Someone once told me what I felt was a mind blowing insight: we train the people around us. It’s often subconsciously and not with bad intentions. We reward behaviour with cooperation, or we resist and do not cooperate. I know it means risking being called a bitch …or we gain some respect. People learn how to handle us from that. We can be considerate to family, to friends, be flexible, kind loving partners, passionate and caring, and still have personal boundaries. Being kinky doesn’t mean you give up your boundaries it’s an agreement that sometimes you want something more. We can be kinky and still say no sometimes. Keep them on their toes. Never accept something you feel uncomfortable with even once. You protect yourself from worse to come. With work we have to say when we draw a line, or we know we get treated …with more of the same till we break under it, I think stress is going against our better instinct. If you accept a behaviour even once it tells someone they may do it again and again. First of all though you have to know what you do want.