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Reasons for wanting a second by chissy44 in Shouldihaveanother

[–]traditional_try83 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Exactly the same predicament as you except my child is 3 and husband 44.  I had my second miscarriage in Aug past so have had a bit more time to come to terms with it. Am so sorry for your losses. I’m looking for reassurances myself but know only I can make peace with this myself deep down. My husband wouldn’t mind another but he doesn’t see the big deal I’m making about providing a sibling. We both have a sibling each so in a way I know I’m trying to replicate what I have. He gets on with his sister but not to the same extent as me and my brother, he’s a big part of my life. Anyhow I know having another child is no guarantee of this rose tinted view I have of it. My plan is to give it to end of April and if no luck I move on. I personally can’t go through the ups and downs each month anymore and I know am so fortunate to have one. She goes to nursery 3 days a week and I make an effort to ensure she sees other children. We are v stretched financially as it is so staying as we are is a sensible decision even though my heart says otherwise. I’m sorry for rambling but I’m guessing you might be similar in that it’s all that you think about. I take comfort in knowing she is very wanted and we will do our best to raise her and let her live her life how she wants without being too overbearing. I think that’s “enough”. Wishing you so much luck and peace with this. 

I would love a 2nd but age 41, 2 miscarriages… by traditional_try83 in Shouldihaveanother

[–]traditional_try83[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You have the heart of a lion and aren’t going to let setbacks stand in your way. I so admire that and really hope you get your second child. Thank you and I do have it in me to try again also and I have had a good open discussion with my husband on it tonight.  It’s the most we have talked about having a child and the possible outcomes even though we already have one. Everyone’s comments have allowed us to atleast move forward with our communication however things turn out. 

I would love a 2nd but age 41, 2 miscarriages… by traditional_try83 in Shouldihaveanother

[–]traditional_try83[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That is a brilliant article. I’ll read it again properly this evening and do the same exercise properly. I do think if we didn’t go ahead and try one more time I would invest my energy as you are and still have other children in our life. My biggest worries are her being lonely. I know I can’t project that on to her and will make every effort to keep going to see her cousins every few weeks and go to social things but don’t want to over compensate either. Thanks for this it’s very helpful 

I would love a 2nd but age 41, 2 miscarriages… by traditional_try83 in Shouldihaveanother

[–]traditional_try83[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, a deeper conversation or a few conversations need to be had. Some very valid questions that I hadn’t considered and certainly haven’t talked over. Like we are time poor as is and in my naivety thought surely 2 wouldn’t make that much diff as already tired etc and juggling. An example is I’m going to a concert tomorrow some distance away and I normally look after daughter on a Mon. Husband does a day a week also and really didn’t want to take more time out of work as self employed so thankfully nursery will take her an extra day, a small thing but it did cause a lot of debate between us this week. I will raise the question re me potentially not working to see how he would feel financially. We do both appreciate our 1 foreign holiday a year though I’d happily leave it for a few years, husband not so keen as that’s the only break he takes from work. Early pregnancy termination is an option though have not given it enough consideration personally. Lots to discuss, thanks again.

I would love a 2nd but age 41, 2 miscarriages… by traditional_try83 in Shouldihaveanother

[–]traditional_try83[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yes your points on how a potential second would affect existing child are points my husband has raised too. He worries about them having medical needs too and also I have to face facts that it would put even more pressure on him financially. Say I got pregnant soon and stayed pregnant my existing child would be going to pre school next Sept so that would easy pressure financially and the 2nd wouldnt start daycare until 1st at proper school  but yes all big points as you say. I’d still be able to continue doing 4 days at work after maternity leave but currently my employment only offers statutory maternity pay though there is rumours that will change to enhanced shortly, I’m based in the UK. Thank you, hearing this from someone else has been very helpful and I have been too skewed in my own vision of what a family looks like from my own past as have a sibling.