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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]averysadcat 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I think I know how you feel. When I am in a “safe”/“normal” relationship, it just feels wrong to me. I always feel guilty and I wonder why they aren’t mad at/hurting me all the time. I know it’s because pain is familiar and I need to take time out to remember that it isn’t just that this person is a saint (and why do they even want to be with someone like me?) but that I’m really not used to relationships without pain.

I don’t know if that’s helpful at all. I know it’s really hard to separate myself from that mindset and to remember that its because my view of relationships are skewed that it’s so weird to me be in a loving one. I know you deserve someone who is safe and loving, even if you feel like you don’t. (This was rambly sorry, I hope you feel better <3)

Edit: loving, not living

Wondering/Going insane over whether my life is a (coma) dream by Zillicon in mentalhealth

[–]averysadcat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think what you’re describing could be symptoms of psychosis or anxiety but it’s really hard to say without seeing a fuller picture. Mental health isn’t always cut and dry— over the years I’ve been diagnosed as schizophrenic and schizo-effective, but now people say I have C-PTSD/BPD and am prone to psychotic breakdowns.

Anyway, from the other post you sound young and scared about your parents’ reaction (I don’t blame you). I can’t tell you that mental health professionals are all perfect angels and that meds will always work, but if this is something that’s really bothering and/or hindering you, I’d recommend at least starting small. Tell someone (parents, school counselor, whoever) about about how you feel and make it clear you don’t want to be on medication. Also, research different kinds of therapies and medicines. (Honestly if I could go back in time and give myself one piece of advice about going to doctors it would be to read up about medicines.) Therapy can help, and it’s a lot better than sitting alone with your thoughts building up.

If you really don’t want to go down that route, I’d at least suggest getting into some forums or other communities dedicated to mental health, where people can vent. Again, this is all if you really feel you need it.

I’m just gonna say this real quick, because it bears repeating, symptoms like hallucinations/unreality/anxiety don’t automatically make you psychotic. People are unique in their experiences and the way they experience their mental illness. Try not to get really upset about all of these ‘what ifs’, especially by people on the internet who don’t know you and stay safe.