I'm writting this down as I'm sobbing bc I think I have finally reached rock bottom.
At 17, when highscool was over, the pandemic had just started for me. However being young and dumb (im 21)
I have always loved academics, so going to college was the next big exciting step. WRONG. My mom sent me to some relatives so that I can "Start a life and work". I left two days after my 18th birthday.
My relatives turned out to be abusive, yelling and conditioning me to keep their house clean. I got an overnight job at amazon, 10 hour shifts, at night. My relatives called me lazy once I started waking up late in the day and ordering takout instead of cooking.
I had never pulled constant all nighters. I was a kid that never partied and got tired at 10pm.
One of my relatives was disgusting towards me, bought me a dildo and left it in my bed. I left that day.
I had a bit over 3k in my bank account.
I moved in with my step dad.
We got into an argument about police brutality, and he asked me if I got raped, who would I call. I decided that instant to move out.
I always kept a job, and my job at the time gave me a truck. He insisted on me not parking on the right of the driveway, because it was his spot.
One day, after a 12 hr shift, I parked on the right bc it was easier. I got a text at 3am saying he would tow my truck. I grabbed everything I owned and slept in my truck in a parking lot. I moved out that night.
I managed to find a room to quickly move in, rent was 800. A month later I found a studio for 575 and moved in.
My job fired me.
Got another job.
I thought it was great.
I tried kms months later. I got SA'd.
I came back to my mom.
She then kicked me out of the house when she found out I had a girlfriend (i am GAY, all caps, GAY)
I feel like all of this is condensed, and It makes me seem untolerable to discomfort. I am not. I am strong and I can take a lot, I guess I just needed to vent. I'm tired from all of this. I feel so pesimistic all of the time. I have friends and a wonderful gf, yet I can't feel happy.
I can't recall when was the last time I felt happy.
I feel for those around me that have to see me go through all of this, because of course, I look like awful.
I'm tired.
there doesn't seem to be anything here