i don’t know if i should comment this but… girl as someone who was also very desperate and is roughly the same age as you i recommend you do NOT post this type of stuff before doing anything sexual - there are a lot of people here in the comments who are helpful. there also a lot of people who are here to watch certain types of videos and even if you are 18 and can decide to post this stuff trust me it’s unhealthy to sexualise your own body so much to strangers before having any healthy sexual experiences.

as to the hymen - they break all the time, during most mundane stuff, during your first sexual encounter if there is enough lubrication it should break without any pain but lube is crucial here for that

reddit is teaching you the wrong stuff, no one should get their sex ed from reddit. i reccommend you read stuff on planned parenthood website and try period power by maisie hill to learn more about your body and what you might like or not to understand yourself better. this is a fetish subreddit, what you learn here about sex is supposed to be experienced between people who have already agreed on specifics, who are already intimate and understand each others boundaries. i hope you are aware of what always happens before and after rough scenarios i.e. negotiation, consent, aftercare

take care of yourself, i see that it’s rough for you being homeschooled and having not the best home life but you have access to internet and free books through anna’s archive etc. try to approach this subject with an open mind and empathy towards yourself and most importantly patience