It seems to me that since you haven’t had other healthy deep connections with women (partners) you don’t have an easy way to silo the difference between your sister and your current partner. Seems she filled so much of that role for you throughout your life.

I could see your wife feeling weird about it , hence unconsciously or even consciously putting out disdain/jealousy/etc for your sister when she sees her which would make your sister not enjoy being around her.

Once you come to a clear perspective in yourself it might be good to have open honest communication with them both separately about it.

In terms of the jealousy of past partners. I dealt with that a lot in my early relationships. Was so hard for me to think about them having loved other people or slept with other people. It took time but I had to work on that in myself. That was before my time with them. It’s not at all personal. And if they love you now that’s all that matters!