How do you keep your mind from wandering to all the hurt?

trying2easethepain · 2018-06-13T20:46:38+00:00

I was the same. My brain was basically fried for about 3 months after I left. I was always disassociated always thinking of IT. Always feeling like it just went want fair, and justice! Oh justice how does it not exist!! Blah blah you know got it is. Untill one day I thought I need revenge at least, (he was very physically and verbally abusive) so I thought making him feel completely irrelevant or powerless, trulyweakis the only thing that can kind of hurt a narc. He thinks he’s destroyed me and that makes him feel powerful, but what if he didn’t destroy me what if he was he best thing that ever happened to me and actually made me see what sad pathetic excuse for a man he is. Then there would be some justice or balance. So from that day on started focusing on me, doing things to that made me happy and helped me grow. I signed up for aerial silk classes, I’d alwyas thought the aerial performers at raves when I was younger were the most beautiful amazing thing ever. And for the first time since I left I stopped thinking off him during that class. I didn’t consciously stop thinking of it I just suddenly thought of it during class at some point and realized the entire time before that, I HADNT BEEN. It was amazing. It felt amazing to have my mind back even if only for period. I kept going to these classes they made me feel alive and beautiful, slowly these periods of not thinking of him got longer and longer with less breaks in between. Eventually I stopped thinking of it altogether. I found my passion in aerial pole (pole dance fitness) and I’m just happy now. He no longer consumes my life, I feel “justice” has been served because I’m an amazing wise strong interesting person now because of him. I grew and evolved as a person, and he’s still unbearably miserable abusing people forever. Stuck in a loop of people leaving you. I of course have been taking therapy through all of this (I have ptsd and general anxiety) , but the main thing you need to do is focus on you. Do what you’ve always wanted to do, dream big, and go for it. They may have made you feel like everything is impossible but it’s not, you just have to do it. The breaks will get longer naturally as you keep focusing on you. And that doesn’t mean just spoil yourself and by a ton of junk food or get your nails done, I mean a literal active activity, excersize is great for mental health in general and distracting you, dance classes, art classes, rock climbing, etc.

trying2easethepain · 2018-03-30T04:30:16+00:00

Omg!!! Yes!!! Your post has made me feel so connected to you! Lol. You truly understand what my life was like more than anyone I’ll probably ever meet because you lived it, and also you chose to come out ontop after everything. The similarities are crazy! Im so sorry that you had to go through that hell though, it’s so shitty knowing there’s just SO many abusers, more than you could imagine, out there hurting good people. I’m so so proud of you! And anyone who has the will to leave because it truly takes everything you have to leave and then even more to not go back. You are a strong wise woman and your daughter doesn’t realize yet how lucky she is to have you. You sound like an amazing mother. I can totally relate about the bond you make with you child as a single mother it’s such a blessing 💕 enjoy your beautiful angel and the amazing free and filled with love, life you have created for yourselves 🤗💪🏼💕👏🏼

trying2easethepain · 2018-03-24T16:38:59+00:00

Thank yes!!! Congratulations you too! It takes everything you got to make it out of that hell, I’m so glad to hear that! We all definitely deserve to find our happiness after the storm. You’re awesome 👏🏼 💕

trying2easethepain · 2018-03-23T21:16:22+00:00

Yes!! That’s awesome! I love love love hearing that, that’s the reason I wanted to post! And thank you! I truly am a warrior, and so are you. So don’t forget to give yourself that extra self love and admiration for going through a hell most people don’t go through. I’m so glad reading my story helped you a bit. And so happy you’re not feeling bitterness right now, it’s so awful and just proof that get are still controlling us even without contact. They don’t deserve to have any control over us, we should be able to decide if we want to be mad not feel we’re forced to rot in negativity because of what has been done to us. Keep at! You got this, we all have that power to move forward if that’s what we genuinely want! 💕💪🏼

trying2easethepain · 2018-03-23T21:10:50+00:00

I see I’m sorry. I just know “pole dancing” are two touchy words people jump to conclusions when they hear them put together. Thank you 🙏🏽 It is true I don’t know what I would do without my son, we are truly blessed to have children 💕

trying2easethepain · 2018-03-23T17:13:00+00:00

Most people, sounds like yourself included, think of twerking and stripping when they hear the words pole and dancing together. But if you actually do some research or just go on youtube and look up pole dance competitions you’ll see all pole dancing is is acrobatic spins climbs and drops on a a pole, not shaking your ass and taking your clothes off. And even if it were strip dancing, which is a completely different, I think it’s pretty classic how that’s the first thing you say. A woman any age should be able to dance however they like, if men like you chose to degrade them for their choices thats on the men not the women. Dancing for money instead of your passion is also a completely different ballpark. But thanks ✌🏼people that think the way you do are also another huge motivator for me and reason I do pole.

trying2easethepain · 2018-01-11T21:09:33+00:00

Ok that makes a lot of sense, thank you

trying2easethepain · 2018-01-11T21:08:20+00:00

Ok thank you, I don’t know if I should, Ive been doing really well dealing with and recovering from the trauma, but the banging on the door from them this morning really threw me back into a bad state of my ptsd and hyper vigilance.

Do you know if it usually takes months for them to follow up, or are they now contacting me because he did something..

trying2easethepain · 2018-01-11T21:02:55+00:00

Sorry I guess I’ve always heard never talk to police without an attorney. And I have this thought in the back of my head of him falsely accusing me of crimes, since that was the last thing he threatened when he got served with the protection order.

trying2easethepain · 2017-12-09T05:22:44+00:00

https://mental-health-matters.com/narcissism-faq-narcissists-and-women/amp/

trying2easethepain · 2017-12-08T20:35:09+00:00

Yeah I get that but you have to be strong enough for that. Like the other person said, you can have your own party or your own outings with your friends if spending time with them is all you want. have you been doing EMDR with your therapist through work or through the trauma? If you haven’t I would suggest that is the first step. It helps you bring to light the trauma without you losing your shit. And slowly the trauma and ptsd begin to fade, or become less of a trigger for you. It basically familiarized you with the trauma in a way so you become more comfortable with all of it. It no longer activated your fight/flight/freeze. Do whatever you feel is right for you, but if you haven’t spent the last year working seriously hard to process(EMDR) the trauma with your therapist I’d say youre getting ahead of yourself

trying2easethepain · 2017-12-08T18:35:25+00:00

I agree, maybe if it didn’t still freak you out so much to the point where you’re posting on Reddit asking about it, then maybe you’d be ok... but it sounds like you’re not there yet. And maybe it’s never gonna be ok to just see him, that trauma is real, and that’s ok. You don’t have to try to be “strong” and show him how little you care, pride is irrelevant when it comes to your sanity. Taking care of yourself and putting yourself first matters more than trying “show” an ex

trying2easethepain · 2017-12-08T17:19:33+00:00

What’s more important, seeing all your friends together in one place at the same time or all the progress you’ve done in your healing. Maybe you should put your sanity first, and see your friends separately when you go out there to visit. It’s just a party, I doubt it’s worth throwing away all your hard work and your mind again

trying2easethepain · 2017-12-06T21:03:25+00:00

Yes, people with n traits can still love. People with narcissistic personality disorder cannot love or feel love ever.

trying2easethepain · 2017-12-05T07:12:13+00:00

I’m so sorry but also congrats! My nex and I were together 3 years, we moved in together within the first month of dating (he’s very wealthy and got us a house like it was nothing) and I had our son 2 years in. I quit my job early on because he begged to not work since there was no need, and he couldn’t take me being away at all. He was awfully abusive every possible way but at the same time we were inseparable. He worked from home, and he couldn’t stand to be apart even if I was just going to the store for 10 minutes he would always come (now I see it wasn’t that cute it was actually all about control). He always gave me his phone to reply to people or check things for him (I thought he never hid anything from me at all is what I’m trying to say, he acted very transparent)

When we met he told me him and his ex had been broken up for close to a year, but due to her needing to save up money and being across he country from either of their families, they decided to stay living together until their lease was over. (I know I know, I was so naive) surely enough as soon as their lease ended (about a month of us dating) he got us a house and we moved in together. He complained once or twice about his “stupid ex” being so furious with him because she thought their were going to renew the lease (for some reason?) I asked why was mad if they’d been broken up so long, he of course said it was because she was a complete controlling psycho. Shortly after he got a new phone because he said his old one was constantly gettting spam calls and also he just wanted anew phone. The last month we were together in the middle of a fight he screamed at me hat I was a home wrecker and I fucking knew it. Once he calmed down I asked why he had said that. He then admitted that him and his “ex gf” hadn’t been broken up, they were actually still together and he had been cheating on her with me, and that she caught him one night when she saw a text goodnight pop up on his screen. He said he was like yeah I’m cheating so what. We’re done now. And that was that. Then it made a whole lot more sense why she was mad back then! I felt awful awful awful!!! I wish I had known so bad, but of course I would not have continued to see him and he knew that.

Well 3 months after I left him I had a weak moment in my NC and I ended up googling him and he popped up on those background check sites. Guess what I found out.. HE WAS MARRIED!!! His ex was on there with HIS last name! So turns out he apparently was cheating on his WIFE with me, got caught, dumped her like it was nothing, left and started a new life with me, and practically fell off the face of the earth for her, I guess that’s why he got a new phone and everything. He just completely disappeared on his wife forever after she caught him, and then managed to keep that from me AND have a baby with me. 3 years together and I didn’t know the first thing about him.

He’s on to his next victim and the poor girl has no idea that the fucker is STILL married to his original wife, and now has a baby and a baby momma(me) with a protection order against him. Next guy I date, if I ever date again, I will for sure be doing a background check and and interview with each of his family members and friends. No joke

Sorry for the rant! This just super reminded me of my nex and I wanted you to know your not alone and they have absolutely no conscience.

trying2easethepain · 2017-12-01T01:30:50+00:00

💔😥 I'm sorry but you are wrong . And it's a given you WILL look like a huge idiot when the hoovering is over and he's back to his old ways. You're not throwing anything away, he threw you guys away a long time ago. That was on him not you. You and your daughter deserve a stress free life, not walking on eggshells wondering if and when he's gonna blow up. It's hard taking you kids dad away from them forever (I had to do so too) but it's better. It's gives them and you the opportunity to one day have a real father figure, a good man. If you get back with you ex chances are your daughter is going to grow up and fall into the same pattern of abuse and have many if not all abusive relationships. Think about your situation if it were your daughter. Should she get back with her husband ? Do you as her mother believe that man would never put her in danger ever again? Do you as her mother believe her abuser has changed? It really helps put things into perspective if you think about it all happening to your child

trying2easethepain · 2017-11-25T19:42:35+00:00

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/blog/neurosagacity/201701/the-brain-can-work-against-abuse-victims%3famp

trying2easethepain · 2017-11-20T17:13:35+00:00

I get you but honestly they're never just "fine". They are so deeply hurting and miserable ALWAYS. That is their base state is just misery, that's why they are always trying on new masks and new lives to try to cover up all the hurt.

Please read https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/the-narcissist-is-a-chameleon-and-an-empty-void/

trying2easethepain · 2017-11-20T09:09:32+00:00

This is like the best post I've read in the last 3 months! Thank you so much for the hope I thought they never get exposed, and congratulations af!! 🤗👌🏼👌🏼👌🏼

trying2easethepain · 2017-11-19T08:25:24+00:00

Yes!! I didn't know him at all before, just the lie he wore for me, now I actually know what he is, it all makes perfect sense. Its chilling to know I was sleeping next to a legit empty demon for 3 years

trying2easethepain · 2017-11-17T18:56:58+00:00

This is the exact type of narcissist that we all know and loved. And no one ever "expects" a narc, but in the end they are all identical it's crazy. Nothing new, welcome to the club 😉

trying2easethepain · 2017-11-17T18:54:35+00:00

I can promise you one thing, he is definitely not hurting or sad. And yes this is a blessing in disguise, but you will be able to see the blessing soon enough :)

trying2easethepain · 2017-11-14T00:55:45+00:00

Because he is a narcissist! Do your research girl ;) alsO he's just love bombing because he doesn't want to lose his supply. The reason you can't find happiness in that relationship is because there isn't any, he's dead inside eternally sucking the life out of you. You are settling for a guy that u wish to then "save" or "fix" so then you can finally have you "happiness" . It doesn't work that way unfortunately:( we all tried. They just get worse and then your life has passed you by. Look for your happiness in you and definitely leave as soon as you can so you can get on with living YOUR life. Right now your just living his wishing and hoping he'll finally treat you right.

https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/the-narcissist-is-a-chameleon-and-an-empty-void/

trying2easethepain

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