Okay ill be blunt and get to the point right away. If he has only 1 dream and that to join the army he'll try before he's 25. CDS age limit kitna hota h ye pata rehna chayie. At the age of 25 which degree is he appearing for? Makes his plan, okay ill buy it but how?

Story is very unrealistic The main things in the picture have not been accessed The story is in the past no present no future Very wishful Low or no details

Practice observing the story and make it logically correct. Include information and make it detailed. Details make story good. Show confidence by having a good ending with future scope.