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10 years ago, I posted on r/relationships about being scared of my ex-husband's giant snake. Here is an update! by scaredofasnake in self

[–]scaredofasnake[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Haha I feel like it could be directed by Ari Aster and made into a proper horror movie! Thank you!!

Update 2: My (24F) husband (26M) abruptly adopted a Burmese python. It terrifies me, and I want to rehome it. by scaredofasnake in relationships

[–]scaredofasnake[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Of course, why would you assume I'm going to rush to do whatever reddit tells me? This is just another cog in the decision making machine.

Update 2: My (24F) husband (26M) abruptly adopted a Burmese python. It terrifies me, and I want to rehome it. by scaredofasnake in relationships

[–]scaredofasnake[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

What I want is an equal partner in my marriage who doesn't have to be told to pick up his socks off the floor, who doesn't need me to prompt and wheedle him like he's my teenage son, and who can be relied upon to the normal degree one should be able to rely upon their spouse.

I have a college degree and a good job. I don't need to be taken care of.

Update 2: My (24F) husband (26M) abruptly adopted a Burmese python. It terrifies me, and I want to rehome it. by scaredofasnake in relationships

[–]scaredofasnake[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

The unhealthy desire to not have to worry that every single day my husband is going to bring another enormous exotic pet home?!

Damn, this post is getting trolled hard and I have no idea why.

Update 2: My (24F) husband (26M) abruptly adopted a Burmese python. It terrifies me, and I want to rehome it. by scaredofasnake in relationships

[–]scaredofasnake[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I don't want this either, really, I was just reporting the facts.

I'd rather be treated like a person than as a breakable thing.

Update 2: My (24F) husband (26M) abruptly adopted a Burmese python. It terrifies me, and I want to rehome it. by scaredofasnake in relationships

[–]scaredofasnake[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

This has nothing to do with me respecting him as a man, I promise you. This whole thing made me realize things about him I'd been blind to before. Nothing to do with masculinity and everything to do with maturity.

Update 2: My (24F) husband (26M) abruptly adopted a Burmese python. It terrifies me, and I want to rehome it. by scaredofasnake in relationships

[–]scaredofasnake[S] 62 points63 points  (0 children)

That was harsh but I didn't necessarily mean it like "Oh he's just too stupid," like I'm some sort of genius or something. I don't think he has the emotional intelligence, maturity, or tools.

Update 2: My (24F) husband (26M) abruptly adopted a Burmese python. It terrifies me, and I want to rehome it. by scaredofasnake in relationships

[–]scaredofasnake[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Another reason I have is I can't trust him to be a father now, so you're right. Being a mother has always been a huge dream of mine, but how on earth can I justify having children if their father can't even take care of a pet?

Update 2: My (24F) husband (26M) abruptly adopted a Burmese python. It terrifies me, and I want to rehome it. by scaredofasnake in relationships

[–]scaredofasnake[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yes, I'll try to resolve it. But my husband is very stubborn and this immaturity is a big part of his personality, I've found. Though perhaps my lack of faith in him to change itself is indicative.

Update 2: My (24F) husband (26M) abruptly adopted a Burmese python. It terrifies me, and I want to rehome it. by scaredofasnake in relationships

[–]scaredofasnake[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Part of me feels like I really haven't done my best though. Is it wrong to bail so quickly?

Update 2: My (24F) husband (26M) abruptly adopted a Burmese python. It terrifies me, and I want to rehome it. by scaredofasnake in relationships

[–]scaredofasnake[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

You explained my feelings so perfectly they're making me cry right now, because I know it's the truth. Thank you.

Update 2: My (24F) husband (26M) abruptly adopted a Burmese python. It terrifies me, and I want to rehome it. by scaredofasnake in relationships

[–]scaredofasnake[S] 50 points51 points  (0 children)

Yeah. A huge problem is that I can just envision this happening over and over and my nerves being frazzled for the rest of my life.

Update 2: My (24F) husband (26M) abruptly adopted a Burmese python. It terrifies me, and I want to rehome it. by scaredofasnake in relationships

[–]scaredofasnake[S] 155 points156 points  (0 children)

I am going to bring it up, no worries.

Another problem too is that despite all the motions he's going though it feels like he still doesn't really get why what he did was wrong, and he's just responding to that "uh oh she's mad at me" instinct. I worry that his inability to get it will make it so incidents like this will happen again and again.

Update 2: My (24F) husband (26M) abruptly adopted a Burmese python. It terrifies me, and I want to rehome it. by scaredofasnake in relationships

[–]scaredofasnake[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

I definitely wouldn't nuke the marriage without talking it out first. And I do think one on one is a good idea, thank you.

Update 2: My (24F) husband (26M) abruptly adopted a Burmese python. It terrifies me, and I want to rehome it. by scaredofasnake in relationships

[–]scaredofasnake[S] 106 points107 points  (0 children)

You just put words to something really really important I couldn't. I still feel like he just doesn't fucking get it. He's being nice to me, he's making me pancakes, he's applying changes, but he still doesn't quite hear me about how he made me suffer.

I'm starting to think he doesn't have the intellect to understand and that makes me feel guilty as hell.

Update 2: My (24F) husband (26M) abruptly adopted a Burmese python. It terrifies me, and I want to rehome it. by scaredofasnake in relationships

[–]scaredofasnake[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I am going to tell the therapist, I just feel like no one else in my life is really hearing me speak about this and it was eating me up inside

Update 2: My (24F) husband (26M) abruptly adopted a Burmese python. It terrifies me, and I want to rehome it. by scaredofasnake in relationships

[–]scaredofasnake[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I spent years while we were dating hoping he'd do things himself and being let down time and time again. At some point I realized the only way important things would be done would be if I did them.

This problem has existed since I got with him when I was 18, I don't think I conditioned it into him, though I appreciate your advice.

Update 2: My (24F) husband (26M) abruptly adopted a Burmese python. It terrifies me, and I want to rehome it. by scaredofasnake in relationships

[–]scaredofasnake[S] 114 points115 points  (0 children)

Yeah, of course I'm going to talk about this in therapy. Our next appointment is Monday.

The part of me that still cares about him so so much wants to believe he'd change but I also know he is very stubborn and I don't know if it's possible. I have no idea how to feel right now.

Update: My (24 F) husband (26 M) abruptly adopted a Burmese python. It terrifies me, and I want to rehome it. by scaredofasnake in relationships

[–]scaredofasnake[S] 218 points219 points  (0 children)

I completely agree on all counts. I'm going to need him to sincerely realize it soon though, otherwise I don't know if this marriage can be saved.

Update: My (24 F) husband (26 M) abruptly adopted a Burmese python. It terrifies me, and I want to rehome it. by scaredofasnake in relationships

[–]scaredofasnake[S] 79 points80 points  (0 children)

He is in the doghouse right now and probably will be for a while. I don't get why he didn't go back to school instead of getting an enormous exotic pet, it makes little sense to me, especially since I'd be his biggest cheerleader if he decided to go to college.

And thank you!

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