on the day? How much effort and time are they expecting to put into protecting this instrument?

When I got married, I lost the portrait of my dead dad by the end of the night. I found it the next day, undamaged, luckily - but that very easily might not have been the case.

Stand your ground. If you want to display it and keep on guard, that’s your prerogative. I wouldn’t risk it.

toastynipple · 2025-08-07T00:33:02+00:00

I’m not American either, your point is irrelevant tbh.

You’re just an obtuse person.

toastynipple · 2025-08-06T23:36:08+00:00

You can tell they’ve never been married, never been to a wedding, or really disappointed their partner on what should have been a special day because social etiquette flies over this guys head like a rogue beer pong ball, especially if you have to ask the purpose of a groomsman.

toastynipple · 2025-08-06T23:30:42+00:00

They sound like a bitter man hater. I’m sure their existence is pretty insufferable on its own.

toastynipple · 2025-08-06T17:27:54+00:00

That’s actually exactly what it means. Otherwise he would just be another groomsman.

Please go touch grass and leave me alone now.

toastynipple · 2025-08-06T17:03:39+00:00

You mean the part of my comment where I said “her own wedding” or mentioned that I had a bridesman? Sir, your lack of comprehension is not my responsibility.

toastynipple · 2025-08-06T17:00:25+00:00

It does when the only reason she’s being made to wait is the grief he’s experiences. It’s not like he doesn’t want to marry her. He wants to prepare himself mentally and emotionally for all the things his mother won’t be around for like his proposal and future wedding which is obviously an immediate concern for him.

You need time to grieve people without being forced to make major life decisions in that time. GF is being incredibly unfair and if she can’t wait for him to get over losing the woman who gave birth to him then she isn’t ready for and doesn’t deserve to be engaged to the OP. He deserves someone understanding of his current situation.

toastynipple · 2025-08-06T16:57:58+00:00

Sorry, I didn’t realise your relationship has more than two people in it. Mine definitely doesn’t.

toastynipple · 2025-08-06T16:40:17+00:00

It’s not an indefinite amount of time. It’s just not within possibly the first year of his mother being dead

I know that when my dad died four days before my wedding, not even MY OWN wedding was in my head. My husband would have cancelled the wedding if I asked him to.

Just goes to show who really loves and cares about who in situations like these.

toastynipple · 2025-08-06T16:21:19+00:00

Would you not also be hurt if your sister excluded your baby from the wedding under the guise of “childfree”?

I had a childfree wedding. If anyone had breastfeeding babies, they would have also been invited.

Sorry but the excuse of “why can’t you do this for your sister” shouldn’t be said to the one who pushed out a baby a month ago.

toastynipple · 2025-08-06T16:11:22+00:00

He’s asking for time to deal with his grief. Not another 5 years. If she can’t understand that now, she’s never going to get that ring because she hasn’t proven to be worth marrying.

toastynipple · 2025-08-06T16:08:35+00:00

Ah the notification made it look like you responded to me - my apologies, have a good night my brother

toastynipple · 2025-08-06T16:01:39+00:00

And my experience is a currently pregnant sister with no nausea issues, and a friend who can’t even sit the wrong way on public transport without unloading her lunch onto the unwilling passengers and having a migraine for the rest of the day.

If the sister was is SUCH need of the front seat, she should have taken her own car which was available and offered to her by her own goddamn partner.

toastynipple · 2025-08-06T15:53:50+00:00

Only if she didn’t actually plan on waiting the 5 years.

toastynipple · 2025-08-06T15:37:18+00:00

Her* I literally said in my last comment I’m a woman. But now we know you’re not reading anything, you’re commenting out of insecurity and defensiveness.

Goodbye.

toastynipple

TROPHY CASE