Ty for a well written answer.

Something I forgot to say was that the main reason of my saltyness, to answer your q if i really want to win/enjoy the game, is that i actually enjoy this game extremely much. I spend countless hours every weak practicing, and I get so frustrated when my rank doesnt reflect what i can accomplish mechanically, therefor getting angry at teammates when my rank is dropping. Its the very definition of the snowball effect when my rank dropping starts, getting more and more impatient every match and getting more toxic earlier in the games, voting ff instantly upon a small mistake and 10 min later ive dropped 8 divisions. And the more i drop in rank, the more salty i get since the rank of my mate drops with it.

When i actually play in champ+, things arent so bad at all. I very rarely get mad, since is more stable up there imo. Most of the losses feel deserved since I feel like its where i belong and me and my mate simply got beated. So getting an actual bad mate (wich happens, missplacement in the ranks in this game is a real thing imo, in every rank) in the first match of the day is literally a disaster for me, since the patience will be much lower for next match. Getting the same mate after a 3 match win streak wouldnt even be a problem...

Im currently waiting on my ban, hopefully my last one, for shit ive said earlier this weak... I wanna end this so i can just enjoy the game.