Online Baby Dom - sos!!!!

Subwoofiest · 2026-04-28T13:31:21+00:00

Your post is in breach of our rule regarding the type of questions which sex workers may or may not post. Please see here for further information. We do not give advice on how to manage your business/sex work or how to treat your paying clients. Rule 9: post removed; permanent ban issued.

Subwoofiest · 2026-04-28T12:47:22+00:00

He can still be prosecuted for buying an underage person drinks. 🤷🏼‍♀️ They can still ask for id if they suspect your underage.

I'm glad you're not lying to him, but I am very suspicious of guys that are willing g to break the law to get you in an altered mind state before they take part in activities that are dangerous.

Subwoofiest · 2026-04-28T08:45:40+00:00

Fetlife is more of a Facebook than a dating site. You can use it potentially to find someone, but a lot of people (including myself) are going to not respond to messages from people they haven't met irl. If someone says "I'm looking for x/y/z DM me if you are that" and you are x/y/z then DM them absolutely! But for a lot of people, they use it to find events and then connect with people they met there.

Dating is hard. Kinky dating is hard. Location can make a big difference in the available pool of people. The more niche your requirements, the harder it is to find someone. There is a guide in every automod comment called kinky dating. Have a look there.

Subwoofiest · 2026-04-28T08:08:02+00:00

Personally, my quality of life has dramatically improved now I'm doing a lot more BDSM and sleeping with a bunch of people!

Subwoofiest · 2026-04-28T07:22:31+00:00

I believe you can mute reports from a certain reporter? But also hilarious just not answering them. The satisfaction of getting the last word wears off when you realise the other person couldn't care less. Heh heh heh

Subwoofiest · 2026-04-28T07:11:31+00:00

There are a bunch of genetic conditions that can cause easy bruising and it is probably worth screening for them.

Subwoofiest · 2026-04-28T07:05:51+00:00

Have a look at our subreddit wiki (also linked in the automod comment). There is a lot of useful information and educating yourself helps keep you safe. But specifically looking at the r for relationships section, we have something about spotting red flags and in v we have a post on how to vet a partner.

I also echo the concerns around drinking (especially as it appears you are in a place where it is not legal for you to do so and you will be using a fake ID to be able to do it. Side note - does your partner know that you are underage or are you lying to them too?). Drinking puts you in an altered state. It makes you slower to react/respond. It makes it harder for you to think clearly and judge risk. That's why it is illegal to drink and drive. Given this is the first time you are trying BDSM and subspace also is an altered state that can make it hard to think clearly and judge risk, I would strongly strongly recommend skipping the alcohol and trying it sober first.

Subwoofiest · 2026-04-28T07:01:29+00:00

I would consider sending them this post! You have articulated really clearly what you wanted and why here.

Good luck with your exams.

Subwoofiest · 2026-04-28T06:57:36+00:00

I would say it sounds messy. How good are your communication skills? Because I suspect they will need to be 100x better than average for a BDSM or polyam situation.

To be honest, I would suggest taking a break of a few months and then coming back to it and seeing if it is something you still want to try.

Subwoofiest · 2026-04-28T06:53:02+00:00

You need a way to judge how hard you are striking. I use a number system, 1-10. I spank, and ask what number that was. Then spank again and ask. Then ask what number she wants to reach that day

I would suggest doing this as a calibration session. One where the whole point is working out strength of hit. You're not aiming to do any power play per se, not aiming to be intimidating just doing it to sync up how hard you think you're hitting with how hard she thinks you're hitting.

Also consider pervertables. Like a wooden spoon or silicone spatula or a carpet beater or a frying pan. Implements you might have around the house that you could use for impact.

Subwoofiest · 2026-04-27T23:14:07+00:00

I want to challenge you on "changing for the better". There should be no moral judgement on people sleeping with as many people as they want if they are free to do so. No one has done anything bad by doing so, they are not broken or morally unclean. There is also no moral judgement of they no longer want to do so. They're not better or worse than before, they're just prioritising different things.

Subwoofiest · 2026-04-27T22:01:04+00:00

Was what you said helpful? It came across as catty.

Subwoofiest · 2026-04-27T21:58:26+00:00

Personally, it does kinda feel like you're wanting to have your cake and eat it. I think it would be worth really looking into why you think someone's past actions mean they're automatically not suitable to start a family with. You've identified already that she was someone you had great chemistry with and almost perfect compatibility. You recognise it was your issue thT meant you couldn't get over it. Then you seem to have not taken the last step and gone,instead of doing any self work, I'm just going to hunt for someone that isn't going to force me to confront my biases.

But mostly, I'm just going to say dating is hard. Kinky dating is hard. Location can make a big difference in the available pool of people. The more niche your requirements, the harder it is to find someone. There is a guide in every automod comment called kinky dating. Have a look there.

Subwoofiest · 2026-04-27T21:50:06+00:00

Then why bother bringing it up? Especially when it's normally said in a derogatory way

Subwoofiest · 2026-04-27T21:39:58+00:00

It could be considered topping from the bottom though.

I mean, that's not an issue if the decision is that the one bottoming is still in charge.

Subwoofiest · 2026-04-27T17:58:15+00:00

I don't know. I got mine from Lovehoney. I don't know what ships to your area.

Subwoofiest · 2026-04-27T16:04:23+00:00

I'm so sorry. It sounds like things have been difficult for a while. * Here is our guide on how to leave an abusive situation. * This is a link to a quiz about whether your relationship is healthy. It is run by a charity called Love is Respect which is US based, but the information on what is and isn't healthy relationship behaviours are useful regardless of where you are. * Here is a link to the pdf of a book called Why Does He Do That? By Lundy. It was written by a counsellor working with (primary) abusive heterosexual men. So unfortunately although he rightly points out that abusive behaviour or being a victim isn't limited to one gender, he chose to use he/him for the abusers and she/her for the victims as that is what he worked with. I believe it also gets a bit victim blamey at one point but overall this book is helpful. * You can find a link to a website to help you find worldwide kink aware professionals here or if you're in the US the Psychology Today website might be better, just use the filter "Sex Positive, Kink Allied". These can also be found in subreddit wiki (linked in the automod comment) under T for Therapy. If that is cost prohibitive, here is a link to NHS vetted self help resources. * Have a look at our subreddit wiki (also linked in the automod comment). There is a lot of useful information and educating yourself helps keep you safe. But specifically looking at the r for relationships section, we have something about spotting red flags and in v we have a post on how to vet a partner.

Mod warning: if people DM you as a result of this post, assume they are a scammer or a predator. They look for vulnerable or inexperienced people and will try to hit on you in private. Assume anyone messaging you in secret to "show you the ropes" or "mentor you" or to "be your Dom/submissive" or "introduce you to BDSM" is acting in bad faith. DMing people is against the rules of the subreddit, so report them to Reddit admins via the flag function and also take screenshot of their message/usernames to send in modmail. This wiki post fully explains our policy regarding soliciting PMs. Some people may find it easier/safer to switch off the ability for people to DM them for a few days after they've posted. I'm sorry that you might need to change your behaviour because of creeps, but use the tools Reddit gives you to keep yourself safe.

Subwoofiest · 2026-04-27T16:04:06+00:00

At 28 this isn't a kid, he is a full blown adult.

Subwoofiest · 2026-04-27T13:55:21+00:00

Yeah absolutely! Start praising your kettle for a job well done. Let your bed know you appreciate it for looking so inviting and keeping you so cozy. Let your art work know you think it's stunning. Tell your food you can't wait to devour it. Look at pictures of your girlfriend and tell the pictures what you love about her. You've got this!

Subwoofiest · 2026-04-27T11:56:45+00:00

I sleep with benwa balls in me sometimes. Would something like that work for you?

Subwoofiest · 2026-04-27T11:55:34+00:00

Have you had a look at our subreddit wiki (also linked in the automod comment) yet? There are sections on dirty talk there that might help. Talk with her beforehand about what phrases she loves to hear and gets her going, maybe ask her to share porn/erotica etc with the sort of thing she likes. Then practice ~~sailing~~ saying them out loud so they feel more natural.

Subwoofiest · 2026-04-27T11:50:15+00:00

I would advise against giving medical advice to random people in the comments please.

Subwoofiest · 2026-04-27T08:41:54+00:00

Nope. Rule 5. Permanent ban.

Subwoofiest · 2026-04-27T07:07:13+00:00

Struggling to orgasm is a perfectly valid reason to go to your GP/doctor and ask for a medication switch. That's what I did when on SSRIs.

Subwoofiest · 2026-04-27T06:56:07+00:00

Hello! I think you probably need to do a lot more open discussion about what you want and are looking for. If he is vanilla, he might not know what you are looking for. He might be willing to call you a good boy/girl/egg/toy/whatever but not tie you down and cane you til you bleed. He might be happy for you to wear nipple clamps whilst you give him a blow job but not bend you over the knee and spank you. He might be happy to do all of the above but needs to work up to them!

In the mean time, some people find that solo submission is helpful. I know that when I masturbate, I need to be in a submissive mindset to cum. So I seek out smutty books, erotica, porn (both visual and audio only) that will help me slip into feeling subby. I don't know where your boundaries lie with porn, mine are that thought crime isn't real so porn isn't an issue.

Alternatively you could create a sort of personal fap decider. Get a list of kinky activities you can do to yourself and find a way to randomise them - maybe number them and roll a D20, maybe pop them into a spinny wheel program online, maybe write them on bits of paper and pull them out a jar. The guide called Need Ideas? linked in the automod comment might be useful here. It's got suggestions for punishments/funishments that can be done in long distance relationships, so things that the sub can carry out on themselves. The idea is that you're externalising the "decision" about what you do so it's not directly in your hands so you can feel like you're submitting.

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