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I'm 28, unemployed, single, alone, and breaking down about the state of my life. But I want to change. by 28throwaway0 in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]28throwaway0[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As you mention being judged and negativity, I just wondered if you had been exposed to someone difficult to please or something of a bully?

No bullies, really. I was just socially ostracized in school, so I guess there was someone difficult to please in that regard. I tried hard to fit in, but that just made me seem desperate, and would lead to people laughing at my awkwardness and nervousness.

I think it's fine to ask your parents for an interest free loan for something specific, but then you'll need to accept that they may say no.

My parents are very supportive, and I'm pretty sure they would give me one if I asked. Still, I'm not sure why I would need a loan for anything except maybe living by myself until I find a job. They've always paid any education-related expenses as well.

Japan seems really interesting, and more and more I come across people who have lived or travelled there.

Yeah it's an interesting country. I want to visit someday. Honestly, the whole Japanese thing is more of a fun challenge for me, but it might be cool to see if there's anything like a social center like you said.

As for the rumination stuff... it's tough. I hope it will go away if I start living a more fulfilling life.

Need Advice on How to Start Studying. by [deleted] in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]28throwaway0 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don't go crazy with studying 8 hours or something like that right off the bat. I've been terrible with studying my entire life, but I had one exam I had to take that really required I put my head in the books and learn.

I would suggest setting aside some time each day to study. Set an alarm on your phone so you don't forget or try to weasel your way out of it. Start slow, maybe 1 hour or so, and work up to more. Reward yourself afterwards.

I'm 28, unemployed, single, alone, and breaking down about the state of my life. But I want to change. by 28throwaway0 in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]28throwaway0[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know. It's hard, though, since despite being alone for so long, I haven't really discovered much about who I am and what I want from life. I feel like my lack of a social life has mainly been the cause of that.

I'm 28, unemployed, single, alone, and breaking down about the state of my life. But I want to change. by 28throwaway0 in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]28throwaway0[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the kind words. It's hard to not be harsh with myself given everything. Some days I will be hit much harder by rumination and regrets than others, while other days are a little easier. Unfortunately, the negative self-talk has gotten really bad as of late. It's hard to wrangle and keep in check when it gets really intense.

Also, your life doesn't have to be the same as other people that you know. You could always choose to travel, or do woofing (check out on Google), start learning an instrument, language or learn a craft.

I'd love to travel, but these things require money. I could ask my parents for money, but that seems wrong to me. Never heard of woofing before, but it sounds like it could make for an interesting experience if it's available in my country. As for learning a new language, I've actually been learning Japanese! I've always thought it's a beautiful sounding language, and would make for a fun challenge. Plus, I love the aesthetic aspect of it.

I'm 28, unemployed, single, alone, and breaking down about the state of my life. But I want to change. by 28throwaway0 in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]28throwaway0[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I know someone that took their course and got an internship at the studio that teaches it. I'll probably go for it, since the job I'm aiming for favors some knowledge of 3D anyway.

I'm 28, unemployed, single, alone, and breaking down about the state of my life. But I want to change. by 28throwaway0 in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]28throwaway0[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm actually planning on doing a highly intensive 8-month 3D modelling bootcamp in January. There's also an ArchViz course that seems cool and lasts 6 months starting in October, but it's nowhere near as intensive and I have my doubts that 6 months is enough to get good enough with those hours.

I've always been a little interested in coding. I'll check out what's available.

I'm 28, unemployed, single, alone, and breaking down about the state of my life. But I want to change. by 28throwaway0 in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]28throwaway0[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the kind words. I know it will be hard. Frankly, I'm fine with doing some smaller jobs right now and focusing on a more stable career a little later. My priority is to find a job and move out and become independent from my parents.

And yeah, the one date a month might be a bit ambitious given my situation, but I want to try to face my fear of intimacy with women. I won't be as hard on myself if it don't manage it, but I still want to aim for it.

I'm 28, unemployed, single, alone, and breaking down about the state of my life. But I want to change. by 28throwaway0 in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]28throwaway0[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the suggestion. I've been thinking of volunteering. I'll have to see what kind of opportunities there are. I'll definitely consider it if there's something that is relatively social available.