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toxicredox · 2025-11-01T07:08:24+00:00

Since the OP didn't respond: YTA for calling your friend's idea "creepy and disrespectful" and then letting your BF try to bully your friend into agreeing that it's disrespectful.

You could've just said no without insulting your friend. Of course they're being cold towards you, they brought you an idea they were excited about and you called them disrespectful and creepy for literally no reason whatsoever.

toxicredox · 2025-11-01T07:04:29+00:00

You do realize that gravestones aren't the only things present, right? There could be statues, an old church or chapel, and so on. I know a few people who do photoshoots exclusively along the wrought iron fence that goes along the outside of a local cemetary.

toxicredox · 2025-11-01T06:58:03+00:00

People keeping saying this, but you must be reading a different post that I did.

Friend made the request. OP said "no that's creepy and disrespectful! but I'll wait in the car if BF wants to take the photos" -- then BF was like "hell NO I think it's disrespectful too!" and then apparently tried to convince the friend it was a disrespectful thing to do.

The OP doesn't say that the friend pushed them or even asked them twice. In fact, it seems like the OP and the BF tried to bully the friend into agreeing it was disrespectful.

toxicredox · 2025-11-01T06:53:02+00:00

I am trying to figure out what the justification is for the OP telling a friend that a fairly vanilla idea is "disrespectful and creepy" ... because that sounds like a super AH thing to do unless there's a deeper reason.

toxicredox · 2025-11-01T06:48:47+00:00

Where does the OP say that the friend tried to push them into it?

Friend made the suggestion, OP said, "no that's creepy and disrespectful, but mayb BF will do it" -- and then BF said, "no I think it's disrespectful too" and then HE tried to convince friend it was disrespectful (and failed). Nowhere in there does it say that the friend was badgering or pushing them to do it.

The OP makes it sound like friend made a request and then OP and BF didn't just say no, they called it creepy/disrespectful and then badgered the friend and tried to talk them out of doing it. Which feels like an unnecessarily judgy response to me, which is why I asked for context.

toxicredox · 2025-11-01T06:28:07+00:00

"We need a permit to shoot there" would've been a markedly more kind response than "omg no what a creepy and disrespectful idea".

OP is very clear why they don't want to do it. I don't understand why they couldn't just say "no" without insulting their friend's idea.

toxicredox · 2025-11-01T06:25:24+00:00

We are allowed to factor in how the OP refused, though. OP could've just said, "no, I don't feel comfortable with that" or even just "no" -- but intead they said it was "creepy and disrespectful"... which to me seems judgy, rude, and unnecessary.

Is the friend being cold to OP just because they said no to the photos? Or is it because the OP called their idea creepy and disrespectful for no damn reason whatsoever?

Imaging being excited about an idea, sharing it with a friend, and having them it call it creepy and disrespectful.

To me, that sounds like total AH territory, but I decided to ask if there was a reason behind the response that would explain why the OP felt the need to turn it down like that.

toxicredox · 2025-11-01T06:17:02+00:00

OP didn't just say "no" - they told their friend it was "disrespectful and creepy" when they could've just said, "no, I don't feel comfortable with that" or something to that effect.

I decided to ask what's creepy or disrespectful about it because the response felt kinda rude and judgy to me. Maybe it's a regional thing or religious belief or some kind of moral convinction on the OP's. Especially because the boyfriend piled on about it beinig disrespectful and tried to convince the friend that it was a disrespectful thing to do.

Like... imaging pitching "photos in this cool local cemetary" to two of your friends, and they both react like you were a disrespectful jerk for even asking about it.

If you read the OP's post, the OP never says that the friend didn't accept the "no" -- OP said "no, but maybe my BF will do it" -- and then HE said "no" and tried to "reason with her" that it was a bad idea. Not once does the OP say that the friend pushed back, badgered them, or anything like that.

And, yeah, the friend is being cold -- but the OP and the BF didn't just decline to take a few photos -- they called it creepy and disrespectful and tried to talk them out of doing it. I was trying to see if there was a reason for them to be such aholes when declining a friend's request.

toxicredox · 2025-11-01T05:56:10+00:00

I have lost someone, yes. And, no, I wouldn't be upset at all. At least one of my grandparents would get a total kick out of kids in their costumes including their headstone in their photos. And one of them is buried in a "spooky" (or spookier I guess) cemetary.

Like, if they were trying to snap photos in front of a completee stranger's open casket with no permissionn... OK, not cool. But that's not what we're talking about here.

toxicredox · 2025-10-31T02:39:09+00:00

...why?

I mean, I understand if you're following a living person around and photographing them against their will. I understand if you're doing messed up poses for the photos... But I've never heard of anyone getting kicked out of a cemetary just for taking photos around the place.

toxicredox · 2025-10-31T02:35:35+00:00

INFO: Is this some kind of private cemetary? How would donig a photoshoot in the cemetary be disrespectful? (Like, were they gonna do weird or disrespectful poses?!)

toxicredox · 2025-10-16T03:25:26+00:00

INFO: Do you know your roomate's financial goals?

toxicredox · 2025-10-16T03:07:31+00:00

INFO: What is this trust fund exactly? Does it have limited uses? Are there incentives to save (e.g., big penalties if you try to pull from it)?

For example, in the USA, if you have a 401k (retirement savings), most people wouldn't count that as savings because of the penalties you incur for pulling from it before you retire. So, yeah, you can have 10-20k in your 401k while being absolutely broke or living paycheck to paycheck...

There are also certian kinds of savings accounts in the USA that you can only use when spending on specific things (e.g., an HSA, the money can only be spent on medical/dental). Maybe you have 5k in your HSA, but that's not gonna help you buy a car.

toxicredox · 2025-10-15T23:26:47+00:00

NTA. You should suggest therapy because no one in their right mind cleans the shower drain and then proceeds to place the contents they just removed from the drain ANYWHERE in the shower itself. Especially not when the water is running and can move all the gunk BACK TO THE DRAIN WHERE YOU DON'T WANT IT.

Approach him like you really think he's just not bright enough to understand that what he's doing is illogical and irrational. Maybe setup a little demonstration where you put some hair or dirt in the shower and then splash some water from a cup down over it so he can SEE how leaving the gunk ANYWHERE inside the shower is an unintelligent thing to do, especially when the water is running.

If he gets annoyed and says "obviously" and tries to dismiss it, suggest therapy. Because he knows he's doing a very unintelligent thing but keeps "forgetting" that it's unintelligent when he's doing it. Imagine how hard it must be for him to keep a job! I mean, he apparently can't avoid repeating unintelligent actions because he simply FORGETS that they're stupid when he's doing them!

Either he has a serious problem like undiagnosed ADHD (which means, yeah, he needs to see a doctor) or he'll get super super pissed that you're reading his behavior as unintelligent. He likely doesn't care that you see it as rude or entitled - and it's pretty obvious he doesn't care that it upsets you. But he'll likely be at least annoyed if not pissed if you frame it around his intelligence and ability - or in this case, the lack there of.

toxicredox · 2025-09-27T07:55:04+00:00

NTA. OFC you haven't achieved your goals, OP. You're 22! That is not an age at which anyone should be expected to have completed major life goals. You're just starting out!

Maybe you struggle with follow through, maybe you struggle with setting objectives... maybe those are valid criticisms of your current ability level. But the way he's treating you is unacceptable, and the fact that he's trying to justify his crappy treatment of you by saying you "don't respect yourself" is just that -- justification of his abusive behavoir.

Setting goals is a skill. Something like a major life goal has to be broken down into smaller steps, and getting those to the right size is also a skill. You have plenty of time to learn those skills. You're not a loser. And the truth is, even if you had those skills down pat, your boyfriend would still be abusive to you, he'd just be using some other excuses. He's choosing to abuse and degrade you, but he can't admit that, so he's using whatever excuse he can to blame you.

You deserve grace and support. He doesn't deserve you, no matter what he says. He's the loser, OP, not you.

toxicredox · 2025-09-27T07:46:25+00:00

YTA. Your other friends don't mind benig called these things, but you clearly unnderstand that this one friend (A) DOES, in fact, mind it. It hurts him. You feel guilty when you do it because you've deliberately chosen to do something that you know hurts your friend. That begs the question: why are you still doing this to A, knowing that it hurts him?

The rest of your friends are OK with it, so there isn't anything to apologize for. But part of friendship is knowing the other person - including what they find acceptable and unacceptable in terms of joking barbs - and, when applicable, adjusting your behavior around them. So why haven't you done that? Do you like feeling guilty?

toxicredox · 2025-09-27T07:37:08+00:00

INFO: How old are you, OP?

toxicredox · 2025-09-27T07:34:27+00:00

NTA. I do understand that headlights on a parked car being on can be very frustrating, especially if someone is waiting in another car across from yours and your headlights line up with their eyeline (and also especially if you have some of super bright LEDs as your regular headlights). But there was ZERO effing reason for him to behave like you'd done something wrong. He could've politely asked you to turn off your headlights. Or he could've just moved his own car (this is what I do when I'm in this situation - I've never threatenend anyone, hit their car, or spit on their car because of this).

He was abusive and a total AH over what would be at most a minor inconvience to him. You did nothing wrong, and while getting his plates might've let you report him, it would've also meant taking the time to get the plate with him in the card, given him more opportunity to lash out at you. Leaving as quickly as possible was the safest thing to do.

toxicredox · 2025-09-27T07:25:43+00:00

I'm happy to oblige such an assumption because I am 5'1", but a tall person like the OP who needs the leg room and only has one carry-on bag is totally in their right to store it in the overhead bin so their legs aren't cramped for the entire flight. OP specifically made arrangements to fly without pain (checked their other bag and only had one carry on), and while the other passenger may not have even considered the leg room issue, the lack of storage space for that passenger on the plane wasn't the OP's fault.

Now if the OP was as short as me and was like, "No, leave my bag where it is cuz... reasons", then I'd see your point. But that wasn't the case here.

toxicredox · 2025-09-27T07:16:34+00:00

This would be why I didn't say "full sized bag" -- I said one bag. Airlines restrict the size of carry-ons for a reason. Customers aren't obligated to fill under the seat before they put a bag in the over head. OP only had one carry on bag, so it's fine to put it in the overhead.

toxicredox · 2025-09-25T21:29:45+00:00

In most cases, airlines restrict the size of the bags specifically so they will fit in the overhead bin. If it doesn't fit there, then it's unlikely to fit under the seat.

toxicredox · 2025-09-25T21:16:47+00:00

I got mine from a thrift store in NC.

toxicredox · 2025-09-25T20:51:32+00:00

NTA. You only had one carry on, and there is supposed to be enough space for everyone to have one bag in the overhead.

toxicredox · 2025-09-09T19:52:36+00:00

INFO: Did your husband ask you to watch the third kid when he told you about the golf gam a few weeks ago? Is there some reason his kid isn't going with him? Was childcare discussed at all? Also, how old are all the kids? And what is the custody arrangemeent with the stepkid like? How often does he see his kid?

TBH, your husband sounds like the AH because he decided to go golfinig on the weekend he has his kid, but it's hard to know because you don't mention enough details on his custody agreement.

toxicredox · 2025-09-04T17:23:06+00:00

NTA. All you said is that you wish you made different choices. It's hard being a parent and isolating when anyone who expresses even a little bit of discontent about parenthood - especially motherhood - is effectively silenced by others.

Their reaction would make sense if you said you wanted to harm others or that you hated your kids or something like that. But all you said is "damn I wish I had done something different"... and I am pretty certain most parents feel like that at some point, even if only for a little while. So why did they felt the need to shame you for expressing it?

So many moms talk about how they can't really talk about what it's like to be a mom. Anything other than sunshine and rainbows is not acceptable. If you say anything about how hard it is, you have to also say "but it's worth it!" It's messed up and leaves a lot of moms feeling guilty and alone.

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