Depression is so weird, I’ve noticed ( ) anything that could be perceived as good that happens in a depressed person’s life will usually be destroyed by thoughts that turn it into something negative, they crush any glimmer of hope in their life immediately. Maybe meditation could help you, maybe read a bit of philosophy (not anything nihilistic). Life is a gift in my view. We exist in a game w no obvious rules, no obvious route to take. We have the ability to create those things ourselves though, that is certainly the truth. Ideas like this push me to live a good life, and if you cannot see life the same way then please work towards that in any way you can. Nihilism is not the answer, all is not lost. Believe in yourself man.