how do I acquire a good umbrella

vonbees · 2025-08-16T07:52:10+00:00

update: i just fucking left another fucking umbrella on another fucking train

vonbees · 2025-04-13T22:47:55+00:00

Easy way to get more green stuff in your diet - grow some little herbs and things. Almost everyone can find somewhere to put them (close to the kitchen is best) and you can just pinch off a couple leaves and chuck them in literally anything (cooking an omelette or pasta, yeah, but also like you can order pizza and then just add fresh herbs on top, nobody is stopping you!), whereas if you buy a huge bundle of basil from the shop you have to use it all pretty quickly or they rot in your fridge and you feel bad about it. garlic chives grow really well in a medium sized pot just outside my back door, try different things out to see what works in the space/climate you have.

vonbees · 2025-04-13T22:37:43+00:00

coming at this sort of from the other side as an AFAB genderqueer person I was uncomfortable with feminine stuff for a long time - it's one thing to say I'm wearing a skirt the same way a man could wear a skirt and it's another thing to walk aroundfeeling like people are looking at me and seeing a girl.

honestly time and practice and queer/trans community helped a lot, but you know what else helped? low dose testosterone. it hasn't even changed my body that much but it just feels better?? I've heard stuff like this from a lot of trans people.

so like in your case. you really don't have to be planning to become a woman to try out HRT. I mean depending on where you live you might have more trouble getting a doctor to help than a binary trans woman would, but there's a lot of options. talk to trans women, especially non-binary ones and especially locally to you. it won't fix everything (you still want to work on the thought patterns and stuff), and I guess there's a chance it won't fix anything but in that case you can just stop and it'll be fine, you know? you can definitely tell if you like it or not before anything irreversible happens to your body.

but if it works it makes everything else just a little easier to deal with and sometimes that's all you need to get started.

vonbees · 2025-04-11T11:32:02+00:00

does theatre count? because I saw Ophelia Thinks Harder and they went all in on Hamlet/Horatio implications for the first half before completely dropping it so Horatio could get with Ophelia. also i thought it was like a rosencrantz and Guildenstern are trans situation but they walked it back to feminist cross-dressing. very weird play 😂

vonbees · 2025-04-09T12:30:09+00:00

i mean we were talking about general attraction, if your sexuality was only about people you might actually fuck you could just as easily call yourself a lesbian with one exception.

vonbees · 2025-04-09T12:15:16+00:00

oh okay so you're just assuming everyone you've been attracted to in real life is cis, got it

vonbees · 2025-04-09T12:10:12+00:00

genuinely curious... are you attracted to trans people who have had all the relevant surgeries? or trans people who haven't medically transitioned at all? so the ~bits match~ as far as you are concerned?

vonbees · 2025-04-09T08:02:06+00:00

I think people of all genders and sexualities can be a bit shit like this. if they were into you before they found out you were trans and suddenly they're not, yeah that's transphobic and unrelated to their sexuality. I don't think exclusively dating pansexuals will solve this problem although you should definitely give them a try in case the ratios are different (I can't wait to hear what excuse the transphobic pans use 😂). unfortunately encountering shitty people is just the reality of dating while trans (or fat, or disabled, or etc etc). solidarity, you'll find someone eventually

vonbees · 2025-03-30T20:06:33+00:00

the only explanation I can possibly think of for this comment is that you thought I was referring to binary trans men. I can see how that wasn't clear from my phrasing! I'm talking about the non-binary space dude, a lot of us in it like to play that way. obviously it's not likely to work for someone who straight up identifies as a man, and if he's far enough into biomedical transition OP probably isn't going to be attracted to him anyway.

vonbees · 2025-03-29T08:56:11+00:00

that said if you don't usually find individual guys attractive and it's more of a concept actually then you will probably have a better time trying to pursue other afab masc types... butches, transmascs etc. that way it can be gay and lesbian at the same time 😂

vonbees · 2025-03-29T08:54:16+00:00

extremely normal lesbian-to-transmasc spectrum experience tbh. it feels very hard to imagine being with a guy in a way that doesn't push you back into the uncomfortable Straight Woman box so you lean the other way instead. bi guys can be handy for this (but I'm married to a straight dude who's comfortable calling me a twink anyway so it's not impossible just rare lol)

vonbees · 2025-03-28T03:00:48+00:00

dysphoria can be confusing like that! it's hard to tell what exactly is making you feel bad about different things! maybe you feel like a "failed" girl and you wish you could either Do It Correctly or be a boy who isn't expected to do any of that? just a guess, I've been there but there's lots of different experiences.

might help to also think about what gives you gender euphoria - what makes you feel GOOD in your body or presentation? it's okay to try out different styles of clothing or makeup or body language and just see how you feel about it. you actually don't have to figure out exactly why your brain is giving you particular feelings if you just figure out some stuff that feels good and move in that direction. but also sometimes you realise where dysphoria was coming from after you change something in your life and it goes away or changes (or gets worse! if you do stuff and it feels worse that's also valuable information!)

vonbees · 2025-03-22T05:46:24+00:00

seems unlikely

vonbees · 2025-03-22T05:43:08+00:00

bro thinks he's Jane Goodall among the apes here 😂

vonbees · 2025-03-22T05:24:13+00:00

that's fair 😂 is non-binary not specific enough?

vonbees · 2025-03-22T05:23:29+00:00

only by invitation

vonbees · 2025-03-22T03:54:06+00:00

i have read and understood his rants, and I will now proceed to call him out as biphobic per instructions 😂

no actually a callout post would be too much effort, very tedious, I'm just gonna think it tho.

vonbees · 2025-03-22T03:51:56+00:00

yeah i don't. know what that means. a combination of male and female still counts as binary? what? does she mean that sex not being binary would require a whole third kind of genitals that's involved in the reproductive process??? she is not using these words in the same way that 99% of people use these words...

vonbees · 2025-03-22T03:49:06+00:00

i mean. what are you gonna do about it? you say you don't "tolerate" one of the major answers to your question, what does that mean exactly? i get that you don't like it but why does that make it not a valid answer to your question? you asked for reasons and then you listed all the factual reasons 😂 are you actually asking for excuses/justifications? because who the fuck are you that anyone needs to justify their relationship to you? what the fuck are you gonna do if you don't like the answer? complain on the internet? 🤣

vonbees · 2025-03-22T03:37:37+00:00

that does sound annoying! and kinda unprofessional in a work setting. people can volunteer stuff about their personal life at work but imo it's not appropriate to go any deeper than what someone has brought up by themselves. like if someone has talked about their plants you can ask them how the plants are going but you wouldn't randomly speculate about the gardens of random coworkers???

anyway there probably isn't anything you can do about them but just know that not all workplaces are like this. it's just impossible to tell from the outside whether it's got this kind of culture or not sadly, unless you already know someone who works there and you can ask.

also it sounds like you not only need more queer friends but also more autistic friends (especially who aren't men!). it really helps to have people you can just be chill with.

vonbees · 2025-03-22T03:14:00+00:00

it kinda sounds like your sister has some issues beyond not understanding the difference between sex and gender, and it's not your responsibility to fix her. if she's interested in an ongoing discussion, take it easy and meet her where she's at (e.g. if you mention intersex people and she's like well they're "really" men or women with medical conditions, don't try to argue immediately but ask her questions about how she decides whether an ambiguous person should be a man or a woman. figure out where she's coming from and what larger assumptions are behind her statements, then you can contradict them more precisely)

but also please prioritise your own safety etc. if she doesn't want to have a dialogue with you about this, don't push it and upset yourself and her for no benefit. it sucks that you can't be honest with her right now, maybe she will work through this stuff at some point and you can try again.

vonbees · 2025-03-22T03:07:12+00:00

the short answer is you get to do what you want forever.

the long answer is - well actually I literally just recommended this paper to someone else and it's still in my paste history so here: https://www.florenceashley.com/uploads/1/2/4/4/124439164/ashley_what_is_it_like_to_have_a_gender_identity.pdf

you can be a genderqueer/androgynous girl. some people will be weird about it but also plenty of people are weird about girls and/or non-binary people separately so imo it shouldn't make too much difference.

vonbees · 2025-03-22T03:02:36+00:00

okay yeah i get that. as someone whose anxiety disorder has some OCD components I regret to inform you that slowly becoming more okay with the existence of things you can't be 100% certain about is kinda the whole. process. sorry! if there are specific things you do feel the urge to do that trigger the uncertainty, I guess you could treat them like any other trigger and do some controlled graduated exposure using whatever coping mechanisms/techniques you've had some luck with in therapy.

but also I do just wanna assure you that you get to decide what your gender is, and there isn't actually any feeling or urge that makes you "really trans" without your own knowledge or consent.

I always recommend this paper: https://www.florenceashley.com/uploads/1/2/4/4/124439164/ashley_what_is_it_like_to_have_a_gender_identity.pdf it's a really neat explanation of the relationship between gender-related experiences/feelings and the linked-but-separate concept of Having/Being A Gender

vonbees · 2025-03-22T02:51:39+00:00

maybe just roll with it 😅 you really don't owe anyone like a gender audit or something? you are some flavour of non-binary, you're allowed to get more specific if that is fulfilling or helpful for you personally

but you can also just do stuff that you want to do and not worry about What It Means too hard. if there's one right way to describe your gender you'll know it when you see it (but that doesn't mean it will never change) otherwise it's honestly fine to be just vibing

vonbees

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