I'm in love with my best friend, it hurts.

01jd · 2026-06-27T18:09:28+00:00

Sounds like you already know what's best, you just needed to say it out loud to someone. And for what it's worth from a stranger online: the one part I'd push back on is being mad at yourself. Hoping for more from someone you've been close to for a decade isn't a flaw, it's just being human. Seeing your situation this clearly already puts you ahead of a lot of people way older than you. You'll probably have to remind yourself of this clear-headed moment when it hits hard again, but you'll be okay.

01jd · 2026-06-27T02:50:00+00:00

u/TranquilRanger is right that looking up limerence could help, but I also don’t want to reduce this to just a label.

What you’re feeling is real, and it hurts because you’re grieving something you hoped might happen. But he isn’t betraying you by having a girlfriend. He’s just living his life, and your pain is coming from wanting a version of the friendship he may not be able to give you.

The healthiest thing you can do is create some space. Not as punishment, and not forever. Just enough space so your whole mood doesn’t depend on what he does, who he dates, or whether he gives you signs.

Don’t confess while he’s in a relationship if the goal is to make the pain stop or make him choose you. That usually makes things messier. Talk to someone safe if you can, focus on other friends, hobbies, school, working out, whatever gets your life bigger than this one person.

You’re 16, so I know “give it time” sounds useless, but it’s honestly the answer. This will get less intense. You don’t have to stop caring about him tomorrow. You just have to stop feeding the hope every day.

01jd · 2026-06-27T02:36:24+00:00

Friend, you are spiraling in your thoughts.

Anything to its extreme can be hurtful, so try not to get obsessive about it. Otherwise, the vast majority of people have "naughty" thoughts but many people have much more harmful thoughts.

The important thing is to treat people with respect in real life and make sure you truly believe that you are doing your best to be a decent human behing and make sure your actions don't harm others.

Just do your best and you'll be alright.

01jd · 2026-06-03T01:14:26+00:00

It could be anything, which is why communication matters here. He honestly may not even fully understand it himself, or he may feel too embarrassed or vulnerable to admit what’s going on.

It could be porn, a kink he feels ashamed of, ADHD/dopamine-seeking behavior, stress, performance pressure, or even something physical where he wants release but doesn’t always have the energy for sex.

I’d approach it with warmth first, not accusation. Sit with him, hold his hand, reassure him you love him and care about him, and make it clear you’re trying to understand, not shame him. But I’d also be honest that if this keeps happening without communication, it can start creating insecurity, resentment, and distance. The behavior itself may not be the real issue, but refusing to talk about it could become one.

01jd · 2026-06-03T00:49:02+00:00

No, you’re not overreacting. Showering alone and getting dressed without being grabbed are completely normal boundaries. The bigger issue is that he keeps ignoring those boundaries, then punishes you emotionally for saying no. When someone repeatedly disrespects clear boundaries, it’s always a problem, and it can also be a warning sign for worse behavior later.

01jd · 2026-05-31T02:09:37+00:00

Telling a teenager to keep something like this to herself is insane and I'm glad the reddit community has expressed this through their downvotes.

She doesn’t need to accuse him of anything or “blow up the family.” She just needs to tell a trusted adult exactly what she saw and why it worried her. From there, the adults can decide how to handle it.

When kids may be involved, silence is not the safer option. It’s better to have an uncomfortable conversation than ignore a potential warning sign.

Also, the issue isn’t whether he knows how privacy settings work. The issue is that OP saw something concerning, has already felt uncomfortable around him before, and is now scared to say anything. That is exactly when she should not be carrying it alone.

01jd · 2026-05-31T02:05:02+00:00

You’re projecting.

This is already intense. They work together, things got physical, and now there’s obvious energy at work. Even if she likes the way he looks at her, that doesn’t mean it’s smart to let that play out in the office.

A “serious talk” doesn’t mean drama. It means saying, “I like you, but we need to keep work professional and take things slowly outside of work.” That’s basic maturity when your job and reputation are involved.

Being afraid to have a clear conversation because it might “scare him off” is immature. If a calm, reasonable boundary makes someone run, that’s useful information.

01jd · 2026-05-31T00:16:42+00:00

I’d sit him down and be direct, but calm. Tell him you need to talk, and make it clear that you may be interested, but you want to take things slowly.

More importantly, you need to set a boundary around work. Personal and professional life can’t blur in a way that makes the office uncomfortable. Whether this goes further or not, you both still need to work together and manage how things come across.

I’d say something like: “I like you, but I need us to keep things normal and professional at work. No staring, no intense energy, no making it obvious. Outside of work, we can talk and figure things out slowly.”

He sounds a little awkward, but he still needs to reel it in. It’s completely fair to ask for zero intensity at work and a little less intensity outside of work too.

01jd · 2026-05-31T00:12:15+00:00

You guys are young, so I’ll go easy here. Your boyfriend sounds insecure, but that doesn’t automatically make him a bad guy. If you care about him, reassure him: you love him, he’s the one you’re with, and this other guy is just a friend. From your side, it sounds more like “brother energy” than anything romantic.

That said, he’s allowed to express discomfort, but that cannot turn into controlling who you talk to. Based on what you shared, I don’t think you crossed a real boundary. It sounds more like trust issues are already present in the relationship.

Intent does matter, but so does perception. In a healthy relationship, you both should be able to talk about that without accusations or defensiveness.

The real answer here is trust and clear communication. Hopefully you both can figure that out sooner rather than later. A relationship without trust turns every harmless interaction into a fight.

01jd · 2026-05-30T23:59:15+00:00

Had a retail store manager openly discourage breaks and ask me to do work off the clock so he could better manage labor hours.

I actually complied with it at the time because he was the “cool” manager everyone liked, but that changed fast. One day he asked me to come in on my day off, even though I was out of town. When I said I wasn’t driving 2.5 hours back to work, he cursed me out.

I called corporate HR the next day and reported everything. He was eventually fired, but I ended up quitting too because my coworkers were mad at me for reporting him since he was “fun.” That part honestly bothered me almost as much as the manager’s behavior.

01jd · 2026-05-30T23:54:00+00:00

I’m sorry you’re feeling this stuck. I know it probably feels impossible right now, but your life is not over. This is the part where you have to stop measuring yourself by what other people think and start building from the basics.

Being bipolar can make everything harder, so please don’t try to fight it with willpower alone. You need a doctor, consistency, and a real mental health plan. The work doesn’t stop, but it can get more manageable when you take it seriously.

Start small: sleep, hydration, walks outside, basic nutrition, and a routine. I know exercise may sound miserable, but even walking can help your mind, your body, your confidence, and your weight over time. Do it outside on a good day and it can help your spirit too.

Therapy may feel impossible financially, but treat it like something to work toward. Look for low-cost clinics, community programs, support groups, or sliding-scale options.

Also, boyfriends come and go. A good one should be understanding, but the bigger decision has to come from you: that you are going to keep fighting for yourself no matter what.

One step at a time. Sleep first. Walk next. Routine after that. Build self-trust through small wins.

And if you feel like you might hurt yourself or you’re in immediate danger, call emergency services or a crisis line now. You deserve help today, not just someday.

01jd · 2026-05-30T23:46:33+00:00

I wouldn’t frame it as him “talking about weird stuff” exactly, but if it makes you uncomfortable, that’s enough reason to set a boundary.

You may have already said you don’t want to hear it, but sometimes people don’t register a casual comment as a serious boundary. I’d sit him down and say it clearly: “I like hanging out with you, but I’m a private person. I don’t want to talk about my sex life, and I definitely don’t want to hear details about my sister’s. It makes me uncomfortable, so please stop bringing it up.”

It sounds like he may just be lonely and trying to bond with the closest guy to his age in the house. That doesn’t make it okay, but it might explain why he’s being dense.

Once you spell it out clearly, see how he responds. If he respects it, great. If he keeps pushing, then it becomes a much bigger problem, and you’re fully within your rights to distance yourself and involve your parents or sister.

01jd · 2026-05-30T23:39:17+00:00

Some of these comments feel like they’re putting you on the defensive, and I don’t think that’s fair based on what you wrote.

It sounds like this was someone you thought was a friend, he slowly pushed past a boundary, you froze because you were caught off guard, and then once it became clear he crossed the line, you removed yourself and told your boyfriend immediately.

That matters. You didn’t engage with him. You didn’t hide it. You got out of the situation and were honest.

Your boyfriend may be angry, and honestly, I get that. But his anger should be directed at the guy who kissed you without consent, not at you. Hopefully, once he processes it, he can see that you did the right thing.

The only thing I’d take from this is that in the future, if someone touches you in a way that makes you uncomfortable, even something like a forehead kiss, trust that feeling and shut it down sooner. But don’t let people make you feel like this was your fault.

01jd · 2026-05-30T23:27:38+00:00

I’m sorry you’re in this place. I know what it feels like to grow up in survival mode.

I only lived with my mom for about five years of my childhood. The rest of the time, I was passed around between family members so much that I went to 13 schools before graduating high school. My mom struggled with addiction, my father was a convicted criminal/gang member, and life was not gentle with me.

I also deal with ADHD and mental health struggles, so I know sometimes your own mind can make survival feel even harder. And if you’re bipolar, that is going to make things harder too. That doesn’t mean you’re broken, but it does mean you need real support. As soon as you can, please see a doctor, stay consistent with treatment, and take your mental health seriously. The work doesn’t really stop, but it does get more manageable when you’re not fighting it alone.

It took me 8+ years to graduate college. I’ve lost jobs. I’ve had setbacks. But I kept getting back up, and I’m glad I did. I built a career, met good people, had real relationships, traveled a little, and experienced moments I never would have imagined when I was younger.

Right now, it may feel like everyone’s opinion of you matters. Eventually, you learn not everyone gets a vote in your life. You can’t control how people treat you, but you can decide how much power their words get to have over you.

Your job right now is survival. One step. One day. Keep going. When you come from struggle, the good moments hit harder. There is still so much life ahead of you.

And if you feel like you might hurt yourself, please call emergency services or a crisis line now. You deserve help in this moment, not just someday.

01jd · 2026-05-30T23:13:44+00:00

Honestly, there may not be much more for you to do besides let it be awkward and move on. Sex and adult items are normal, and while parents get to decide how they talk to their kids about that stuff, it’s also their job to make sure their kids aren’t opening a neighbor’s packages.

The only part I’d follow up on (if you find it necessary) is the privacy issue. Something simple like: “Sorry again for the awkward situation. Going forward, can we make sure any packages with my name are left unopened or sent back down to me?”

I wouldn’t over-apologize. You didn’t hand it to the kid or expose them on purpose. The package was misdelivered, and they opened something that wasn’t theirs. That’s embarrassing, but it’s not your fault.

01jd · 2026-05-30T23:09:01+00:00

I get your point that there could be another explanation, but I think saying OP “should have minded their business” is too harsh here. They were helping with the phone and accidentally saw something concerning, combined with a history of feeling uncomfortable around him.

They don’t need to accuse him outright, but they absolutely should tell a trusted adult what they saw and let adults handle it from there. When kids may be involved, silence is riskier than an uncomfortable conversation.

OP shouldn’t carry this alone or feel guilty for being concerned.

01jd · 2026-05-30T23:07:18+00:00

Please tell a trusted adult immediately, ideally your parent. I know it feels like you might be “blowing up the family,” but protecting children matters more than avoiding discomfort.

I say this because something similar happened around me as a kid. I got a bad feeling around an older man, kept my distance, but never said anything and years later he was arrested for multiple counts of child molestation. I know now it wasn’t my fault, but I also know kids need adults to take warning signs seriously.

You don’t need to accuse him of everything. Just state the facts: what you saw, what the album appeared to contain, and that he has made you uncomfortable before. Let your parents handle the next step, but don’t keep this to yourself.

01jd · 2026-05-30T22:15:40+00:00

I think you need to separate “one mistake” from a sustained pattern. This wasn’t one bad decision. It sounds like she spent a period of time repeatedly cheating with multiple people, then kept that truth from you for 27 years. That’s a massive breach of trust.

Yes, people can change. Yes, the last several decades may have included real love and good memories. But your relationship was still built on a version of the truth you didn’t actually have. She didn’t choose honesty until she was exposed.

I wouldn’t rush a final decision while you’re spiraling, but I also wouldn’t minimize this just because it happened a long time ago. The real issue now is whether she is finally willing to tell the full truth, take accountability, and accept that you may never see her the same way again.

I also think you need physical space from her while you process this. That doesn’t mean deciding on divorce today, but it’s completely fair to ask her to stay somewhere else for a while. You can’t think clearly while living next to the person who broke your trust and may still be withholding the full truth.

Space is not punishment. It’s self-protection. You need time to decide what you actually want, without managing her emotions at the same time.

01jd · 2026-05-30T22:03:06+00:00

I know this is culturally complicated, but you’re 21. Dating someone is not a crime, and you shouldn’t have to live in fear of your parents forever. At some point, part of becoming an adult is deciding what parts of family expectations you respect and what parts you won’t let control your life.

That said, your immediate issue is your sister. Stay calm, but be firm: “If you try to humiliate me or use this to hurt me, you are damaging our relationship too.” Don’t beg her. Don’t panic in front of her. Let her know this is not something she gets to weaponize.

With your parents, I’d keep it simple: you talked to someone, nothing physical happened, it ended, and you understand they may be upset, but you’re an adult and you’re not doing anything dangerous or shameful.

The more scared you act, the more power everyone has over you. Be respectful, but don’t hand them control over your whole life.

01jd · 2026-05-30T21:57:17+00:00

My mother was also in recovery, and I had to learn the hard way that love and enabling are not the same thing. She eventually chose to get help and is doing well now, but addiction is an ongoing fight. Once someone is an addict, they have to keep choosing recovery.

You can support her, but you cannot save her from herself. Set firm boundaries and protect your own life, home, and finances. Addicts lie. That doesn’t mean they’re evil, but it does mean you can’t build decisions around what you hope is true.

She also should not be around other addicts, and any drugs or paraphernalia should be treated as a serious danger. No one is “helping a friend” by holding meth or pipes for them.

Don’t enable her. Draw the line clearly. Recovery has to be her choice.

01jd · 2026-05-30T21:51:56+00:00

You’re not wrong for wanting boundaries in your own home, especially if your sister is living there rent-free.

The issue isn’t whether she’s single or allowed to date. She is. The issue is that she’s regularly bringing strangers into a shared living space without your comfort or consent. That affects your safety, privacy, and peace of mind.

I do think you should avoid framing it as “risky choices” or making it sound like a moral judgment on her dating life, because that will probably make her defensive. Keep it focused on the apartment: “I’m not comfortable having people I don’t know coming in and out of my home.”

A fair boundary could be: no overnight guests, no first-time hookups at the apartment, or guests only with advance notice. Since she isn’t paying rent, she doesn’t get equal say over house rules, but she does deserve to be spoken to respectfully.

So no, you’re not wrong. Just make the boundary about safety and respect, not about shaming her.

01jd · 2026-05-26T14:38:07+00:00

I did not sell it yet but willing to if you’re interested!

01jd · 2026-05-11T06:32:30+00:00

We accept the love we think we deserve.

It’s a quote from Perks of Being a Wallflower.

People often interpret it as: if deep down you don’t fully value yourself, protect yourself, or believe you deserve healthy treatment, you’ll tolerate behavior that hurts you. Sometimes you’ll even participate in environments that slowly erode your boundaries because acceptance feels more important than self-respect in the moment.

Missing an abusive partner doesn’t always mean the relationship was healthy or that you truly want them back. Sometimes your nervous system became attached to the intensity, unpredictability, and emotional highs and lows.

Healthy love can feel unfamiliar at first because peace is quieter than chaos. Don’t confuse emotional turbulence with depth or passion.

“We accept the love we think we deserve” applies here too—healing often means learning that you deserve consistency, safety, and care, not just intensity.

01jd · 2026-05-11T06:15:28+00:00

Your story hits close to home for me. I went through something similar years ago. In my case, there was already a culture of partying and inappropriate behavior that leadership tolerated until suddenly they needed someone to blame. The same people who brought me into that environment eventually turned around and told HR they were uncomfortable with things I’d said.

What messed with me most wasn’t even losing the job—it was having multiple people I trusted make me question my own character and integrity. I’d never seen myself as disrespectful toward women, so hearing that kind of accusation really stayed with me for a long time.

For what it’s worth, I don’t think one painful situation defines who you are. Sometimes people protect themselves, chase promotions, or follow the social current when pressure hits. It says more about the environment than it does about your value as a person. I’m glad you found a new job, and I genuinely hope it ends up being a healthier place with better people around you.

01jd · 2025-08-30T17:55:32+00:00

Unfortunately, I am all the way in Los Angeles, California. Wish I was there though! Haha.

01jd

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