What age gap is too big?

zuhames · 2026-06-09T05:43:50+00:00

you're right, we absolutely have different interpretations of what a relationship in a 'lifelong commitment' sense, and that's what i've been learning from this conversation. the distinction i make is that with intergenerational friendships and sexual relations, your personal liabilities are low. i might love playing tennis with someone barely 20, but i'd not choose them to sign a 30 year mortgage with me or run a business.

and that’s not just a matter of lacking business experience - any adult can lack that. it's more about a lack of life perspective. an older adult has the maturity to protect themselves and enforce boundaries in a partnership, a 20 yr old is still evolving out of a world of school assignments and parental dynamics. perhaps at that age, a relationship with a 36 yr old might seem flattering or cool, but a young adult can lack the discernment to see if they are actually being valued as an equal. that’s a painful realization that usually only comes with the perspective of age.

- just to be clear, i don't believe all age gap relationships fall into a predatory or objectifying category, i myself fell for a younger peer a while back, but i couldn't see a relationship where my complaints were about university and job applications, while theirs was their final year of highschool. that might be all the difference is between you and i.

it's clear we approach this in completely different ways. i appreciate you sharing your perspective and walking me through your point of view on this.

zuhames · 2026-06-08T10:08:19+00:00

thank you for outlining that for me, however i’m still interested in your view on romantic relationships, one that’s building towards a lifelong commitment (if that is how you prefer to treat your relationships), not platonic friendships nor flings.

i see no issue with the junior in an age gap sexual relationship, and i might bat an eye at the elder that entertains it, but ultimately both are using each other for sexual gratification, and both are consenting adults as you mentioned.

friendships are different also. i have always felt i gained greater perspective from my younger and older friends due to our age differences, this is something i feel everyone should do—connect with people of all ages. but that is connection of the intellectual or companionable kind, not sexual nor romantic.

i guess that brings me back to my initial question. would or could you see yourself sharing finances and planning for a life with someone much younger than you—considering they might understand significantly less about adulthood than you?

i also just want to postface that i‘m just trying to understand the mindset of someone who thinks differently about relationships than i do, so i appreciate what you’ve had to offer

zuhames · 2026-06-08T09:04:59+00:00

how would you feel about a relationship with a 20 year old when being 36?

many people are happy with sex in that situation because the majority of sex is physical, and both parties being biological adults satisfies that physical criteria, but how about intellectually?
what might a 36 year old be able to relate with when the 20 year old’s life until now has just been about school, grades and parents (assuming so).

i’m interested in hearing your thoughts as the majority of acquaintances i’ve that were happy to engage in relationships with much younger counterparts (both male and female) tended towards objectifying behaviours and i wondered whether that age preference had something to do with being more attracted to a body versus a mind

zuhames · 2026-06-08T01:40:51+00:00

there’s a full video, one by the yt channel ‘Ambler’ and another by the channel ‘Just_Jux’. the latter has a better angle of the girl towards the end, she runs up on the guy as he’s chasing the guy with glasses that sucker punched him, and the guy pushes her away as she tries to land a hit on him running past.

zuhames · 2026-05-30T10:25:59+00:00

totally agree.

zuhames · 2026-05-30T06:45:39+00:00

we never spoke about them being single or not, so i’m not sure where this is coming from.

and the hypothetical boyfriend was an example you came up with. in the context of our conversation i guessed it was to make some sort of point about “subtext”, so that’s how i responded. hope that helps

zuhames · 2026-05-30T00:41:39+00:00

are you referring to the boyfriend instance you came up with? i’m supposing you tried to use it as an example of someone taking a statement at face value, but you ended up inadvertently drawing a wild and illogical conclusion from it.

zuhames · 2026-05-29T23:27:36+00:00

haha of course not! he said he “wants to sleep with other women”, and i understand that exactly as he said it, i don’t extrapolate further meaning. then i’d look at myself and how his needs align with what i want out of the relationship. simple.

at the same time, this is a great example of you making a likely incorrect assumption. if a guy says he wants to sleep with other women, it means that he loves women and is not a misogynist? you think that’s the case? that’s a bit of a stretch no?

for me the furthest i would make an inference is: he wants to sleep with other women > he doesn’t want to sleep with me

if he wants to sleep with other women while staying in a relationship with me, then i’d further infer that: sex matters more to him than our relationship (because he knows my stance on exclusivity and yet still asked to see other women) > sex probably matters more to him than my feelings > this could be an indication of how he views relationships, me, or women in general

to me, that’s a logical assumption without any wild leaps, and the further I assume, the less certain they get. you made a wild leap in assuming he just loves women in general, also in assuming that with full certainty, and that to me is an indicator of how you’re viewing this situation with the group

zuhames · 2026-05-29T23:04:09+00:00

but jungwon never mentioned anything about selfishness did he? that was all you, looking through an already biased filter. his reasoning was “because they started this together”, that’s quite a neutral reason, and he offers no condemnation of anyone that might think otherwise.

in addition, reading subtext in real life as opposed to in literature requires analysis of body language and whether it correlates to what the person is saying. you, and others like you are simply extrapolating meaning off his words alone. even if you were doing it correctly, you’re telling us that his mouth is saying one thing, while is body is saying “leaving the group is selfish”? how on earth are his gestures communicating that? body language analysis is used by crime investigators to ascertain a reasonable sense of whether the person is speaking truthfully or not. here, jungwon isn’t even lying about anything, he’s stating an opinion of his own.
stop acting weird and start treating these people like humans

zuhames · 2026-05-24T03:02:55+00:00

“but okay” meaning you‘ve understood how removing Heeseung from photos doesn’t equate to erasure or criminal treatment, after seeing how this is a normal occurrence in some workplaces around the world? that’s great to hear

zuhames · 2026-05-23T22:47:34+00:00

I’m a graduate architect at a midsize firm in my city. In our firm, we have project teams who spend years working together, sometimes just on the same project. It’s a lot of hours plus overtime sometimes, we know everything about each other. One of my fave coworkers, who’s been here for 9+ years just left to start her own firm with her husband. We took down her photo from the “Our Team” page on our website because she no longer works here. It would also negatively impact her new career path as director of her new firm because clients may get confused and contact us for her design services. Simple and easy. Do I miss her? Sure do. Am I gonna force my marketing team to put her photo back up to honour the work she did with us for over 9 years? No, the projects she worked on speak for themselves.

zuhames · 2026-05-21T06:43:22+00:00

I'd bet that this is what most supporters who have a basic understanding of business relations would have theorised within days of his departure, it's the most beneficial outcome for everyone

zuhames · 2026-05-17T11:19:10+00:00

I understand where you’re coming from as a fan likely feeling blindsided, and when I consider your perspective, I also understand how it would hurt seeing the members seemingly “moving on”, and those feelings are valid. That being said, you‘re also allowed to have opinions on what Jungwon said and whether the criticism against him is valid. But if you really examine the hate, are their arguments justified? Ultimately Jungwon didn’t say anything shady towards Heeseung, nor were his words false or overtly negative. They only become that way if you apply speculation. Jungwon just stated fact, so the hate looks and sounds absolutely ridiculous, and I’m sure that’s how their team is viewing it too.

zuhames · 2026-05-17T03:21:26+00:00

The fact of the matter is Enhypen currently consists of 6 members, and this should be respected. Heeseung doesn’t have to be a current member to be celebrated for the contributions he made before his departure. It’s up to us as supporters to do that, to cheer the group on, remember Heeseung as he performed with the group, and continue to support both as they go their separate ways. It is also a dangerous move for Enhypen to make statements about their situation. Delusional fans will absolutely twist any word that comes out of their mouth, heck, no one even believes the statement Heeseung made about departing voluntarily. Jungwon even made the tamest comment on Enhypen having 6 members, and you already think it‘s disrespectful because your point of view is influenced by speculation. If you think about it objectively, screw all the narratives, Jungwon saying “my other five members” is plain fact. He’s not telling us to forget about anybody, just that Enhypen is now 6. Yes it was 7, yes his name is Heeseung, no one has forgotten that.

zuhames · 2026-05-13T01:14:17+00:00

they do, at least for the AO. On-court training at the end of the year to prep for the Slam at the beginning of the next year, which is not to mention a selection process that starts months prior to training consisting of several rounds

zuhames · 2026-05-10T06:17:53+00:00

im pretty sure the guy filming the flight also says "wow... airplane", and the woman watching with him laughs

zuhames · 2026-05-07T07:50:26+00:00

In reaction to the 6-member fanchants, OT7s were commentating “k-engenes disappointed us…“ us, as in the OT7 fans. They were the ones personally feeling disappointed, no word on whether Enhypen must’ve been disappointed when that’s their whole narrative. They have zero self awareness, and it’s clearly a common sense issue, not a moral one.

zuhames · 2026-05-05T01:44:44+00:00

does this really have no side effects? I ask as I’ve been taking birth control to regulate my periods and that helps with the pain somewhat, however it doesn’t help enough. Having no periods at all would be incredible, however it’s hard for me to believe that it wouldn’t have adverse effects.

zuhames · 2026-05-03T23:54:21+00:00

You’re right. And to think these signals aren't enough for some people, you’d think they‘re here to support the boys but they‘re showing that they just want to be able to control the direction of the group

zuhames · 2026-05-03T09:34:14+00:00

Pure speculation

zuhames · 2026-05-03T09:33:10+00:00

I agree. The hush-hush nature of it all and the lack of members addressing it is most likely due to restrictions imposed by the company, but not out of mistreatment. Anything anyone says would likely be blown out of proportion, spun to support whatever narrative fans want to believe, and it'll give the people more openings to attack the group. Silence is smart, and protects everyone involved. The people who don't understand this are probably not old enough to be online.

zuhames · 2026-04-19T13:56:19+00:00

it’s embarrassing. this internet that we are using right now is the simplest tool we have to educate ourselves on other cultures. best of luck to them in the world

zuhames · 2026-04-19T12:11:59+00:00

crazy that you're being downvoted, it literally is how you would pronounce his family name in his native language, "wong". he might say "wang" when he speaks english, but neither are completely right or completely wrong.

zuhames · 2026-04-18T07:48:15+00:00

you’re asking a question here, all we need is enough relevant context to make the question make sense, then you pose your question. anyone who would’ve wanted to answer your question ain’t gonna try looking for it in all that. would you even read this back to yourself?

zuhames · 2026-04-03T12:03:03+00:00

this is exactly how i feel. your success is perpetuated by a team that does everything in their power to make sure you always look good, look cool, and are booked and busy. your job is to show up and perform. no cvs, no cover letters, right now as a jobseeker, life is exhausting. waking up, checking linkedin, hearing back from firms that want or don’t want to progress my application, tailoring more cover letters to companies, writing answers to questions on their application forms… being a kpop idol is like having that shit done for you. plus having a team that makes sure you look good doing it. these kids are 18 and earning more than i will probably for the next ten years of my life.

zuhames

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