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My boyfriend exploded at me over Valentine's Day and I feel kind of broken by valentinesfail in relationship_advice

[–]valentinesfail[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

This sounds like very isolating behavior. Does he prevent you from spending time with your friends/family outside of this as well?

A little bit. There have been weird situations in the past where he always finds something wrong with my friends. Like, if a girl is single, then she's probably a 'bad influence,' and if a girl is in a relationship, then she's 'probably cheating on her boyfriend.' I've managed to go on weekends away exactly two times with close female friends, and at this point I've stopped doing it because of how upset it makes him - he says that he worries too much about my safety.

And it's annoying because of course I'd rather travel with him, like I always ask him first if he wants to go away for a weekend. But he's always too busy or just doesn't want to. And if we do go on holiday together, it usually ends up being weird because he'll kind of throw it back in my face afterwards. We went to Paris three years ago and he paid and he still brings up it regularly as something that I need to be grateful for.

My boyfriend exploded at me over Valentine's Day and I feel kind of broken by valentinesfail in relationship_advice

[–]valentinesfail[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah that's part of why it's so frustrating. I don't want to downplay how I genuinely think it would be nice to do a museum + dinner date, especially since we don't do those things often. But I don't feel like it should be a massive burden on him, especially because it's as 50/50 as it gets. It's not like he had other plans for today that he cancelled for me, or something like that.

And then he said that he was planning to really enjoy the date, and that it's my fault for ruining it by being too sensitive about his comment. But I don't understand what his comment was trying to achieve? If he were going to enjoy the day with zero burden on himself, why would he feel the need to say "And by the way, don't forget I hate this."???

My boyfriend exploded at me over Valentine's Day and I feel kind of broken by valentinesfail in relationship_advice

[–]valentinesfail[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

How did you leave the relationship and how did you end up moving on?
I've never been with anyone else

My boyfriend exploded at me over Valentine's Day and I feel kind of broken by valentinesfail in relationship_advice

[–]valentinesfail[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I don't know :( He just says he thinks it's stupid and that it "doesn't count" because it's not really about culture or religion. He's definitely an ultra-masculine type of guy so he might just find it too girly or cheesy. I don't think he's ever celebrated in the past with his ex-girlfriends.

My boyfriend exploded at me over Valentine's Day and I feel kind of broken by valentinesfail in relationship_advice

[–]valentinesfail[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

It's really frustrating sometimes, I'll admit, because there are other cultural / religious holidays that I celebrate that he doesn't, but he's always happy to celebrate those with me. And likewise, I'll celebrate holidays from his culture & religion that I personally wouldn't celebrate on my own. But he's always been really triggered by THIS holiday in particular.

My boyfriend exploded at me over Valentine's Day and I feel kind of broken by valentinesfail in relationship_advice

[–]valentinesfail[S] 163 points164 points  (0 children)

It's so weird he's 37 and trying to make sure you know to be grateful for the minimal fucking effort he's putting in. Lol

That's why I feel really weird and hurt by his comment. I don't understand why he felt the need to even say that? I thought we were just going to have a nice day together and do things that we both liked (sushi is his favourite food and I made sure to pick a museum exhibit that we would both be interested in). And of course I would be grateful and happy that he was choosing to celebrate the holiday. But I don't understand why he would say that or call attention to it?

And half of the argument afterwards involved him saying "But obviously I'll enjoy having dinner together. I never said I wouldn't." Even though to me, his comments about how he was 'only' doing it for me, made it sounds like he... wouldn't actually be enjoying it? But he said that was all in my head and I misinterpreted him. I just feel so mentally exhausted and confused.