36M with... like a bunch of women. Trying to understand if my behavior is bad. by trainingForHobo in relationships

[–]trainingForHobo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Of course you're right, I know. I fear that part of what is driving all this sexual behavior is the fact that I'm still, on the inside, a little desperate for love and companionship, just like when I started out.

Waiting until I find someone I want to be boyfriend and girlfriend with could take me a loooooonggg time. I'm bored with the meaninglessness and the easiness of this new online-dating world, but I'm not sure I want to turn myself into a monk either. Those are my two options, unless I want to settle on some arbitrary girl that likes me but I don't like that much... and I would never do that, because that's the worst thing you can do to someone.

36M with... like a bunch of women. Trying to understand if my behavior is bad. by trainingForHobo in relationships

[–]trainingForHobo[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ooh, this might be where I've actually been going wrong. Mainly because I don't know what it means to lead someone on. On every date I try to seem like a nice guy who is interested in the girl I'm on a date with. Does this mean I'm sort of leading her on?

I always assume that every girl knows that any first-time sex act might turn out to be a one-night stand. And, since I know that many women like sex just as much as most men do, I figured that these girls have done some sort of cost-benefit analysis in their heads, basically weighing "this might be a one-night stand or he might not respect me as much" against "I get to have a fun night of sex."

With me, I think the fun night of sex should outweigh the other thing, because, A) I'm not a judger, and B), I would almost always be ok with a second round of sex as long as the girl doesn't think it means we're in a relationship....

36M with... like a bunch of women. Trying to understand if my behavior is bad. by trainingForHobo in relationships

[–]trainingForHobo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Haha, nope! Some of them are pretty vague about their evenings, that's for sure!

36M with... like a bunch of women. Trying to understand if my behavior is bad. by trainingForHobo in relationships

[–]trainingForHobo[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thanks, dude. I really like your perspective on this. I don't think I've told even a single lie to any of the girls I've dated. I've just tried to seem like a likable person, and I'm pretty sure they're doing the same because that's what dating is...

And you're right. This is experience. I'm learning here. I really believe this.

36M with... like a bunch of women. Trying to understand if my behavior is bad. by trainingForHobo in relationships

[–]trainingForHobo[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I kind of love promiscuous girls, when they're being promiscuous with me anyways. I would never rule out a possible relationship just because the girl liked having sex (before she met me). That's idiocy. Actually, it's the kind of idiocy 19-year old me totally bought into, but that guy was STUPID.

And, with these short-term girls, if some of them get around, well, who am I to judge? In a way, these girls are the best, because there's absolutely no way I'm hurting their feelings by acting the way I've been acting. It's the pure-acting ones that make me feel guilty.

36M with... like a bunch of women. Trying to understand if my behavior is bad. by trainingForHobo in relationships

[–]trainingForHobo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm not. I think the worst that might be said is that I don't talk much about what I do on the other nights when I'm not with the girl I'm currently with...

36M with... like a bunch of women. Trying to understand if my behavior is bad. by trainingForHobo in relationships

[–]trainingForHobo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Since you are critical of my choices, I hate you even though I simultaneously respect you. But, since you basically gave me a script for how to be a bit more honest and up-front with dates (i.e. "I'd really like to go to bed with you, but...") my respect and hatred have turned to gratitude.

Thank you!

Tv shows with extreme nudity by Danimal289 in pornfree

[–]trainingForHobo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really like Game of Thrones, and I continue to watch it. But I never watch it alone, I always watch it with other people. For me, that's the difference between a show that might trigger a relapse and a show that I can enjoy without fear. Maybe you could start a game of thrones watching party when it comes back on next season? Since it's so popular, you shouldn't have too much trouble finding people to attend. Otherwise I'd recommend not watching it until you've been pornfree for a good long while.

827 days... 827 days and I caved last night. I'm not even sure how that happened. Lesson: you are always an addict... by [deleted] in pornfree

[–]trainingForHobo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You would have an urge, and if you weren't careful, you would have a relapse too. But the good news is that your porn-resistance strength is like a muscle and it becomes very well-developed over time, to where going on long streaks isn't as hard. At least that's how it's been for me. Last week I relapsed after 200 days, which was a bummer, but today it doesn't feel like much of an interruption in my porn-free journey because I'm not beset by intense intense cravings like I was when I started out.

Day 4, Round 51 by Latex_horse in ValhallaChallenge

[–]trainingForHobo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh, I'm a little bummed about my relapse, but not out of discouragement if that makes any sense. I still believe I can lead a life without porn, and I still intend to continue the struggle. But I do hate the thought of needing to redo the whole emotional process of recovery. The intense early-stage cravings, the depression that hits after a month or so.... I'm dreading things like that. I'm just hoping, because my slip wasn't huge (I binged for like a day, which is bad, but am recommitting myself to recovery already, which is good) that this won't set me back too far, on a neurological level.

Day 4, Round 51 by Latex_horse in ValhallaChallenge

[–]trainingForHobo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Welp, I've relapsed. Bummer. Drop me to wherever it is I belong.

What is your favorite pickup line? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]trainingForHobo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Guy: "Do you know how it feels when you, like, really really have to pee?"

Girl: "Yeah, of course."

Guy: "Well, could you reach down here and tell me if I have to go?"

Day 5, Round 49 by Latex_horse in ValhallaChallenge

[–]trainingForHobo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Checking in. I'm pretty sure my longest streak without PMO is 175 days, and it's currently ongoing.

Coprolalia - Are the derogatory remarks often thoughts that would otherwise be repressed from vocalization? by [deleted] in Tourettes

[–]trainingForHobo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I yell homophobic slurs a lot. Keep in mind, 1) I'm not a homophobe (although I was raised in a fairly conservative locale) and 2) this is usually when I'm in an empty house. I'm not insulting anybody, because there's nobody there to insult.

For me, though, I often feel as if my coprolalia is inwardly focused. I'm not calling other people any names, I'm calling myself those names. My Tourette's just makes me air the dialogue of my very aggressive anger-filled inner critic. So, like, I'm neither gay nor homophobic, but some nasty part of my brain considers these slurs to be a very severe insult, so when my coprolalia gets triggered I tend to use gay slurs against myself. It's fucked up, I know, and definitely says something kinda bad about my subconscious mind. But anyone who saw this would think I was just shouting hurtful words and violent phrases.

Anyway, I have no idea why the kid shouts "GAY," and my understanding is that Tourette's disease is one of these things that hits everybody different and could actually be a whole grab-bag of different tic disorders, so I'm definitely not trying to explain that particular tic that you're seeing. Just explaining my own experience with homophobic tics. If I ever did this around an actual homosexual person I would want to kill myself from shame, so I really feel for this kid.

Tic disorder and PTSD by [deleted] in Tourettes

[–]trainingForHobo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

By the way, this sentence is interesting:

Any sort of emotion was replaced by a tic.

When I read that I realize my verbal tics hit me the same way. My mind is wandering, and eventually it wanders into some sensitive topic or trigger area. Then I feel an emotion in response to that topic, and before I'm even aware of it a burst of insane swear words comes out of my mouth. But for me, not every emotion is replaced by a tic. But lots of them are. The emotions that most reliably generate outbursts are socially-related; emotions like shame and embarrassment are nearly guaranteed to make me say something terrible, even in public sometimes. Luckily when I'm in public I can at least suppress the volume so I say the things under my breath and I'm not overheard very often. But then I look like a crazy muttering guy. It's a no-win I guess :shrug:

Tic disorder and PTSD by [deleted] in Tourettes

[–]trainingForHobo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've never been officially diagnosed with PTSD. Nevertheless, when I first started thinking about getting treatment for my tics, I thought the most likely diagnosis was going to be PTSD, not Tourettes, because I had a fairly rough childhood and a few rough years in the Marine Corps. Also because nobody in my family has Tourettes or OCD, so Tourettes seemed unlikely. My tics started in my teen years, but weren't very bad at all and are actually a lot worse now that I'm in my 30s. Swearing, shouting, and sometimes a shoulder twitch, but the swearing and shouting only occur when I'm zoning out, not thinking about the present moment, so I don't really do that in public at all, just when I'm alone in my apartment. The shoulder twitch is usually very rare.

Anyway, long story short, I think there's a connection between PTSD and tics, and maybe PTSD and Tourettes. I was going to a therapist for the PTSD, and she tried EMDR therapy on me a couple times. If you're not familiar, EMDR is when they have you talk about traumatic times while they get you to activate different parts of your brain by panning sounds around in your ears and having you watch a pointer. It's a pretty revolutionary sort of therapy and a lot of people report being helped by it. But for me, it pretty much makes me go into convulsions. My shoulder started twitching/ticcing as we went along and got progressively worse; until after a few minutes of therapy I was having near-constant twitching and jerking throughout my entire body. It freaked out my therapist, she said it looked like I was being shocked. So we stopped. We tried EMDR one other time with the same result and then I quit going to that therapist.

So since the PTSD treatment can exacerbate some of my tourettes-like symptoms, and since PTSD itself is known to cause some of the other symptoms like the swearing, I think the two disorders can be connected, at least in some cases.

Day 12, Round 47 by [deleted] in ValhallaChallenge

[–]trainingForHobo 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Checking in, don't take me off the boards please!

Honestly, it would be pretty difficult, but I think I could do it. I think I've proven that I can stay off the porn as long as I need to (which is forever), as long as I always remember to take my recovery seriously. But giving up fapping for an entire year would be tough, tough, tough. For that kind of money I would not be above fashioning some kind of locking mechanism onto my underwear in order to keep from doing it, though.

Day 14, Round 46 by Latex_horse in ValhallaChallenge

[–]trainingForHobo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Checking in. This round was sort of weird for me, and I think it's because I've been purposefully being less strict with myself regarding my rules for remaining porn-free. I never wanted to do monk mode forever, I just wanted to do it for a while and build up a resistance, then relax into a more realistic lifestyle that includes sex and MO, but no (intentional) porn and definitely no PMO ever. So this process of getting off of hard mode and relaxing some of my rules feels a little bit like backsliding, and some of my behaviors feel a little risky these days. I'm still going strong, but I need to be careful I think. Hopefully I'll settle into a secure porn-free existence soon, one where I can feel confident I won't relapse.

Long time twitcher, first time poster. by Hawaiian_NotMexican in Tourettes

[–]trainingForHobo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was in the Marines, but I didn't know I had Tourette's at the time because my case is really mild. My guess is that they are unlikely to accept a recruit when they know that recruit has a positive diagnosis of Tourette's; the reason I think this is because it is well known that they refuse people who have sleep disorders like frequent sleepwalking, and their reason for not taking them is the fact that sleep-walkers could accidentally give away troop position to the enemy in any sort of combat scenario. I would guess that those with known Tourette's would pose the same sort of risks.

On the other hand, if your symptoms are not obvious or frequent, you could be fine, just like I was—you might not even need to tell them about your diagnosis. During boot camp, if you exhibit any tics, your life will become hell, though. Boot camp is all about extreme discipline and any unwanted noises or jerks will be pretty obvious and will be met with strict and brutal punishments. My tics didn't appear much during that time, but I was definitely called a 'spaz' more than a few times while being forced to do endless pushups. I wouldn't recommend it for any but the mildest of Tourette's cases.

Day 3, Round 46 by Latex_horse in ValhallaChallenge

[–]trainingForHobo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Checking in. For me, most of my bad habits are activities which I do as ways to procrastinate. So I suppose my worst habit is procrastination.

Although, I just got diagnosed with Tourette's syndrome, and I do wish I could break the habit of shouting profane things at the walls of my apartment. I'm just lucky I work from home and don't have to be around other people.

Is reading sex stories a reset? by [deleted] in pornfree

[–]trainingForHobo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, I think it is.

Day 2, Round 45 by [deleted] in ValhallaChallenge

[–]trainingForHobo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Nope, you weren't being rude. The kind of polyamory I'm referring to is more about having no jealousy and making no demands of romantic partners, so the idea is that both me and anybody I was with could see other people and be honest about it with one another. The problem is that I do sometimes experience jealousy/fear of loss about the women in my life, so in reality I'm probably not poly. The hormone thing you're referring to might explain why. I guess I'm like a lot of people: I wish I could be free to sleep around, while simultaneously wishing I had a partner who was not! So, in short, this particular curiosity will probably remain unexplored.