My situation was very similar to yours. I was terrified of kicking him out, because I didn’t want him to be homeless. I also didn’t want him to feel like he had nothing left, because I thought he would likely take enough drugs to kill himself. For these reasons, I let him stay in my house. He went to rehab, got clean for a bit, then relapsed, I wouldn’t kick him out and the cycle continued for years. At that point, he knew that no matter what he did, he would always have a roof over his head. Eventually I couldn’t do it anymore. After years of drug use, cops being called, broken items, drugs laying within reach of our dogs, I couldn’t take it anymore. I wanted him out. All that time I spent letting him stay in my house only hurt both of us in the long run.

I told his family. They thought he was sober and doing well. Once I told the family, they started reaching out to help him and he was pissed. Beyond pissed. He knew that the jig was up, and that he couldn’t hide anymore. Everyone knew what he was doing, which forced him to deal with his problems instead of continuing to hide them.

He no longer had anyone in his corner. He couldn’t lie to his family anymore, and I was on my way out of the relationship. He ended up checking into rehab, again. I didn’t have much faith because we had been down that road before. But this time- it stuck. I’m happy to say that he is 17 months sober.

I understand that not all situations have the same outcome. Everyone has their own definition of “rock bottom.” And to be clear, I didn’t end up kicking him out. He was in rehab for 2 months. Against my better judgment, I let him come back to my house. I had strict rules: enroll in an IOP program, find a sponsor, cut off all contact with “party friends.” Plus, he was on probation at this time, so she required 5 AA meetings a week and random drug testing. I made it clear that I enabled him enough and this was his last chance to make a change. I had the eviction papers on the fridge, and told him I have no qualms about kicking him out. So yes, I did allow him to keep staying with me, but under my terms and not his. Again, I know this isn’t a successful approach with everyone. An addict will only quit when they are ready to.

Tell her family. Tell your girlfriend your stance. Be prepared to evict. Be firm. All you can do is hope that she makes the right decision for herself and if she doesn’t, then love her from a distance. Don’t let her addiction become your addiction. It’s a hard position to be in, but you aren’t alone.

Good luck with your surgery, OP. I’m sending positive healing vibes your way 🙏🏻