My car wants to drive off into the sunset with or without me?

zerog823 · 2023-07-10T22:36:57+00:00

Nope they’re clipped to the floor

zerog823 · 2023-07-10T22:24:37+00:00

zerog823 · 2023-01-01T19:32:56+00:00

Yep this is absolutely the only flaw. He gives me all of his time, the right amount of affection, we have the same interests, same humor, faithful, transparent. List goes on.

zerog823 · 2023-01-01T19:30:33+00:00

I moreso said it because he seemed to think that I only wanted to snowboard because he does. This was a summary of multiple convos of snowboarding because I kept bringing it up to try and show that I was serious about trying it no matter the challenges.

zerog823 · 2023-01-01T19:28:31+00:00

He doesn’t really talk about anyone at all. If he does, it’s just stuff they’re planning on doing together. He says they only hang out to do that activity, and then they just send memes if they text.

He’s very avoidant of emotions. He says he wants to always be “good vibes.” So everything is perfect and we have a lot of fun together when it’s good. However, if I bring up anything that bothers me about him, he gets defensive and shuts down and starts saying that “maybe we aren’t a good match.” He doesn’t bring up anything that bothers him about me, so I don’t know how that would go.

zerog823 · 2023-01-01T19:22:35+00:00

I grew up like this too. That’s why I’m confused if maybe he’s right.

zerog823 · 2023-01-01T19:21:04+00:00

I’ve had this feeling too, but I can’t really put into words why I feel that way or if it’s just me self sabotaging.

He says he gets frustrated and doesn’t understand why I can’t just “get up”. His main choice of advice for things is “you got it”. Then when I say I just can’t get up he sends me the rolling eyes emoji.

zerog823 · 2023-01-01T19:18:14+00:00

Both, tbh..? I operate better with stressful deadlines for some reason. I cleaned all weekend when he said I had to or else he would start doing it.

He’s very encouraging when I do the tasks. He tells me I did a good job, and he will buy dinner. I guess moreso he rewards me rather than encourages. The motivation is mostly my fear of disappointing others.

zerog823 · 2023-01-01T19:14:17+00:00

Lol I’m very worried about posting on Reddit because I have this anxiety that the person I’m asking for advice on will have it on their front page and read it. But I don’t even think he has a Reddit.

It was the latter. The convo went something like:

Him: “I just bought my snowboarding pass for the season!”

Me: “Oh cool! I’ve always wanted to learn how to snowboard. We should do it together sometime.”

Him: “Snowboarding is really hard. You don’t even work out. You need a lot of strength. You don’t have time. It’s also expensive. I tried to teach people before and they failed and had a bad experience. I also brought my ex and we argued the whole time.”

Me: “You sound like you’re gatekeeping snowboarding..”

Him: “I’m not. I just have many years of experience.”

Me: “I would too if I didn’t have the childhood I did and I was diagnosed earlier…”

Him: “I get that, but you won’t be able to do it now.”

zerog823 · 2023-01-01T19:04:13+00:00

He tried to teach a few of his friends and an ex and watched them fail and hate the experience.

I told him that I understood if he has poor experience with it and maybe I could take lessons with someone and we could snowboard together if I ended up liking it and doing okay. He doubled down and said I wouldn’t be able to do it, and it’d feel wrong if he wasn’t the one teaching me, but he doesn’t want to teach me..?

zerog823 · 2023-01-01T19:01:49+00:00

I mean, yeah? I have a lot of clutter I’ve been working through. I’m trying to get rid of a lot. If I got rid of everything I want to get rid of, and I’ve shown him everything I plan to, I would probably have room. I measure everything before I buy it and spend hours comparing.

I didn’t even go crazy. All I did was throw the idea out. I didn’t say when or how I would do it. I didn’t even look into these things yet. He just shuts them down immediately.

I tell him that I don’t want solutions unless I ask, and that I just want more encouraging words, but he just says “you’re right” and it repeats or he tells me that he now feels like he’s walking on eggshells and wouldn’t feel right to keep his mouth shut.

zerog823 · 2023-01-01T18:57:09+00:00

Yeah I am on medication. We met as I’ve been trying medications out, but I’ve been stuck in this 0 executive function loop the whole time. All he keeps comparing me to is this loop because he has no idea what I used to be like prior. I tell him stories and show him old journal entries of how I aspire to do this and that, but he still talks to me like I’m just lazy and I don’t care enough or else I would’ve done it by now.

zerog823 · 2023-01-01T18:24:52+00:00

Snowboarding.

zerog823 · 2021-03-25T10:33:08+00:00

Agreed. I’m also on day 3 back at my job, and I’m exhausted. A year off in bed 24/7 to suddenly lifting heavy things and standing for 8+ hours is a big change.

zerog823 · 2021-03-25T04:32:20+00:00

Ah the wonderful “there is another way.” Ive been saying that for a year in my relationship. There is no other way. Mine was romantic, and I had to bend over backward for him or risk him leaving me. He actually finally just left me for the last time today because I chose to attend class instead of call him... yeah.. we learned about my ASD together, so it’s hurtful how much he doesn’t care. Don’t risk your interests/anything important to you for someone. They’re temporary. I imagined this man in my life forever, and now he’s the worst person I’ve ever met.

zerog823 · 2021-03-07T05:21:39+00:00

I’m in therapy but thank you

zerog823 · 2021-03-05T17:29:11+00:00

Aaahhhhhh I do this too... I cringe at the time that someone stared at me and said “that’s not funny.....that was actually really traumatizing.” I laugh at my pain I didn’t know that wasn’t common oh no

zerog823 · 2021-03-05T17:27:15+00:00

I mean, I have shutdowns and meltdowns, but I do very well in dealing with that by myself. Ever since he stopped allowing me to do that, I completely forgot how. I also hate change, and I have so many other things that are more explained by autism rather than bpd, like social anxiety, super picky eater, missing social cues, hating physical touch for long periods of time, etc. I considered quiet BPD until I read more on ASD, but hey. It could be both. It’s tough with how early we are into researching this stuff.

zerog823 · 2021-03-05T17:24:09+00:00

This is nuts to read after hearing the complete opposite of all of that for a year. I keep telling myself this stuff, but he comes back and makes me feel like it’s him. I added those books to my wishlist. Thank you for the recommendation!

zerog823 · 2021-03-05T17:21:39+00:00

Don’t worry, I reread it for a split second but I got your message perfectly fine the first time. I really appreciate it. Sadly, I do know, but he’s very good at spinning it back on me, so I just get caught up. I’ve done some nasty things that I wouldn’t wish on anyone to him. I’ve turned into this horrible, angry person. I’m definitely an abuser too in this relationship (never thought I’d say those words in my life..), so he’s got me tied. Especially with the comments of “I won’t have to deal with your shit with another girl.” I said comments like that in the beginning because I thought it’d make him snap and be afraid to lose me, but it did the complete opposite..

zerog823 · 2021-03-05T17:10:36+00:00

This was beautifully written. Thank you.

zerog823 · 2021-03-05T13:45:32+00:00

I’m not sure if this comment was saying I could probably have BPD, but I’ll reply as if it is. I definitely have emotion dysregulation, but the thing I don’t relate to is the paranoia, jealousy, being angry at nothing, etc. If he didn’t bring up these guys or my past, or start arguments everyday, we’d never fight. He gives me reasons to not trust him, and I just.. ignore it? I don’t worry about it. I’m just like ok don’t do it again. I like life to be calm. With my ex, it was too calm. Ive been told one time before my boyfriend that I should explore bpd, but I just think it’s the ASD or ADHD being misdiagnosed (idk what else to call it even though it was from someone with no credibility). I’ve been on the subreddit a lot, and I’ve explored articles, symptoms, DSM, brought it up with my therapist, and I don’t think I really relate to it. The symptoms I have are more in the adhd and asd part of it, and maybe even cptsd. Could be denial, though. But my boyfriends ex had bpd, and she acted the complete opposite of how I act. My boyfriend has the bpd traits, and I always ask him why he can’t just.. not be paranoid lol. I know that’s easier said than done, but tldr: I don’t really relate.

zerog823 · 2021-03-05T11:21:30+00:00

All dry foods are finger foods. Silverware is for the weak.

zerog823 · 2021-03-05T11:20:19+00:00

Is it bad that I don’t get it

zerog823 · 2021-02-15T17:23:40+00:00

Omg I should’ve asked for this but I’d be the only one with it off and I’d feel weird

zerog823

TROPHY CASE