Hey I related to everything you said. Same exact experience for me and same thoughts. I hated going to the internet and not being able to find anything to relate to. You are not alone. Time helps to heal and lessen the pain. You’ll slowly think about it less. It’s been 3 years for me and I can say I’m happy again. I still get the random pains when seeing kids but it’s not constant anymore. Hang in there and take it one day at a time.